“I Feel Faint. Maybe I Need Mouth-to-Mouth?”

“Why, hello there. Do you run here often? (Pant, pant.) I’ve noticed that your sneakers have exceptional arch support — maybe I could give you a foot rub after this race is over? (Pant, pant.) Your biceps brachii are so (pant, pant) bulging — is that from raising and lowering your hose every day? (Pant, pant.) Really, that’s fascinating. Hey, there’s a guy handing out cups of water — would you like me to pour it on you? You look a little (pant, pant) hot, and you probably get (pant, pant) tired of putting out fires every day, tee hee. (Pant, pant.) Wow, you’re really running fast (pant, pant). Maybe I’ll just lag back and catch you at the finish line. (Pant, pant.) No? Really? Uh, are you sure? (Pant, pant.) This isn’t an accurate reflection of my (pant, pant) stamina; I just don’t usually run unless chased.”

Get hot and sweaty while chasing firefighters up Hollywood Beach’s Broadwalk this morning during the Firefighters 5K Run and Fun Walk. Registration starts at (groan!) 6 a.m. and the race starts at 7 a.m. Pre-register for $20 by calling Runner’s Depot (954-474-4074), or register onsite for $25. Meet up where Johnson Street dead-ends at Hollywood Beach. All proceeds benefit local scholarship funds.
Sun., Sept. 7, 6 a.m., 2008

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Jamie Laughlin