Tailgate Like a Pro

Regardless of whether the Miami Dolphins can surmount their dismal ΄06 season, let alone beat the Dallas Cowboys this Sunday, there’s one thing we will never lose: the joy of tailgating. Yup, there’s nothing like setting up camp in a concrete lot, hours before the actual game, with the sole purpose of getting completely snockered (OK, gorging yourself on grilled food too). But without the right ingredients, tailgating goes from “deliciously good time” to “cocktail of carnage” faster than you can chug a cold Schlitz. So refer to our handy checklist to ensure a notch in the win column every time.

•Rule of Beer: Expert travelers say, “Pack what you need, then remove two sets of clothes.” Expert tailgaters say, “Load the cooler until a linebacker can’t lift it.”

•Loud Rock Tunes: Something to dull the sounds of the “Macarena” and “Electric Slide” coming from the annoying convoy of PG-gaters to your right.

•Sunglasses: To mask your ogling of the opposite sex.

•Weather Preparations: You’ll need two cases of SPF 50 to survive the first hour, and one oversized umbrella per person to survive the next four. Suck it up, and be thankful you’re not at Lambeau.

•Neck Pillow: Because halftime = drunken naptime.

•Jumper Cables: Oops. You ran your radio and AC for five hours before the game.

•The Vitals: Dolphins Stadium (2269 Dan Marino Blvd., Miami). Kick off is at 4:05 p.m.

•Tickets: Forgetting these is a surefire way to ruin your tailgating experience. Seats start at $29. Call 1-888-FINS-TIX, buy ΄em online at www.ticketmaster.com, or (for the adventurous) hit up the ever-present scalpers patrolling the lot.
Sun., Sept. 16

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John Linn