Audio By Carbonatix
Kids across America will be swimming in Bantha poodoo come Saturday, as Lucasfilm launches their first wave of attacks against the evil empire that is illiteracy with Star Wars Reads. Maybe if little Anakin had been read to more when he was a kid, he wouldn’t have grown up into such a hot mess. We may never know.
The first Star Wars Reads Day, on October 6, 2012, will include over 1,000 events across the country in local libraries and bookstores. All will provide storytellers, some will have authors signing their books, and definitely expect some people dressed like Stormtroopers.
To commemorate this historic event, here’s a list of the eight best Star Wars characters we would want to read to our children (if we had any).
8. Tusken RaidersPersistent, ruthless, and nomadic, if these guys can’t get kids to shut up for story time, I don’t know that anyone can. Yeah, they don’t really speak English or any discernible language, but by golly, they sure are loud.
7. Darth MaulTalk about turning lemons into lemonade, Maul wouldn’t let a silly thing like being cut in half stop him from leading a meaningful life. It’s this kind of attitude that will lead our nation’s future into the next great era of prosperity.6. ChewbaccaFury, loyal, and lovable, Chewie has always been a popular character amongst the children. He’s like a huge dog that walks around on two legs and threatens to tear people’s arms off when he loses at video games. What child wouldn’t want to take this walking carpet home and be lulled to sleep by his indistinguishable woofs and growls?5. Wedge AntillesWedge is a survivor. One of the only background characters to make it through all three of the original films, and the one to blow up the second Death Star. Kids can learn a bunch from his gumption and willingness to outlive his contemporaries.4. Shmi SkywalkerShe’s like the Madonna of the Star Wars universe. She’s full of grace and the force is with her.3. ThrawnThough not actually in any of the movies or television shows, Thrawn was regarded as the best military strategist in the imperial navy. He would learn which weaknesses to exploit by studying a culture’s art (whhaaaaaaattt???). Little buggers from all over the galaxy would be lucky to have someone so cultured and accomplished read to them some Dr. Suess.2. Jabba the HuttJabba will make the children an offer they can’t refuse.1. Emperor PalpatineCharismatic, eloquent, and well-versed, the Emperor is a pro at delivering long orations to thousands of fictional senators from a galaxy far, far away. Moreover, it’s his ability to see into minds and manipulate one’s innermost thoughts and fears that will win over his young audience.Star Wars Reads locations in Broward and Palm Beach counties include: Dorothy Scott Oceola Memorial Library, 3100 NW 63 Street, Hollywood; Barnes and Noble, 11820 Pines Boulevard, Pembroke Pines; BAM, 12801 West Sunrise Boulevard, Suite 297, Sunrise; Barnes and Nobel, 591 South University Drive, Plantation; Barnes and Noble, 2051 North Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale; Barnes and Noble, 1400 Glades Road, Boca Raton; Barnes and Noble, 333 North Congress Ave., Boynton Beach.
