It's a numbers game, they figure. The more big names on the marquee, the more likely you are to show up, and doozies abound on the Miami Spring Fest 2005 ticket. Duking it out at the top of the bill are rapper T.I. (the self-proclaimed "King of the South," pictured) and tattoo tablet the Game, G-Unit's newest protégé, who will perform without his posse. In full effect, though, will be Crime Mob, keeping it crunk and knucking 'cause they're buck. And though she looks more sexy than buck, you don't want to mess with new crunk-&-B singer Brooke Valentine, if you believe her intimidating single "Girlfight." You're liable to get a beatdown -- and love it.
Sure to be crowd favorites are pint-sized dynamo Amerie and Atlanta native Ciara, whose single "Oh" is riding high. Repping South Florida are Trick Daddy and Pitbull, and this isn't even the half of the day's acts (see Outtakes, page 63). For a full lineup of this Bayfront Park event -- which is being hosted by P. Diddy, MTV's La La, Russ Parr, and the WEDR-FM 99 Jamz team -- visit www.miamispringfest.com, or call 877-866-8575. Tickets cost 50 ducats. Doors open at 3 p.m. -- Makkada Selah
Kickin' it pagan style
If Stonehenge had a/c, it would be just like the May Day Festival and family picnic to be held at the Unitarian Universalist Church (3970 NW 21st Ave., Fort Lauderdale) on Saturday from noon to dark. The traditional Celtic celebration marks the beginning of springtime, which is when little Druids would hoist their Maypoles symbolizing fertility. Alas, this did not make them better lovers. In the mutton-clogged artery days before Viagra, the rites of spring were reserved solely for those who could successfully bribe Merlin. Speaking of which, feel free to come in costume and mingle with Reiki therapists, tarot readers, and henna artists. This is a BYO food-and-drink feast, and if you could kick in a few nonperishables, the Cooperative Feeding Program of Broward County would be much obliged. The event is sponsored by the Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans, and it's free. Call 954-484-6734. -- John Shannon
Andrea Parker isn't scared of thick and nasty beats
Just when we thought the superstar DJ had gone the way of the dot-com millionaire, here comes Andrea Parker, jetting in from Britain to prove that electro isn't dead. The mixtress has toured with Radiohead and worked on projects like Two Sandwiches Short of a Lunchbox. "My music is quite visual and cinematic," she has said. "I listened to it in a dark room and it really reminded me of a nasty swamp." Parker masterminds the decks at PS14 (28 NE 14th St., Miami) from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. Friday. Admission costs $10. Preshow, she visits Sweat Records (2320 NE Second Ave., Miami) from 7 to 8 p.m. Call 305-573-5681. -- Deirdra Funcheon
Nori x 2
One of the missions of local reggae act Nori Nori is to spread the message of peace and unity throughout the world. Pretty lofty goals for a white dude with dreads. His diabolical plot will start to unfold Friday at the Cove (1755 SE Third Ct., Deerfield Beach). Hear his versatile fusion of reggae, soca, jazz and R&B on stage from 8 to 11 p.m. Call 954-421-9272, or visit www.norinori.net. -- Paul A. Leone