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Drunk Bus!

Listen up, party people. There's a principle that governs any event where free or extremely cheap drinks are involved. It’s called the Open Bar Postulate. It states the following: the time frame in which free alcohol is available is in inverse proportion to the drinker's level of shitfacedness. In other words, the narrower the window of opportunity on those drink tickets is, the more beverages an otherwise normal person will attempt to cram down their gullet.

So it's with the utmost gravity that we suggest you exercise restraint during tonight's Winterfest Bus Loop, a for-charity bar-crawl taking place all across Fort Lauderdale. Yes, the urge to race through the free drinks and appetizers available at nine participating establishments (including Tarpon Bend, America's Backyard, and Chima) will be high, no doubt. But take heart in the fact that you'll have from 5:30 to 10 p.m. — nearly five hours all told — to complete your task. Start by picking up a drink card at either Riverfront Plaza (300 SW First Ave.) or Lulu's Bait Shack (17 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd.). Then proceed to get snockered. A Sun Trolley will run between the venues, so you won't even have to worry about getting to and from your next free drink fix. Drink cards cost $20, or $15 if you order in advance at the Young Professionals for Covenant House website, ypfch.org.
Fri., Dec. 5, 2008

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John Linn

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