The Cadbury Bunny Ain’t Got Shit on Me

In the grand scheme of things, Easter is quite a bummer of a holiday. Even if you’re a really bad Christian, chances are your parents, girlfriend, or grandmother will guilt you into going to church today -- “at least once in your heathen life.” The promise of candy will probably not make up for the longwinded sermon you’ll sit through; it definitely won’t fix the humiliation of being gawked at by church ladies, who’ll say things like “he’s gotten so much bigger” and “so that’s what the godless look like.”

Your best bet is to avoid the scenario altogether, either by coming down with a deadly case of Xactlees disease -- or by getting in the first punch and dragging your parents, girlfriend, and grandmother (God bless her) to Splash Egg-Citement at Quiet Waters Park (401 S. Powerline Rd., Deerfield Beach). How does that work? Well, convince them that water games – including the totally rad Ski-Rixen – is a lot like baptism. Well, sort of. Yes, there will be stuff for kids, like a water egg hunt, bounce house, and face painting. But the Ski-Rixen is an Easter tradition (Jesus loves it) that all ages can enjoy. Picture wakeboarding, but instead of the boat you get tethered to a crane. You can jump ramps, make huge crests of water from your board, and can catch some serious air. Best of all, it’s cheap: $6 for the Egg-Citement activities, $18 per hour (it gets cheaper as you ride more) for the Rixen. Call 954-360-1315.
Sun., March 23, 2008

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John Linn