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If the Happy Times Hotel is rockin', don't come knockin'. Problem is, the "hotel" never even starts to jiggle -- despite the fact that it's a pimped-out bus specially designed for Chinese couples who want to get some privacy from their 4,999,999,998 fellow countrymen. The hotel's owner -- who came up with the business idea in order to turn a quick buck and impress his bride-to-be -- is too prudish to let any lovers even shut the door. That's just the first of many twists in this weird comedy from Chinese director Zhang Yimou. See? There is more to Eastern cinema than crouching tigers, hidden dragons, and Jet Li karate-chopping the bejesus out of thugs. Catch the movie at Sunrise Cinemas at Mizner Park (301 Plaza Real, Boca Raton) at 6:45 p.m. Call 561-392-2500, ext. 211. (DF)


Cheetos. Beer. The first-season DVD of Golden Girls. You'll need to stock up on these items on Thursday. Not because there's another hurricane coming -- but because today is the Boycott for Equality, when gays and lesbians are asked to stay home from work, refrain from using cell phones, and avoid spending a single penny. Despite all the queers who walked down aisles this summer, the feds still haven't gotten the message: Gays want full legal protections and civil liberties. Just wait till Bush and his minions hear Alan Greenspan say, "Dude, where's my $1.4 billion that gay people dump into the national economy on a normal day?" Visit (DF)


It's not always easy for TV actors to make the transition from the pomp and glitter of the Hollywood studio to a live stage in New York City. That goes double when the play is Hamlet, and that's just the situation facing Andrew Rally in I Hate Hamlet, which opens this weekend at the Pine Island Multi-Purpose Center (3801 S. Pine Island Rd., Davie). As if things weren't tough enough for Rally on the acting front, his girlfriend won't even, um -- you know -- until they're married. And then things get weird: The apartment he moved into was once home to the late Shakespearean actor John Barrymore, whose ghost gives Rally some advice on acting and dating -- before putting the ghostly moves on Rally's girlfriend. Yep. Try telling that to your therapist. Find out tonight at 8. I Hate Hamlet runs through October 17. Tickets cost $10 to $12. Call 954-797-1153. (JB)

SUN 10

It's probably not fair to call Arkansas-born comic Etta May a poor man's version of Roseanne Barr; that's true only insofar as material wealth, not comedic flare. May would fit right in on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, with her amusing anecdotes about raising kids and playing Bingo. Self-described as "Minnie Pearl with a migraine," the polyester-clad comic drums up one-liners to rival Jeff Foxworthy ("You know you're getting fat when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises!"). So if you're a student at Florida Atlantic University (777 Glades Rd., Boca Raton), don't be fooled into thinking she's someone's aunt who got lost on the way back from the thrift store. Just give her a few minutes and you'll be wishing you had a spare trailer she could stay in. May and her granny glasses take the auditorium stage tonight at 7:30. Tickets cost $20. Call 561-297-3730. (JB)

MON 11

Three-chord punk attacked the pomposity of '70s prog rock like the Ramones' proverbial baseball bat on the brat. But by decade's end, many punk bands got bored with the same ol', same ol' and started experimenting with new sounds. Today, the same schism has occurred in the emo scene, as bands like Brazil splinter away from the conventional sounds of the genre, eagerly utilizing keyboards, cacophony, and, yes, falsetto vocals. Brazil is not exactly Sunny Day Real Estate meets Rush -- the boys are too earnest for such a grandiose description. Then again, the boys are young, and they do have a nearly seven-minute song. Let's see what the next decade brings. Brazil performs tonight with A Thorn for Every Heart, Emery, and From First to Last at the Factory (2674 E. Oakland Park Blvd., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost $9 to $10. Show starts at 7 p.m. Call 954-564-ROCK. (JB)

TUE 12

Lauren Echo has been called "the queen of anti-folk jazz-soul-blues." But her tunes won't inspire you to roll out a red carpet, plan a coup, or beat the shit out of Carole King. They're soft, mellow tunes -- what you might expect from a pretty blond who's been compared to Sheryl Crow, Bonnie Raitt, and Melissa Etheridge; whose album is called Still; who poses for cover art in a little tank top. In other words, she plays music to eat kabobs by. Echo performs at 7 and 9 tonight at the new-ish Middle Eastern restaurant, Leila (120 S. Dixie Hwy., West Palm Beach). The seminal Savannah Connect writes that she puts on "one hell of a live show." To listen first, visit Call 561-659-7373. (DF)

WED 13

Traveling the world for the past 23 years, photographer Alyx Kellington has seen more poverty, sickness, and social injustice than she probably would have liked to. But documenting such dour images is her job. As a photographer for Newsweek, the New York Times, and other major news publications, Kellington has spent years living in war-torn nations like Haiti and El Salvador, capturing bleak vignettes of life in the Third World. However, Kellington took special interest in the plight of the female in combat, both as victims and soldiers, as well as her own experiences as a female photographer. She shares her observations in the lecture "Women and War" tonight at the Palm Beach Institute of Contemporary Art (601 Lake Ave., Lake Worth). Don't you wonder why Lynndie England was the poster child of the Abu Ghraib scandal, not some greasy-palmed guy? The lecture starts at 7 p.m. Call 561-582-0006. (JB)

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