Part Shakespeare, part Penthouse letter writer, singer/guitarist Stephen Lynch takes the art of storytelling to a sexually confusing and deliciously sarcastic new level. Sick songs packaged with beautiful melodies spew forth on Lynch's latest comedy album. Superhero tackles issues of alcoholism and gynecological health. It answers the burning questions of today's youth on "What If That Guy From the Smashing Pumpkins Lost His Car Keys?" and features one of the most off-color pub songs ever written. Lynch even throws in the obligatory song about bad priests to prove he's an equal opportunity offender. He recently starred in his own Comedy Central special and got a special shout-out from Dr. Demento in an Onion A.V. Club article. Let the offending begin. Lynch performs at 7:30 p.m. at Carefree Theater (2000 S. Dixie Hwy., West Palm Beach). Tickets cost $17.50. Call 561-833-7305.
Friday, March 28
Alas, Saint Patrick's Day has come and gone, leaving only hangovers, blurry memories, and beer-stained, green garb in its wake. But those who didn't get enough of the Emerald Isle this past March 17 can catch another heaping helping of Celtic culture when the Trinity Irish Step Dancers kick their way onto the stage at Duncan Theatre (4200 Congress Ave., Lake Worth). Founded in 1990 by artistic director Mark Howard, the dance troupe predates such cultural phenomena as Riverdance, Lord of the Dance, and, well, anything else Michael Flatley has done in the last decade. If you can't catch the performance at 8 p.m. tonight, there's another one tomorrow. Same Irish time, same Irish channel. Tickets cost $25, $30, or $35. Call 561-868-3309.
Saturday, March 29
Warriors Boxing, which made a splash in South Florida by bringing big-name fighters to train here, recently expanded to the often shadowy world of boxing promotion. The next zenith for the neophyte promotions team is today's Backyard Brawl II. This is quite a week for heavyweight boxing in South Florida. Dreadlocked wash-up Shannon Briggs brawls on Thursday and tonight's bill features yet another older heavyweight trying to stage a comeback: Former heavyweight champ Michael Moorer takes on Otis Lee Tisdale. Moorer became the first left-hander ever to gain the heavyweight title when he defeated Evander Holyfield in a controversial decision April 22, 1994. Alas, fame and fortune were fleeting for Moorer; in November of that same year, George Foreman slapped Moorer down as if he was a big patty ripe for the lean, mean, fat-reducing grilling machine. The champ KOed Moorer in the 10th round. An equally brief reign as IBF champ ended with Holyfield putting Moorer on ice to unite the IBF and WBA titles. Will Moorer stage a comeback? See for yourself at the Coconut Creek Casino (5600 NW 40th St., Coconut Creek). A Latin-American Junior Welterweight female title bout precedes the main event, with Ada Velez taking on Belinda "Brown Sugar" Laracuente. While you're at the casino, join the prefight and postfight parties, where Roy Jones Jr. will be taking congratulations and adulations for crushing no-good palooka John Ruiz. Call 877-50FIGHT.
Sunday, March 30
Nerf Herder is known primarily for three things -- the Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme song, tributes to bands more famous than it (i.e. "Van Halen" and "Courtney," which Courtney Love reportedly complimented by describing the song as "bizarre"), and always being pigeon-holed in that little niche of rock music known variously as dork rock, nerd core, and a host of other names. Rivers Cuomo looms large over the world of dork rock, but bands such as Nerf Herder have made great strides in getting their own brand of geek chic out from under Weezer's shadow. The group's most recent album, 2002's American Cheese, covers everything from eating a bowl of Apple Jacks while jerking off to late-night Cinemax porn to obsessive crushes on Jenna Bush. And if that ain't nerdy, we don't know what is. Check out the band in a performance at the Factory (2674 E. Oakland Park Blvd., Fort Lauderdale). The Reunion Show will open for them. Call 954-566-6331.
Monday, March 31
Seduction! Intrigue! Backstabbing! Who says opera is boring? The Palm Beach Opera concludes its 40th season with Franz Lehar's The Merry Widow. This three-act operetta follows the exploits of a colorful group of characters in an intoxicating whirl of elegance, champagne, and lilting waltzes. Hanna, a young widow, must decide whether to fight off a cadre of greedy suitors or marry Count Danilo, an infamous playboy, and lose her fortune. But it turns out Hanna and Count Danilo participated in their own horizontal waltz years before and are still in love. What is a filthy rich widow to do? Well, sing and dance of course! The Merry Widow takes place at 2 p.m. March 30 and 31 at the Kravis Center (701 Okeechobee Blvd., West Palm Beach). Tickets cost $18-$120. Call 561-832-7469.
Tuesday, April 1
Hobe Sound Nature Center (13640 SE Federal Hwy., Hobe Sound) begins taking reservations for its sea turtle walks today. Space fills up fast for the jaunts, which take place in June and July. Besides, with turtle populations decreasing rapidly each and every mating season, it may only be a matter of time before the big slow-movers are merely a memory. So, it's best to get out there while you still can. Walks are held at night and light is kept to a minimum so that participants may observe the slow but steady arrival of mother turtles on their way to setting up a beach nest and betting their gene-pool hopes on the survival of just a handful of the dozens of eggs. Call 772-546-2067.
Wednesday, April 2
Although it may sound like another befuddling patriotic tag from Bush and the gang, Taste of the Nation actually benefits a good cause. Share Our Strength, a national organization that fights hunger, sponsors this annual food and wine festival at the Broward County Convention Center (1950 Eisenhower Blvd., Fort Lauderdale). The event brings together restaurants, vintners, and chefs to create a one-of-a-kind party for the whole community. There will also be live and silent auctions, and ticket proceeds support Share Our Strength's efforts to eliminate hunger and poverty. Food and wine tasting begins at 7 p.m. Tickets cost $75 per person before April 1, $85 per person at the door (see Foodstuff, page 43). Call 954-792-3852.