Rapid Deterioration

There’s absolutely nothing embarrassing about being a 26-year-old man who rides waterslides. There may, however, be something embarrassing about screaming louder than that girl who was in line before you for Pirate’s Plunge. But you’re not afraid of monsters in your closet, and you eat all your broccoli – what’s that little girl got on you anyway?

And who cares? The trappings of age shoot out the window faster than a raft careening down a flume once you set foot in the Rapids Waterpark (6566 N Military Trail, West Palm Beach). The massive, liquid playground threatens to destroy all the maturity you so proudly cultivated over the years, but damn if it doesn’t feel good. And now that the Rapids has opened Splash Island, you’ll have that much more to regress over. The new, four-acre addition to the park includes ten attractions to make you wet, including the Raging Rapids, six high-speed flumes, and the awkwardly porno-named Black Thunder (where a four-person raft is shot into a pitch-black funnel that whips you around like a penny in a mall donation bowl – fun!). The new rides should be a blast, but the old ones are still there too, including the comforting embrace of our favorite excursion, the Lazy River (oh my god, it’s so very, very lazy!). The park opens at 10 a.m. daily. Admission is $31.95. Call 561-842-8756, or visit www.rapidswaterpark.com.
Starts: Aug. 26. Daily, 2007

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John Linn