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The Five Worst Halloween Candies

The Five Worst Halloween Candies

Trick-or-treating as a kid was one of the most wildly exciting times of the year. Forget Christmas -- that was all about getting pajamas from Grandma underneath the Christmas tree. Forget St. Patrick's Day, because beer was for grownups. 


You could even forget about Easter, because being dragged to Sunday Mass at 5 a.m. was the worst kind of hell. It was all about Halloween. 


But while some houses were giving away king-sized Butterfingers, there were the pure satanists who thought toothbrushes, apples, and Necco Wafers would be fun. 


Clean Plate Charlie trolled the bowels of the internet world (forums, comments, and Yahoo answers) to bring you the five candies that people hate most. 

5. The sugary, powdery candies 


You know what we're talking about: Sweet Tarts, Smarties, and Necco Wafers. A true jerk is someone who thinks it's a good idea to take some sugar, add food coloring, smash it into a compact disk, and then sprinkle more powdered crap on top. And we're still not convinced Necco Wafers aren't just oversized Tums. 

4. Black licorice candies 


Black licorice has the kind of flavors that make small children weep. There's nothing delicious about candy that tastes like fennel, a vegetable. You know what doesn't make it better? Forcing them into little Good & Plenty capsule forms and throwing some pink and white dye on top. 

3. Circus Peanuts 


Some genius in the candy world is always trying to improve sugary treats by making them look (or taste) like mother-approved items -- like peanuts, for instance. But that's about as far as this candy goes in the legume-resemblance category. If the VP of Spangler Candy doesn't enjoy the product, then we can't either. 


Again, it all comes down to taste. Whoever thought it would be fun to wedge the foamy "treat" into a peanut shape, make it banana-bubblegum flavored, and market it as delicious should be brought behind the barn and shot. 

2. Nik-L-Nip Wax Bottles 


Nik-L-Nips are fun in theory, but then you sink your teeth into the wax bottle to rip open the top. It tastes like the wax your orthodontist gave you two weeks ago and now this exciting candy reminds you of pain and sadness. But you give it a shot anyway. 


Then you pour the syrup down your greedy little gullet and cringe at the hit of sugar. It's like a drug, and you've become a sugar junkie. So you drink five more and now you feel sick. After a full 12 hours, you start to feel better, but from here on out, the mere thought of the "real fruit juice" makes you want to vomit. Yum.


 

1. Peanut Butter Kisses

We'll admit that the name of this one tripped us up a bit. Maybe it's because we never bothered to learn the official title of this gag-worthy goody. Or maybe we were just trying to forget all the bad memories we have of sneaking "chocolate" in the dark only to find out it's artificially flavored peanut butter. These are the peanut-butter-flavored taffies that come wrapped in orange or black paper, and they top our list of the absolute worst Halloween candies. 

Whether you actually disagree or just want to argue, please tell us if you love any of these candies. We'll try to be nice in response.

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