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Put the Needle Down...

Pick the needle up

SUN 12/26

Don't let the name intimidate you. DJ Icey, a.k.a. 36-year-old Eddie Pappa, might as well be called DJ Nicey. "I got the name Icey," he says, "because when I was 18, I lived with three guys, and I had a new down comforter I wanted to enjoy at night. I used to put the A/C down to 60, and the apartment would be freezing." The DJ, who grew up and still lives in Orlando, learned to spin by mixing Nitzer Ebb's "Join in the Chant" and Depeche Mode's "Stranglelove" -- "on two belt-driven turntables I bought at the Salvation Army and a crappy Radio Shack mixer." Eventually, he graduated to a set of Technics 1200s, toured the world, and became known as the "King of Breaks."

One day, the Iceman let his friend Baby Anne play with his equipment. (Yeah, boys, we're sure you wouldn't mind letting her, uh, play with your equipment either!) She proved to have a royal touch of her own, and a fondness for fun, old-school synthesizer beats eventually earned her the title "The Bass Queen." Both Icey and Anne (no, they've never been a couple) will be among the 25 turntablists at the 9-year-old Candyland party at River nightclub (formerly Pure, 66 SW Sixth St., Miami) this weekend.

Rabbit in the Moon -- the fearsome, captivating collective that has been called "the Grateful Dead of electronic music" -- will join them. When the team performed at the Ultra Music Festival last year, the crowd was terrified that front-man Bunny (pictured) was going to escape from the straitjacket he was wearing but, at the same time, mesmerized by his weirdness. The Rabbits' hard beats are matched only by their insane visuals. We recommend leaving the acid at home, lest you want to end up with panic-inducing flashbacks for the rest of your days on Earth.

Party promoter Angel Candelaria says he expects 2,000 to 3,000 people to fill the club for Candyland this year. So hurry and buy your tickets ($20) at www.miamiatnight.com. The show happens Sunday, December 26. No problem; if you don't use those sick days by the end of the year, they just disappear! Call 305-270-3324. -- Deirdra Funcheon

A Baby Shower

Minus the Camels

SUN 12/26

Since Tickle Me Elmo had yet to be invented 2004 years ago, three wise men brought Baby Jesus gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The latter two substances are gum resins -- a.k.a. sap, taken from trees around Somalia. Frankincense was used as incense -- handy if you're sleeping with camels -- and myrrh was used as a perfume, a cosmetic, a medicine, and an embalming aid. Kind of an early version of Febreze!

In Latin cultures, it's big to re-enact the Kings' journey with a Three Kings Parade. (It's also popular to celebrate Jesus' baptism by putting gifts for kids under their beds and setting out food, not for Santa but for the camels!) Locally, our shindig starts at the Esplanade across from the Museum of Discovery and Science (401 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale) at noon Sunday and goes to the Riverwalk (along the New River at Las Olas Boulevard), where you can chill out on the viewing stands and watch kids from the Fort Lauderdale Children's Theatre (acting as the wise men and Jesus), plus horses and greyhounds (acting as camels and sheep), go by. Performances -- by Colombian folk dancers, a stilt walker/juggler, and Naima, a teenaged singer -- start at 12:30 and last until 5 p.m. Call 954-527-0627, or visit www.fiestafortlauderdale.com. -- Deirdra Funcheon

Boys, Go Away!

Girls spice it up

SAT 12/25

To swipe some obscure '80s song lyrics (Transvision Vamp's rework of "Lola"), "The boys want the boys and the girls want the girls/It's a mixed-up, muddled-up, shook-up world." Sometimes, though, it's a really fun world -- like when 500 of the aforementioned kind of girls gather together at Elements (3073 NE Sixth Ave., Wilton Manors). Tonight, the booby-and-booty-fest features a performance by South African singer Karma, plus a record-release party for former Spice Girl Emma Bunton -- a self-described "part mummy's girl, part hot, sexy bitch" -- who has dropped the tag Baby Spice, taken out her ponytails, and looks very, very grown up, if you know what we mean. Ladies can get some free swag with Emma's photo on it, but boys -- straight boys, anyway -- can take your lesbian fantasies and your bottle of Vaseline to the strip club; do not pass go, and do not come in here and bother us (you are sooo grody!), thank you very much. Call 954-288-8691, or visit www.ultra-events.com. -- Deirdra Funcheon

Santa Won't Remember!

SAT 12/25

What would Christmas be without a night of free tequila shots to help all the presents go down? You'll get tequila, champagne, and more -- like giveaways from Victoria's Secret -- at Madd Entertainment's Merry Champagne Christmas at the New Millennium Ballroom (1484 E. Hallandale Beach Blvd., Hallandale Beach). Madd's Stephanie Armstrong explains, "It's a party! A party all night, and enjoy Christmas!" She's selected some of the hemisphere's finest selectors to provide the entertainment: Black Roze (from Orlando), Megga Flexx (Miami), King Midas (Jamaica), Libra Love (NYC), and Richie Pooh (Beenie Man's cousin). The party starts at 11 p.m. and goes till 5 a.m. There's a whole year for Santa to forget tonight's deeds, so don't be afraid to be bad, bad, bad! Admission is $25 to $30. Call 786-356-0618, or visit www.maddentertainment.com. -- Deirdra Funcheon

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Deirdra Funcheon

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