Oye, Merry Chrih'mah

We need to start a movement. It's time we take back Christmas from the lazy bourgeois Claus family. That pessimistic, fat scumbag Santa works one day of the year and spends 364 days casting judgment on us? Ewww. Let us commence Occupy North Pole. Better yet, on account of how mind-numbingly cold it is there, let's just commit to occupying Santa's Enchanted Forest at Tropical Park (7900 SW 40th St., Miami). Actually, forget the whole occupation crap altogether -- let's go have some fun with carnies. Forget milk and cookies; they have elephant ears and mini doughnuts! And the Adam Burke tiger show, Cirque Equinox, or that crazy dude wrestling alligators won't give you a lump of coal because you lied on your résumé. For the next few months, you can ride and vomit at Tropical Park to your heart's content for just $25.69. Join the fun. Call 305-892-2848, or visit santasenchantedforest.com.
Nov. 6-Jan. 8, 2011
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Orlando Winter