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Claustrophobic Nightmare

Halloween just hasn’t been that scary since New Times’ iPhone fell into a construction ditch. When we climbed down to retrieve it, we tripped on a shovel, mountains of earth collapsed on us, and dirt filled our lungs. That’s when we noticed the dead body next to us and the maggots feasting on the open sores of its remaining flesh. So, yeah, most haunted houses are just lame now — come on, do they get their script off of cereal boxes? First it’s the old lady, then the chain-saw guy, cue the ghost, cut the lights, and show’s over. True fear is all about claustrophobia, and leave it to our resident whale-wrangling park to know all about putting animals in tightly enclosed spaces. This year, Buried Alive at the Miami Seaquarium (4400 Rickenbacker Causeway, Key Biscayne) drops you in the suffocating nightmare of a horrific underground hell. For just 13 bucks, you can scare the (bleep) out of your girlfriend, enjoy unlimited carnival rides, and glory in the salvation of food, music, and beer. The park is open from 7 to 11 p.m. starting Friday and running through this weekend and next (October 28 to 31) on the “field of screams” next to the Seaquarium. Don’t bring your kids if they’re under 13. Call 786-235-4140, or visit
Oct. 22-24, 7 p.m.; Oct. 28-31, 7 p.m., 2010
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Jacob Katel

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