OMG, it’s Pr0n!

It’s official: This year’s Exxxotica Miami Beach – you know, the annual Adult Industry trade convention that gathers even more freaks than usual on South Beach – is also going to be home to the Amateur Adult Film Awards. The AMMYs will be a lot of fun because (1) any schlub with a sex organ can enter by visiting, and (2) the categories are fucking genius: Best Male and Female Soloist. Worst Lighting. Lifetime Achievement (for those truly trail-blazing amateurs who excel at sucking). Nominees for the lifetime award include the likes of Tommy Lee, Kim Kardashian, Dustin Diamond, and – of course – Paris Hilton. Exxxotica organizers have even extended an olive branch to the probably reluctant honorees. “You always hear about the negative things celebrities do,” says J. Handy, Exxxotica’s founder. “But we’re recognizing them for something they’ve done to put smiles on millions of faces.” Yes, porn moguls are the coolest moguls around.

Good times, right? Yep, but there’s so much more to do during the convention, running Friday at 4 p.m. till Sunday at 7 p.m., when the last bit of lube is licked. Aside from the hundreds of exhibitors that will hock everything from tranny flicks to rubber dicks, there will be live entertainment like the Pillow Fight League, the Screaming O Contest, the Ms. Exxxotica Competition, and the Shake Those Titties Wet T-shirt Contest, which doesn’t even try for subtlety. Future porn stars can attend the seminars, where Dr. Ary Krau can teach you how to “retool your body for fun & recreation,” and Leon & Kennedy can school happy couples on “Swinging 101.” The weekend-long tent session all goes down at the Miami Beach Convention Center (1901 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach). Tickets range from $35 for a one-day pass to $100 for the Big Daddy – that’s 3-days of VIP access. Visit
Fri., April 18; Sat., April 19; Sun., April 20, 2008

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
John Linn