There's nothing more American than apple pie, right? Wrong. When was the last time you saw anyone eating a piece of apple pie? Exactly. That's why the USDA in its infinite wisdom conducted a four year study on the taxpayer's dime about the demographics of pizza consumption in this country. And the results were shocking: Turns out there's nothing more American than pizza -- except maybe french fries.
See also: People Who Don't Like Pizza Are People Too
The study found one in eight Americans consume pizza on any given day. Men eat more pizza than women and children eat more pizza than adults.
Pizza seems to be a very popular thing across races. Maybe someone should tell the Republicans to stop trying to learn Spanish and grab a box of Papa John's instead? Papa means dad in español after all!
Pizza makes up six percent of a child's total energy. Like ever. Even on days when the kid doesn't eat pizza. It's four percent of an adult's total energy. And on the day pizza is consumed it contributes to 27 percent of the total energy.
Percentage of daily energy intake contributed by pizza among consumers of pizza
In addition to all those carbs, pizza also provides a third of the day's calcium on the day it's eaten. And it gives you half your daily supply of lycopene too. So stop sucking on McDonald's ketchup packets for lycopene when you can simply order a pizza! ...But maybe don't eat Chinese food and pizza on the same day since pizza uses up 35 percent of the day's sodium allowance.
among children and adults who consumed pizza
Turns out kids don't care what meal they're eating pizza for. Whether it's on Pizza Friday at the school cafeteria or on Friday night when Mom was too lazy too cook, the kiddies can't get enough pizza. Adults however prefer to eat pizza for dinner because during office hours no one is willing to admit they eat anything besides quinoa and tofu.
Percentage of pizza consumed by eating occasion for children and adults
Alright America: Stay calm and pizza on.
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