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Ladies and gentleman, it’s Grammy night. Here on County Grind, we’re doing something a little extra special for it. That’s right, we’re live blogging all the shenanigans. Are you an Adeleophile? Or are you totally over her? Are you just as confused as we are about this “Dance/Electronica” segment that features the Foo Fighters AND Chris Brown? Why is Chris Brown even allowed to perform at the Grammys?
We’ll be covering all this nonsense, shit talking, and exchanging hilarious banter that might drive you to drink, but bet it’ll be more fun than watching the Walking Dead premiere. Ok, maybe not, but please join in the fun as Music Editor Liz Tracy and Club Editor Betsey J. Denberg live blog the 54th Annual Grammy Awards.
Just keep hitting refresh.
8:00 pm
[Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band]
BD: Holy Hell, the Boss!
ET: The Boss is still a babe.
BD: He’s still hot, I don’t even care.
ET: I think we can all agree, Bruce can do no wrong.
ET: It’s like laser Springsteen all up in there.
BD: Like when he slid across the Super Bowl stage and gave the camera a cock shot.
ET: I think they could add one more violinist. Maybe just one more.
ET: More violin goddammit!
ET: Paul looks old as God.
BD: Oh Katy Perry, with the matching hair and dress.
BD: Oh Gaga, what is on your face?
BD: LL Cool J?! Shut the hell up.
ET: Fergie’s dress is ugly, but it works.
ET: LL licked his lips the second he got onstage.
8:06 pm
[Prayer for Whitney Houston]
BD: I’m not gonna lie, this is awkward. Some people are just staring around.
ET: Heavenly (licks lips) Father…
ET: R.I.P. Whitney.
ET: I have to say, Last Holiday is one of my favorite movies to watch on TV.
BD: I watched Waiting to Exhale today.
ET: A fitting tribute to the Houston.
BD: I cannot deal with that Kangol hat. It’s velvet.
BD: Oh God, Adele!
ET: I wanna see Adele in that Kangol hat.
BD: I’m not excited.
ET: OG Paul McCartney? Holy Lord. LL, seriously, show some respect.
BD: I really cannot deal with LL. These ladies do not love you.
ET: Hey, I’d be his around the way girl.
ET: That was dirty. sorry.
8:11pm
[Bruno Mars]
BD: Is he going to perform the Twilight song?
BD: Apparently not. Bummer.
ET: I bet that guy is Team Jacob.
BD: But he has hair like Edward.
BD: Get off your rich asses? Did I hear him right?
ET: I hope so. We like that over here. The 99%.
ET: Fancy split! Watch out Bruno, you may just have found your newest oldest fan.
BD: Oh my goodness, what is happening on stage right now?
ET: Take that back. I hate that megaphone.
8:16pm
BD: Ok so seriously, Chris Brown performing?
ET: I am psyched about Chris Brown and Kelly Clarkson.
ET: I saw that Chris and Rhianna may again be an item.
8:20pm
[Alicia Keys & Bonnie Raitt]
ET: Wow, Alicia’s look is fabulous. And Bonnie looks wonderful. Big ups.
BD: Oooohh, good choice.
ET: These bitches are making the night.
BD: Who needs Adele when you have these two?
ET: Agreed! And by bitches, I mean rad ladies.
BD: That was magical.
ET: Bravo.
BD: Is that a scepter in Lady Gaga’s hand?
ET: She’s like an evil Gandolf.
8:26pm
[Chris Brown]
BD: Ok Chris Brown you better woo me.
ET: Chris “Mama Said Knock You Out” Brown
BD: OK. What are those, flying squirrel dancers?
ET: I was thinking the same thing. That stage is very SoBe. Chris Brown should be the resident musician at Mansion.
BD: This is not good.
ET: I like it. I have questionable taste though.
ET: My mom is dancing.
BD: if you’re trying to make a comeback after beating up Rhi Rhi, you better be coming back with some real good shit. This is just weird.
ET: Now my dad is dancing.
BD: OMG. What is he doing now? He’s getting down low.
BD: What does that B stand for on his jacket? BEATER.
ET: Chris Brown’s performance reminds me of the nineties.
BD: I’m still processing it. I feel like Scott Storch would have liked it.
8:35pm
BD: Those hoop earrings are not working with that dress on Fergie.
ET: Live, these two are both really good. Fergie’s dress is very J. Crew two seasons ago.
BD: Dammit. That would have been a good speech.
ET: The Jay Z and Kanye, too good for the Grammys.
ET: I love Reba. I love her show. I love her funny face. I love her manly voice.
BD: Wait, when did Kelly Clarkson go country?
ET: Kelly Clarkson! That woman can sing.
ET: Those waving arms are distracting.
ET: Stop waving your arms.
ET: Du-et Kelly. (Bad joke.)
BD: The dress sorta reminds me of a ’90s prom or homecoming dress.
ET: I swear I saw her buy it at Forever 21.
BD: Are they dating or something?
ET: Kelly gives me the good shivers! I love her.
ET: Wait, I thought that was her dad.
BD: She looks like she has a weird chest tan.
BD: Girl this is the Grammys, get that shit sprayed like the Jersey Shore.
ET: I wish Taylor Swift would get a Jersey Shore spray tan.
BD: I love TaySwif, not gonna lie.
BD: I have a difficult time not singing outloud to “You Belong With Me” in the office when it comes on my iTunes.
ET: Sing it out, girl. I enjoy that song in an unhealthy way.
ET: Target commercial is too trippy.
BD: All I see is J-Lo.
BD: That Pepsi commercial was a little wild. Elton and Flava Flav.
8:46pm
[Foo Fighters]
BD: Could he please say indie cred again?
ET: Bring us some “Fuck Her Gently.”
BD: Oh, that chin strap beard.
BD: Dave Grohl, why, why, why?
ET: Jack Black=all indie cred, all the time
BD: Dave Grohl is so indie in his Slayer shirt.
BD: That drummer is Silverchair hot.
ET: I love how the Foo Fighters’ sound has evolved so much since their first album in 1995.
BD: Sweet leather choker
BD: No, but really, they haven’t left the ’90s.
ET: They got stuck on the outside stage. #embarrassing
ET: Honestly though. Dave Grohl is great. I like to just watch him and think of Nevermind.
BD: One hour in and we’ve only seen two awards given, but 9 performances?
ET: Ew: Rhianna and Coldplay
BD: Yeah, I don’t understand that duet.
ET: I’m excited to see the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson bringing those psychedelic vibrations, hopefully.
BD: Hopefully he doesn’t freak out on stage or something. He’s totally not all there.
ET: This commercial is making me want to watch the Heat. #effective #Pitbull
8:56pm
[Coldplay & Rihanna]
BD: Oh that blond hair. Is she wearing a sleeveless denim vest?
ET: I’m pressing mute until this is done.
BD: Oh my God. I might do the same.
BD: This is like J-Lo’s “Waiting for Tonight.”
ET: See, this is why she and CB dated.
ET: “Waiting for Tonight” is insulted by your last comment.
BD: I’m insulted by this performance.
BD: Wait where is Coldplay? Did they back out at the last minute because they saw how bad this is?
ET: Reminds me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1hzXKcQrg0
ET: Wait, what? I just fell asleep. Did I miss something?
BD: Wow. This is painful. Mute. Mute. Mute.
ET: Bathroom break.
BD: Did they let a child go crazy with black light paint?
BD: I haven’t been impressed yet.
ET: Chris Martin just wandered back in time to the tweeker room at the Tunnel.
ET: Thank God that’s over.
BD: I thought people are supposed to get awards at this thing?
ET: My dad just said, “Has anyone won anything?”
ET: Is that Willie singing Coldplay? What’s happening with those swine?!
BD: This is bizarre.
ET: Haha. Chipotle?!
BD: Now I want Chipotle.
9:12pm
ET: Sofia Vergara is a goddess. She offers hope to all women over the age of 30.
ET: Wait, why do I care about this Super Bowl thing?
BD: She has nothing on Alexis Krauss’ bangs. That girl’s bangs did not move last night.
ET: I’m in a Pats household at the moment. There’s booing.
BD: Take off the sunglasses so you can read the teleprompter.
ET: Coldplay is rock?
ET: The Decemberists, rock?
BD: Mumford & Sons rock?
ET: And the winner is… Radiohead!
BD: Long live the ’90s!
ET: Typed too soon.
ET: And they got the outside stage.
BD: Oh, you’re so indie, making the record with a tape machine
ET: Dave Grohl, super DIY.
ET: Please get the hair out of your face.
BD: Chill out Beastie Boys.
ET: Deep.
BD: As they kick them off with electronic music.ET: LMFAO! It’s what’s in here (heart), and what’s in here (crotch).
9:16pm
[The Beach Boys Tribute & Reunion]
BD: Wait, Maroon 5? Where are the Beach Boys?
ET: That was incredible. Everyone was like, huh?
ET: Where are the Beach Boys, I asked. My parents just said, “They’ll be wheeling them out soon.”
ET: This is the most romantic song ever. Makes me weepy (“Surfer Girl”).
BD: He makes me romantic. I’ll be Adam Levine’s surfer girl.
ET: He’s not entirely butchering it, but my ears are a little offended.
BD: Ok, but still. Where are the Beach Boys?
ET: Who is this dweeb? This is another fantastically romantic song.
BD: Foster the Who? Why are they even up on stage?
ET: Betsey, that’s your boyfriend.
ET: Is that Chuck Klosterman on the drums? (Sorry, Chuck.)
ET: Standing O? Really?
BD: Standing for the fake Beach Boys?
BD: Wow this is trippy.
ET: Say good vibrations one more time Ryan. I dare you.
BD: Oh he is out to lunch.
ET: I knew it’d be a psychedelic freakout.
ET: Pleased.
BD: I like the embroidered hat. His mouth is barely moving.
ET: They sound better than I would have expected.
BD: Oh, get those dorks off the stage. The extras, not the Beach Boys.
ET: It’s impossible to not sing along.
BD: I wish I was on acid for that.
9:30pm
[Paul McCartney]
ET: My dad just said, “I wonder why Stevie’s not there.”
BD: Ah, yes!
ET: Love you, Stevie!
BD: Who cares about the next performer? Get on stage, Stevie!
ET: Well, it’s Paul McCartney.
BD: Yeah, Yeah.
ET: He has the hair of a toddler.
BD: This is really putting me to sleep. I want to be back on my acid trip with the BB.
BD: Wow, that was painful.
ET: Aw, Paul is cute.
BD: There are some pretty random presenters this year.
ET: Gil Scott-Heron. Yes, please! Wait, this is the revolution? This that’s being televised?
BD: Please R. Kelly get on stage and win.
ET: And the Grammy goes to… R. Kelly!
BD: Dammit. (On Chris Brown’s win)
ET: Hot damn. Look at him now.
BD: Where is his shirt?
ET: Team Breezy.
BD: Oh god. The Civil Wars. My favorite band.
ET: The Civil Wars, you’re familiar with them.
BD: This is their only good and fun song.
ET: Well, then glad they picked this one to perform.
9:40pm
[Taylor Swift]
BD: Yes. Tay Tay!
BD: I just turned up the volume.
ET: “Our friend” What braggarts.
BD: OK, but that dress.
BD: I feel like she just stepped out of the Disney’s Country Bear Jamboree.
BD: This is like Big Love the musical.
ET: From Taylor Swift’s new album Deliverance.
BD: Shouldn’t she have sung this last year to Kanye West?
ET: That was excellent.
BD: OK, Taylor, don’t look so surprised at that standing ovation. Bitch, you are at the Grammys.
BD: I cannot wait for Nicki Minaj to bring it.
9:50pm
BD: Oh Neil Patrick. Love you forever.
ET: These songs need to die.
BD: Ugh, how are any of these song of the year?
ET: This is the best they’ve got?
BD: Oh shocker, Adele.
ET: Again, maybe they could introduce a translator.
BD: Why are there no musicians presenting awards?
9:53
[Katy Perry]
ET: Kate Beckinsale almost stumbled.
BD: This better be magical.
BD: Why is it so dark on stage? So many lasers.
ET: Lady Gaga lite.
BD: Wait? Was that on purpose?
ET: Lady Gaga boring.
BD: Oh no, this reminds me of Britney Spears’ bad dancing. Like when she was too high on pills to move on stage.
ET: She’s still like that, sadly.
ET: That guy has a dead pigeon on his necklace.
BD: This is really disappointing.
ET: Well she is in the middle of a divorce.
BD: Oh, is this a shout out to Russel Brand?
ET: Presumably.
BD: He’s probably not watching. He’s too busy Forgetting Katy Perry.
ET: Why is this presentation (Best Country) format different from the others?
ET: And the Grammy goes to… Taylor Swift!
BD: Who is Lady Antebellum?
ET: I am not doing well tonight.
ET: They’re like pop country, lite FM.
BD: That dress is lovely.
ET: I didn’t know Khloe Kardashian was in Lady Antebellum!
ET: NUTS!
BD: I’m not waiting for that performance from Adele. Oh good, maybe Sir Paul will spice things up.
10:05pm
[Adele]
BD: Again, why are there no musicians doing the presenting?
ET: Gwyneth Paltrow sings “Cruisin’.”
BD: How many people do you think are crying right now while watching this?
ET: All of America’s emotional panties just dropped.
BD: Those are really great fake lashes.
BD: I wish she would have done another song just to fuck with everyone.
BD: Has anyone not gotten a standing ovation yet?
ET: Aw. I’m not a fan, but she did well.
BD: Why aren’t there tears running down her face?
ET: Swifty did, right?
ET: So overrated.
ET: I’m waiting for the Beatles songs and then I’m going to sleep.
BD: So, there is maybe half a show left and not even five awards have been given out yet.
ET: I mean, everyone loves Adele so much, but this little girl in the Target commercials seems to have her schtick down pat.
BD: I’m wishing Target was 24 hours right now.
ET: No awards for you, says the Award Nazi.
ET: Why so you can buy an Adele CD? Right now?
BD: Where is Beyonce? That’s what I want to know.
ET: Tending to her newborn.
BD: Blue Ivy is one cute ass baby. I cannot even get over it. Or is it Ivy Blue?
ET: We may never know.
10:16
[Glen Campbell Tribute]
BD: Well, that is an upgrade from her country bumpkin dress.
ET: Wow. Now that is a crazy Dancing with the Stars frock. I like it.
ET: I also would like it to be known that I’m enjoying this Glen Campbell tribute.
BD: Yeah, I can’t say anything terrible about this. It’s more enjoyable than Adele and Katy Perry. That’s for sure.
ET: There is one instance of Bieber hair onstage, but that’s OK.
BD: Slideable.
ET: One is acceptable.
BD: It’s very difficult to not sing along. I’m moments away from yelling “Southern Skies.”
ET: Let it all out.
BD: I just got a little choked up.
BD: I’m bringing back the bolo tie.
BD: Let it be known I just said “Rhinestone Cowboy” outloud.
BD: Paul [McCartney] is fist-pumping. That is amazing.
ET: Paul McCartney pullin’ a Pauly D.
ET: He’s got that nudie suit coat and bolo tie. Super slick. Yo quiero.
BD: quite possibly the best performance of the Grammys so far. Sorry, Brian Wilson.
ET: Antonio Carlos Jobim changed my life by creating music that lulled me to sleep for years.
ET: Please, no David Guetta.
BD: David Guetta with the Foo Fighters. How does that happen after Dave Grohl just went on a rampage about making garage tapes?
ET: Yet another fantastic Pepsi commercial. “I’m tweeting.”
BD: Those Heels, Elton!
ET: Wait, same commercial, longer, more intricate. Yeah, boy! Flavor Flav has a sundial around his neck. Ah-mazing.
10:30pm
[Tony Bennett & Carrie Underwood]
BD: Not the most attractive dress, Carrie.
BD: He earned a Grammy tonight? Who knew they were giving out awards? I thought this was just a concert.
ET: This is the classiest act of the evening.
BD: I am sorta wishing it was Alicia Keys next to him.
ET: They really sound terrible together.
BD: That dress is just too much.
ET: Rhianna’s exposed chest is too much.
BD: Wait, so they perform a mini-duet before doing awards?
ET: Guaranteed, no like all of these “artists.”
BD: Skrillex is at the Grammys?
ET: Snooze.
BD: Wow, should have worn a hat.
BD: This is awkward.
ET: Bon Iver isn’t new.
BD: Should have visited a tailor.
BD: Sweet hookup? Oh my goodness.
ET: Nerd alert.
10:40pm
ET: Paul overshadowed by Whitney.
BD: Everyone overshadowed by Whitney.
ET: Get the tissues out.
BD: Whitney basically stole the Grammys.
ET: My favorite time, the rundown of deaths.
BD: This isn’t depressing at all.
ET: Please don’t play Roy Orbison. I will cry.
BD: This is a lot of death.
ET: They didn’t put up Etta James.
BD: Oh damn, is this Jennifer Hudson?
BD: OMG. Goosebumps.
BD: I can’t even type during this. It feels wrong.
ET: I recorded this song on VHS and sang it loudly in front of the television very often in the early ’90s. My brother made fun of me.
BD: They should have done a medley. But I guess it was last minute.
ET: I bet someone like Mariah Carey or Christina Aguilera could have done a better job.
ET: I would have liked to have seen Dolly Parton sing it.
BD: That would have been something.
10:51pm
[Chris Brown, David Guetta, Deadmau5, & the Foo Fighters]
ET: ?uestlove is so rad.
ET: Rave it out, bro.
BD: Holy glowshit.
ET: Glow me up, bro.
BD: I hope the Jersey Shore cast jumps out.
BD: What the hell is on his feet?
ET: Lil Wayne can possibly save this monstrosity.
ET: Or not.
BD: This is offensive.
ET: The 2012 Grammys are bringing me back to Miami Beach circa 1998.
ET: I think David Guetta was there.
ET: That sounds like “Detachable Penis.”
BD: Where is Tiesto?
ET: Why are the Foo Fighters performing twice? Who put this lineup together? Dave Grohl’s dad?
BD: Damn, couldn’t have thrown Lady Gaga a Grammy performance bone?
ET: Here we go.
BD: This is getting very industrial.
BD: Bring out Trent Reznor!
ET: Deadmau5 was at Mansion a few weeks back an tickets were like $150, or so I heard.
BD: We are watching a rave.
ET: Such spermy lights.
BD: Dubstep, Bro.
ET: Dubstep needs to find a way to incorporate the brown note.
BD: Yes, Nicki Minaj, please give us something to talk about.
ET: Then maybe we’d have to hear less of it
BD: Wait, so still more performances, any more awards to give out?
ET: There’s the Best Chris Brown Performance of the Night.
11:04pm
[Nicki Minaj]
ET: Drake is my Valentine’s Day date.
BD: She’s on the Lady Gaga tip.
ET: This is exactly why I don’t like Nicky Minaj.
BD: Damn, she’s really tearing one out from Gaga’s playbook.
ET: These absurd narratives.
BD: On the Femme Fatale tour, she did something similar.
ET: This is garbage.
BD: This is unwatchable.
ET: Please quote me.
ET: She has so much talent, but this is shameful.
BD: This is a joke. They were right, it certainly has left us speechless
ET: Like a prayer, I ask that this end soon.
ET: You know when they tell you to write what you know. Nicky needs to listen to that advice.
BD: Gaga is pissed.
ET: Gaga’s probs thrilled. Now everyone’ll make fun of NIcky for being a biter instead of her biting off of Madonna.
BD: I wish they would show the horrified looks on the audiences faces.
ET: She’s such a drama school nerd.
BD: Boom. No standing ovation.
ET: I don’t care what you say, ladies love Cool J.
ET: Enough Adele worship.
BD: “No Surprise” thank you for saying it for the rest of us.
ET: So rude! I can’t believe he said that. This is ridiculous.
11:18pm
BD: I wish LL would just rap.
BD: Whoop, Diana!
ET: Her hair is a fairyland.
ET: Gaga is getting the cold shoulder.
BD: Yeah, why did she even show up?
ET: Harsh.
BD: Ugh, Adele.
ET: And the award goes to (yawn) Adele.
BD: So snoozeworthy.
BD: Oh quit it with the fake tears. You knew you were going to win.
ET: I think the guy behind her just rolled his eyes
BD: OK, that was funny. Snot all over that Grammy.
ET: I get dumped, and I get diarrhea. She gets dumped, she gets a dozen Grammys.
BD: Right? What is this life we are living?
ET: Well, at least she said snot onstage. She’s now cool in my book.
BD: First an OG, now a homie!
11:24pm
[Paul McCartney]
ET: My boy Paul McCartney!
ET: They’re probably really close friends.
BD: C’mon LL you know you want to jump out and rap.
ET: Where is Stella during all of this?
BD: So, did anyone else get on stage to accept an award tonight that wasn’t Adele?
ET: Bon Iver. That’s it.
BD: Everyone is real mad they got out of bed today.
ET: I bet he plays “Hey Jude” next.
ET: Seriously, wanna bet?
BD: Oh those suspenders. I love you, Paul!
ET: Imagine what it must be like to be Paul McCartney.
BD: Pretty lovely. I wouldn’t be cranky ever.
BD: Whoa, Dave Grohl snuck on stage?
BD: Wait, that was it? And they are seriously ending it with an Adele song in the credits? It wasn’t enough that she won the entire show?
ET: I finally can go back to never listening to Adele again.
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