Lists

Ten People You See at Every Halloween Party

Halloween is here, and you know what that means: Halloween parties. This is the one time of year when you can be the most ridiculous version of your childish self and actually get a high-five for it. You can wear hardly anything and passers-by will barely bat an eyelash. You can wear things that would normally get the police called on you. You can do most anything on Halloween, and no one will judge you — it's the closest thing we have in reality to The Purge.

You see a little bit of everything at Halloween parties. Here are some of the people and costumes you're guaranteed to see at tonight's Halloween parties.
10. The Duo
Just some bros bro-ing out right here. At every Halloween party, you'll find the two dudes that treat Halloween like their Super Bowl. It's as if they believe this is their one shot at impressing a movie producer who will somehow coincidentally show up at the same party. Every Halloween party needs these guys, but after a while, you find yourself taking a few steps back from them because it's never a good idea to stare into the sun for too long.
9. The Couple
The Couple comes to a Halloween party in matching or supporting costumes that a lot of effort was obviously put into. It's like they need to use Halloween as a representation of how deep their love is. Hey, look how much we love each other — he's Romeo and I'm Juliet! BARF. It's usually pretty apparent who picked out the lead costume and who was left as the supporting act. That other person is just an accessory, really.
8. The Cosplayer
The Cosplayer didn't need to shop for a costume; they just needed to pick which outfit they were feeling most at the moment. They're usually way too prepared come Halloween. Every detail is on point, and it's weirding you out but oddly turning you on. Wait, do you have a My Little Pony fetish? What is happening right now? It's Halloween; just go with it.
7. The Single Ladies
No Halloween party would be complete without a group of single ladies huddling in the corner, poking and prodding at each other's costumes with one hand and carrying a drink in the other. These girls are out for blood — not in a vampire way, but in a way that makes it obvious they're judging every other girl's costume. The Single Ladies are a terrific part of any Halloween party, provided you don't cross them or someone they love. If you do, be prepared to have your life ruined.
6. The Sexy Costume
Oh, look, it's the sexily outfitted lady all the Single Ladies are gossiping about! At every Halloween party, you'll find sexiness. This is not news. But there's always that one woman who shakes things up, taking her costume further than everyone else's. You know, the one guys are trying not to get caught looking at, and the one other women stare at in bewilderment. She's sexy, but really?
5. The Politicians
This year it will be impossible for you to go to a Halloween party without seeing multiple people dressed as Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Every year, however, you'll see someone dressed up as the president or another politician that's in the news (probably for bad reasons). It's a strange but undeniable fact of Halloween party life.
4. The Walking Dead
It wouldn't be a Halloween party without zombies. Even before The Walking Dead was the most popular cable television show this was a fact, but now it's really the truth. This costume is so easy to pull off because all you need to be is dead, and you can die so many ways. You do have to be careful hugging these people, though, or you'll end up with fake blood and white paint all over your costume for the rest of the night.
3. The Crew
The Crew is a lot like the Duo, expect the Crew is an organized group of people that coordinated an awesome theme, and they completely make the party. These are the people you want to get some pictures with. If you're planning on being a member of the Crew, you have to pull your weight. It's like being on a team, only instead of being an athlete, you're dressing up in costume to entertain.
2. The Last-Second Invite
This person was totally not doing anything for Halloween up until two hours ago. It was only then that they got the invite and had to throw something together at the last second. They use normal makeup to paint their faces into a skeleton or a half-hearted attempt at a zombie. They stick out like a sore thumb, but nobody is ever going to walk up to them and say how terrible their efforts turned out.
1. The Gore Lovers
These are the people who seem to have some training in Hollywood makeup and special effects, and it's making us uncomfortable. They really do seem injured, and we're wondering if we should call someone for help. These costumes push the envelope so much that they're almost not fun anymore — as in, we're getting sick looking at the inside of your chest cavity over here. Please do less next time.
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.
Contact: Ryan Yousefi