Audio By Carbonatix
Child actors are generally the most unstable crew of cuckoos since postal became a murder m.o. It is never a surprise to hear of once fresh-faced thespians being arrested at 4 in the morning with a midget hooker, an eight ball, and $300 lifted from the register of a convenience store. Thank god for Dustin Diamond, a man who stayed high and dry in the otherwise depraved cesspool known as Hollywood.
Some folks already know who Dustin Diamond is. Other people may need an explanation. Diamond played the annoying yet lovable nerd, Screech, on Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell: The New Class, and Saved by the Bell: The College Years. He’s also had some memorable roles in films such as Made and Big Fat Liar. The big fat question is: What is Dustin doing now? He’s just released an instructional video for anyone seeking the ins and outs of the crazy world of chess called, appropriately, Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess. Diamond also plays bass in a prog-rock band called Salty the Pocketknife. The Onion recently interviewed Diamond about his new passion: standup.
“I start out with the Screech stuff, because that’s what everyone knows me as and that’s what everyone wants to see right away,” Diamond says. “My act isn’t purely clean, because it’s coming from me and not the character. I’m not a squeaky-clean guy, but I would rather give them what they want to hear right away. Once that’s out of the way, the rest of the time is mine to play with. Like, I can talk about Slater. All the girls loved Slater. But I ask this: Do the girls that were the teeny-boppers back then realize that they liked the guy with the mullet? It wasn’t even a regular mullet; it was a permed mullet! He wore those white jeans that were pleated and the low-top cowboy boots with the buckles. Come on.”
