Audio By Carbonatix
This holiday season, we ate it all: The turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potato mash, cornbread casserole, sausage and peas, stuffing, brussel sprouts, and itsy bitsy little dinner rolls toasted and smeared with lotsa butter.
We scarfed every gingerbread cookie in sight and compulsively sucked on candy canes.
We excused ourselves from Midnight Mass to chug egg nog and pass out in an alley behind the church.
And we plan to spend New Year’s Eve looking at our space phone in a Chinese buffet.
What we’re getting at is that once 2013 is here and life goes back to the peak of droll mundanity, it’s gonna be time to put down the pie and pick up the dumbbell. Here are the 10 best songs to help burn some of those seasonal extra calories.
10. Iron Maiden – “Run To The Hills”
“Run To The Hills” holds a special place on our iTunes “U Da Man” playlist because it’s the first time we (and the rest of the world) heard golden age-era vocalist Bruce Dickinson. And, besides, if one were to “run to the hills” of South Florida, that would mean the trash mountains on the side of 95. That’s a serious workout!
9. Daft Punk – “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.”
You will be every single one of these things if you listen to Daft Punk while pumping iron.
8. AC/DC – “Thunderstruck”
We have mostly known this arena rock scorcher from a drinking game of the same name, the rules of which dictate that revelers stand in a circle and chug the fuck out of some beer every time Brian Johnson screams, “Thunder!” And you can’t stop until he says it again. Maybe this could be incorporated into a workout regimen?
7. Gorillaz – “Feel Good Inc.”
Nothing like a little mall music to get that ol’ adrenaline pumping.
6. Michael Jackson – “Beat It”
The King of Pop has a few jams worth exercising to. But “Beat It” reigns supreme when it comes to the perfect balance of tempo, energy, and a hook so devastating it’s like an atom bomb.
5. OutKast – “B.O.B.”
Andre 3000 and Big Boi defined the post-gangsta, pre-hipster, proto-swag rap music of the early 2000s. Maybe you should let this ballistic party anthem define your next set of pull-ups?
4. Ozzy Osbourne – “Crazy Train”
A man who has snorted, smoked, and filled anal suppositories with an entire kilo of cocaine may greatly resemble one who has just run a marathon in record-breaking time. We would estimate that the Ozman has run millions of miles in blow.
3. Wu-Tang Clan – “Shame On a Nigga”
Who needs personal trainers and fancy gym memberships when you can beef up with a little Shaolin shadowboxing? R.I.P. Dirt McGirt!
2. Olivia Newton Jon – “Physical”
Why are we doing hundreds of push-ups every morning? Because we wanna look good. We wanna look fine. And why do we wanna look fine? ‘Cause we wanna get laid. That’s also why we take aerobics, yoga, and feverishly scour the internet for deals on spandex at strange hours of the night as sweat grows on our forehead and hair on our palms and the bags under our eyes turn a shade of purple darker than the darkest night.
1. Survivor – “Eye of the Tiger”
Duh
