Coming to a Chapel Near You

You can find anything on the Internet these days. If you’re looking to throw an Italian-American wedding, can guide the process. It has nine pointers for wedding planners: among them, that you shower the couple with sugar-coated almonds (instead of rice), serve a luscious Italian meal, and shatter a vase at the end of the ceremony to bestow luck on the first year of marriage. But it gives no advice on how to restrain brawling relatives or put out a car fire.

In Tony and Tina’s Wedding, a film playing at Cinema Paradiso (503 SE 6th St., Fort Lauderdale) tonight, just such catastrophes eventuate – and many more. The film’s based on a smash-hit, off-Broadway play of the same name. The play, unlike the film, encompassed the audience in the hoopla as real-time wedding guests. But both the film and the play pulse with ethnic stereotypes and delight in the wholesale devastation of a holy day. Never mind gays – this movie is the foremost threat to the Sacred Institution of Marriage. The pretty Ukrainian girl from “That 70s Show,” Mila Kunis, stars as the bride. Tickets cost $8. Call 954-760-9898, or visit
Sat., Jan. 19, 2008

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Penn Bullock