Give Your Tree an Honorable Farewell

Ahh, Christmas tree, we’ve shared a lot of good times. Remember when the cats climbed up your bushy branches and knocked you over, breaking two thirds of your high fashion accessories (ornaments)? Ooh! Or how about the time the dog got sick from drinking the aspirin water in your stand and vomited on all of the presents? And who can forget that special night when the menorah caught your needled limbs aflame? (Don’t worry, I always considered that heirloom angel gaudy.)

But as we do each year, we must part ways. Which begs the question: Is it crueler to abandon you on the side of the road until bulk trash day – turning a blind eye to your slow starvation, or to shove you into a mega chipper and have all evidence of our time together be ground up into tiny mulch-like pieces? I’m going with the latter, that way you don’t wind up in a landfill somewhere. So get ready, we’re going to our nearby park today between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. to dispose of you responsibly at the Chip-A-Tree program. Fourteen Broward County parks are participating, so the odds are there’s one nearby that has no qualms about chopping you up into merciless memory shavings.

For information on parks near you, call 954-357-8100. This program runs through Sunday.
Sat., Dec. 29, 2007

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Jamie Laughlin