Get to the Gridiron

Being a Miami football fan this year is akin to being a prisoner of war: The experience just keeps getting worse, with no end in sight. As anxiety slowly morphs into desperation, you want to do something, anything, to change matters -- but you’re trapped and your captors are out of reach. You’d help if only you weren’t too small to play for the Dolphins, but at this point even that’s up for debate, as the Fins fail-forward-fast towards an 0-16 finish.

This Sunday, you’ll have a chance to “escape” when the Miami Dolphins take on the hated New York Jets at 1 p.m. at Dolphin Stadium (2269 Dan Marino Boulevard, Miami Gardens). Since our territory will no doubt be full of obnoxious New Yorkers, it’s your patriotic duty to represent the banana republic of Miami and stave off the occupation. Stand up for your freedom from football persecution by snagging tickets, they start at $29 bucks. Call 866-fins-tx, or visit
Sun., Dec. 2, 1 p.m., 2007

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Tom McFadden