I Will Not Pay to Sweat

We and millions of other Americans vowed to slim down once the clock struck 2009, but this year, laziness and procrastination have a strange new bedfellow, and it kinda almost rhymes with robbery. You got it, the economy. And since we have millions of Americans to commiserate with, we’re forced to admit it’s a pretty valid reason. After all, a typical gym membership costs more than the McDonald’s trips that are forcing us to get the membership in the first place. But lucky for us, our fair city has a thrifty solution that will make our wallets happy and our double chins R.I.P. It’s called a vita course, and it’s made up of the contraptions you see dotting the running paths at county parks. Ya know, the ones you used to smoke doobies on before Mom let you blaze in the house. At any given park from Haulover Beach to Tropical, the courses consist of 12 to 20 stops, where signage explains how the damn thing works. It will tell you the reps, explain proper form, and do everything a high-priced trainer would do — except look sexy in spandex. And at Miami Lakes West and South Dade Park, all of the equipment is grouped together in what the city calls an “adult playground,” but we call it “a workout minus the running.” Visit www.miamidade.gov/parks/sports/fitness.asp for a complete list of vita courses.
Mon., Jan. 12, 2009