Gigantic Fucking Muscles

Freakishly fit men and women will be flexing their engorged, glistening musculature in Speedos and bikinis at the 31st Annual NPC Southern States Championships, the largest of its kind east of the Mississippi. The contestants, from teenagers to the middle-aged and over-70 seniors, have been subjecting themselves to punishing workouts and protein diets in the hopes of advancing to the nationals and becoming, say, the next Schwarzenegger. Onstage, they’ll show off their best poses, perform as many pushups and pull-ups as humanly possible in a minute, and move in choreographed dance routines as judges eye them for flaws. Eminent “guest posers” will be there too.

It starts Friday at 10 a.m. with prejudging in women’s fitness, figure, and bikini and men’s fitness and physique, followed by a full show in those categories at 6 p.m. On Saturday at 10 a.m., prejudging begins for the bodybuilders — real-life Hulks who could snap your neck with a twitch of their thighs — followed at 6 p.m. by their full show — tickets to which cost $25. For all other events, tickets cost $20. The NPC Southern States Championships are held at the War Memorial Auditorium (800 NE Eighth St., Fort Lauderdale). Call 954-828-5380, or visit npcsouthernstates.com.
Fri., July 8, 10 a.m.; Sat., July 9, 10 a.m., 2011

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Penn Bullock