The Miami Heat were off to a fast start in Game 1 of the NBA Finals. From the tip-off, they controlled the tempo, played strong defense, and actually hit open J’s. And then the fourth quarter happened. And the Heat suddenly morphed into a bunch of assholes in sneakers. And…
Did you know that Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs kicks off tonight? True story! And while we’re all living in the midst of one the most dynamic, exciting basketball players in the history of the game with LeBron James, the…
Earlier this morning, forecasters issued a tornado watch for central Palm Beach County that as at first up to 9:00 a.m., then extended to 11 a.m. But now the National Weather Service is all meh screw it, let’s extended it even further — up to 10 p.m. The tornado watch…
Condo association presidents are fun people. They hate fun, won’t let your friends park in spots for more than an hour, won’t allow you to put up a Christmas wreath on the door, won’t allow you to get a pet, and won’t let you have a BBQ. Also, they gamble…
Tropical Storm Andrea is a big green blotch of wet awfulness, plodding its way towards the Big Bend on Florida’s west coast. The storm is already a big wet pain in the ass, with Tornado Warnings issued for northern Broward and south central Palm Beach County. A funnel cloud was…
The winner of the record $590.5 million Florida Powerball finally came forward Wednesday. And, of course, it’s an 84-year-old lady. Because, God hates us all. Gloria Mackenzie, of Zephyrhills, was officially announced as the winner of the second-biggest jackpot in the history of the lottery in the U.S. She has…
On Friday, we told you the heroes at the Florida Family Association — a group so worried about people going to Disney World on the same day that it holds its annual Gay Day and probably have gay people going around the park telling little kids how being gay is…
An Okaloosa County man decided to get completely wrecked on booze and then watch a documentary about Adolf Hitler. Because, Okaloosa County. However, the documentary got him so fired up, he decided to get his handgun and start shooting it randomly inside his apartment. He also pointed the gun at…
Sorry kids of undocumented immigraaants. You’re just gonna have to hitchhike to get to class on time. Thanks to Governatron Rick Scott, who vetoed the “Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals” bill, which would have allowed you to have a temporary Florida driver’s license. The measure would have given “approved application…
A second-grade substitute teacher at Pride Elementary School in Deltona was ordered to go home after a bizarre incident where she claimed to have heard voices outside her classroom, and rambled on about the CIA and FBI and wanting to call the president of the United States, Robin Forde, 51,…
The defense attorney for Kaitlyn Hunt, the 18-year-old high school student facing felony charges after she had a same-sex relationship with a younger student, is planning to ask a judge to limit the teen’s court appearances until jury selection. Earlier this month, Hunt was arrested on charges of “lewd and…
Yesterday, we told you about a llama that escaped from his Tallahassee pen, running amok, hopping fences, and giving the cops a good run until they tasered his llama ass and got him back into his fence. Now comes the news — albeit a lot sadder than yesterday’s news –…
Your Miami Heat is headed to its third-straight NBA Finals after vanquishing the Indiana Pacers in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, 99-76. While Indiana gave Miami all it could handle in this series, it was the Heat’s stifling defense coupled with the world-devouring awesomeness of LeBron James, with…
Bjarke Ingels, the Danish architect responsible for designing the controversial Marina Lofts development, is set to make a presentation at the Museum of Art in Fort Lauderdale Monday night. See also: – Water Taxi Employee Fired for Video Defending Rain Tree: “Tell Him to Stick It Up His Ass and…
Floyd Mayweather Jr. ain’t care. The boxer — who is known for laying down huge wagers on crazy shit — has reportedly plunked down $5.9 Million dollars on tonight’s Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals between the Miami Heat and Indiana Pacers. And you’re struggling to stay cool because…
George Zimmerman’s lawyers apologized on Sunday for having said that some video footage they found showed slain-teen Trayvon Martin beating up a homeless man. During a hearing on Tuesday of last week, attorney Mark O’Mara said that the defense had in their possession some footage of three fights, with one…
A Marion County man pulled a Kramer on a Bellview car dealership over the weekend when he took one of their vehicles for a test drive, and never came back. Lloyd Edward Kraft, 76, went into the Prestige Auto located on 6041 SE Abshier Blvd., and asked to test drive…
A llama was out on the loose and running amok through the streets of Tallahassee over the weekend, as llamas are wont to do when they bust of their pens. This particular llama, named Scooter, was quite the menace, outrunning cops and authorities, hopping over fences, and being quite the…
The Florida Family Association is so worried the gays will gay up Disney World during their annual Gay Day and, in turn, naturally, turn your kids gay and other straight park guest will start having gross gay sex right on the spot, that they went out and spent a crapload…
A man got into a lover’s quarrel with his pregnant wife and, as things tend to go when couples argue, things got heated and people’s feelings were hurt. And by “things got heated,” we mean he bit his wife’s ass. And by “people’s feelings were hurt,” we mean her ass…
Thanks to the magical wonders of the internet, and people trolling it all the live-long day, Coral Springs resident, 60-year old fitness buff Joanna Rohrback, is now an instant star thanks to her wacky exercise video, Prancercise: A Fitness Workout. Prancercising Rohrback invented in 1989 while on the Hollywood Broadwalk…
With the summer less than a month away, the Lake Okeechobee Resort and Marina will be host to a festival commemorating and celebrating the solstice. But Pahokee residents, church members and pastors are outraged and beside themselves with angry grrr man those people! feelings because how dare they!? The Lake…
