On Bizarre Foods, host Andrew Zimmern travels the world eating eyeballs, testicles, bugs, and rotted meat. But the show isn't just Fear Factor with a balder, plumper version of Joe Rogan. The program is supposed to illustrate the difference in foodways between us and other cultures. And sometimes those differences can look pretty extreme to an outsider.
But what about America? Surely we eat some things that, to a foreigner, would seem downright disgusting. Well, here's a list of 10 items you'll find in your local supermarket that, once you think about it, are pretty darn bizarre in their own right. And you don't have to be Andrew Zimmern to eat them, either. Just an average Joe.
10. Mayonnaise: Once upon a time, there was a sauce so delicious
people wanted to slather it all over everything from chicken to
vegetables. Fast forward a hundred years or so, and mass-produced
mayonnaise has become an unrecognizable monster; a gelatinous, quivering blob of emulsified fat. Before you defend mayo
(and I love the stuff too), remember that this is a sauce people dare each other to eat.
What does that say about it?
9. Spam: God bless Hormel and its dedicated
legion of Spam fanatics, but this stuff is just foul. Anything that slips
out of a can coated with a slimy membrane can't be considered food.
8. Sour Cream: Break down these words
for me: Sour -- as in rancid, off, and turned -- and cream -- as in thick, pasty,
and milky. It's sad to admit, but this stuff actually makes the food at Taco Bell
Canned green beans/peas: When I was young, my mother made me clean
my plate before I left the table, with no exceptions (thus, Clean Plate
Charlie was born). But during one meal, I told her I would vomit if
she made me eat all of my canned green beans. I kept my
promise -- all over her beautiful dinner table. She never made me eat the
disgusting things again.
6. Anchovies: I love anchovies, and even I'll admit they're
horribly, horribly wrong. Why out of all the fish we could've canned did we have to choose the one that smells
like gym socks and old diapers? And what's with all those
5. Eggs: Mmmmm. Nothing like a
big plate of unfertilized chicken babies to start the day. Oh, and don't forget
to make my little-fetus-that-couldn't extra yolk-y.
4. Pickled pigs feet: Almost every supermarket has at least
one jar of pickled pigs feet that has been collecting dust for a few
decades. It's no secret why no one's buying it, either. Who would want to
eat something that looks like the aborted
Ripley clones from Aliens 4?
3. Cream of Wheat: I'm
pretty sure Cream of Wheat is the same thing as wallpaper paste. No? Then isn't it what they use to repair dents in cars? That's Bondo, you say?
Shit, I don't think I actually know what Cream of Wheat is.
Cottage Cheese: If it looks like baby vomit, and tastes like
baby vomit, it must be... cottage cheese. Oh, but it's healthy for you!
Chase those pounds away with a big ol' tub, ladies! Think of all the pounds you'll shed by refusing to eat it!
1. Canned Tuna Fish: Sorry, Charlie (the fish). Canned tuna is one of the grossest
foods that packs supermarket shelves all across America. Think about it:
The stuff smells like death, and tastes about as much like real fish as
dog spit tastes like Champagne. Not to mention the solid white version
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-- you know, the kind that tastes better -- is so loaded full of
mercury that the EPA recommends pregnant women not consume it more than
once per week. Congrats, tuna. You're our number one grossest food we eat everyday.
Got something grosser? Give us your recommendation(s) in the comments field below.