Who are we kidding? You're not ready, and this is going to be bad. Why? Because you've met these people. Separately, they're fine, but putting them all together at the same dinner table brings out the crazy. Every family has an assortment of characters that gathers to demolish the turkey this time of year. Here are some of the ones you're most likely to encounter next week.
1. The Trump supporters
OK, let's just get this one out of the way. The Trump supporters in your family are coming in hot this Thanksgiving, and it's best if you just let them be. There is about a 0.000001 percent chance the President-Elect
2. The stepfather who tries too hard
This guy might not even be your stepfather, but he's
3. The grandparents fawning over babies
Look, a baby! LOOK AT IT! It's a baby! Did you see this baby? Old people love babies, but if they're around a baby on a holiday where holding privileges are up for grabs? Forget it. It's an all-out smooch fest. Overly-fawning grandparents are also liable to take tons of pictures, so model for the camera or avoid it as you see fit.
4. The older, more responsible, family-man brother
Your older brother who lives in New York with his perfect wife and perfect kids is coming down to South Florida to ask you what you're doing with your life. Mom and Dad wish you were more like him, and they hold out hope that one day you will get married and give them some damn grandkids already.
5. The over-it college student
Every holiday event has one or two college kids there on a break from school. These kids are pretty much just trying to get through the family function without revealing any dark hidden secrets, like the tongue ring he just got, the fact that she's dating a 34-year-old, or the bomb that he failed Algebra — again. Honestly, this whole evening is standing between college kids and another night of underage drinking and pot smoking, so if you could wrap this thing up as fast as possible, that would be great.