Be Afraid

You yellow-bellied chicken

THU 10/14

"All attractions are designed to scare, frighten, shock, startle, cause excessive perspiration, nervousness and panic." Fraternity meth party? Sunday supper at Dick Cheney's house? Nay and nay. Tonight begins the third Halloween season of Fright Nights at the South Florida Fairgrounds (9067 Southern Blvd., West Palm Beach). Besides fair rides and food-like substances to stick in your craw, the following megascary attractions (the Fright Nights website calls them "haunted experiences") promise to raise the beat of your telltale heart: The Manor ("What lies hidden behind those walls that is so horrid no one will speak of it?"); Asylum ("Some things are worse than dying!"); Afraid of the Dark ("No light, no sound, no help, no hope."); and Yesteryear Ripper ("Ruthless, killing anyone in his path for sport, each time a new method, a new thrill."). OK -- come out from under the bed already! We promised you this is not Sunday supper at Dick Cheney's house. But then again, it is brought to you by Clear Channel. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. The scary park starts up at 7 p.m. Thursdays through Saturdays and ends on Halloween Sunday. Tickets cost $13 to $18. Call 561-795-8883, or visit -- Dave Amber


Let them do the talking

TUE 10/19

In case you think the presidential candidates haven't adequately expressed their plans for the next four years, maybe you should let others speak for them. Hell, Dick Cheney's always been a sort of surrogate father to the president, so maybe a Surrogate Presidential Debate is in order. And that's exactly what's happening tonight at Temple Kol Ami (8200 Peters Rd., Plantation) as Bush campaign consultant Daniel Cohen trades policy barbs with Dr. Ralph Nurnberger of John Kerry's campaign. The debate focuses specifically on issues of concern to the Jewish community. That means Cohen would be wise to downplay his candidate's affinity for appointing overzealous evangelicals to every government position available. Think of it this way: It's a good way to learn the candidates' positions without the distractions of Bush's tongue-tied temper tantrums or Kerry's endless Vietnam anecdotes. The debate starts at 7:30 p.m. Call 954-252-6949. -- Jason Budjinski

Art of the Matter

The fest is yet to come

SAT 10/16

Itinerant artisans rejoice: There's one more event where you can peddle your digitally enhanced photographs of Key West sunsets, hand-dyed macramé moccasins, bobble-head puppy sculptures, spoon rings, and ashtrays modeled to look like abstract nudes. No city is ever complete without an arts fair, and downtown Hollywood hosts its second-annual Arts and Music Fest on Saturday and Sunday (Hollywood Boulevard between Tyler Street and Dixie Highway). More than 50 artists compete for cash prizes of $200 in each category. Nonartists can win something too; sponsor Jet Blue is giving away two round-trip tickets. Plus, there's plenty of music from Fabio Zini, Koitre, Robin Avery, Dr. J, Peter Betan, Teri Wilson (right), and more. And it's free! Call 954-921-3404. -- Gail Shepherd

Hurricane Ha-Ha

THU 10/14

You spent all of September huddled under a mattress in your bathtub while Joel Lawrence -- optician by day, comic by night -- was organizing events like tonight's Comedy Hurricane Relief Show at the Garage Bar & Grill (600 N. Congress Ave., Delray Beach), where comedians Peter Sasso, Dexter Angry, and 99.1 DJ Ice T perform to benefit the American Red Cross and others. Admission costs $10. Call 561-278-5554. -- Gail Shepherd

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