Joe Philbin Hates F-Bombs, Loves Seinfeld

HBO’s Hard Knocks featuring the Miami Dolphins debuted last night and filled us all with the inevitable feeling of false hope and overhyped enthusiasm for our shitty, shitty football team.But a reality show featuring the Fins is a nice change of pace from their old NORAD-like, supersecretive attitude from years…

Cuban Immigrants Land Ashore in a Boat Made With a Car Engine

Eighteen Cubans — 16 men and two women — arrived on the shores of Riviera Beach’s Singer Island around 1 a.m. today on an old 21-foot fishing vessel, according to Border Patrol.Police arrived on the scene around 2 a.m. The 18 individuals have been taken to a Riviera Beach immigration…

Dennis Rodman Has Written a Children’s Book

Former Chicago Bulls forward, local bar hopper, and occasional wedding-dress wearer Dennis Rodman has apparently written a children’s book. The NBA Hall of Famer has teamed up with screenwriter Dustin Warburton, who penned the cinematic masterpiece Spiders 3D to write Dennis the Wild Bull, slated to be released sometime in…

Dolphins Rookie Ryan Tannehill Still a No-Show at Camp

Your Miami Dolphins hit the practice field today for the opening of training camp for a whole new season of suck. Thus far, Matt Moore (aka THE PUPPET) has taken the first-team reps, while David Garrard is leading the second stringers.Conspicuously absent from the proceedings is first-round pick QB Ryan…

Miami Heat vs. Charlotte Bobcats

The Miami Heat needs a little motivation right now. They’ve been a giant pile of ass when they’ve played on the road lately. Their point guards have been abysmal, and the Big Three are getting no help from the bench. With only nine games to go before the playoffs kick…

Flying With Blue Eyes

Never got a chance to see Frank Sinatra perform live? Don’t fret! Because thanks to Come Fly Away, the Broadway musical hit from the mind of Tony Award winning choreographer Twlya Tharp, Sinatra’s music and voice are superbly brought to life with a live band, spectacle and dance. 15 of…

The King Takes on the Jester

No fan base holds a bigger grudge against the Miami Heat than the Cleveland Cavaliers, whom LeBron James famously snubbed two offseasons ago when he announced on national television that he was leaving them for the sunny beaches of Miami. No one took it harder than Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert,…

Zoned Out

The Miami Heat came roaring out of the gates this season, blowing out the defending-champion Mavericks in Dallas, dismantling the Celtics at home, and generally wreaking havoc on everyone in the league. LeBron, D-Wade, and Bosh look to be headed to a superb season, and, if that weren’t enough, rookie…

Tip of the Motherbleepin’ Hat

Jackie used to do and sell drugs but now is clean, working a legit job and looking to live the legit life. But his old lady Veronica is still a cokehead who may or may not be cheating on him. When he finds a hat in Veronica’s apartment that doesn’t…

Happy Pucking New Year

Our local pro hockey team has been quietly kicking some serious hockey ass this season. You probably haven’t heard, but the Florida Panthers are currently in first place in the Southeast Division and are off to one of the best starts in franchise history. They’ve been especially ass-kicky during face-offs,…

Back Where We Started

Ah, the new year — a time to make resolutions, get a fresh start, and forget about the mountain of tossed monkey poop that is the Miami Dolphins. And what better way to do that than watching the Miami Heat? We used to be a football town. But that’s all…

Out to Pasture on New Year’s Day

When we first saw that the hated New York Jets were the Miami Dolphins’ final regular-season opponent, we were hoping it would be an epic showdown to determine the winner of the AFC East or, at the very least, the final wildcard playoff spot. That is definitely not the case…

On Wings of Poop

When the NFL season began, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that the Philadelphia Eagles were going to come to town and slam the Miami Dolphins in the face with their juggernautness. But things haven’t quite turned out to be as awesome for the Eagles as originally thought. They…

Suck for Luck

With Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross’ continued misguided attempts to bring people to games by doing everything but putting a competitive team on the field comes his latest brain-busting idea. Because the Dolphins will host the Tim Tebow-led Denver Broncos this Sunday at Sun Life Stadium, why not have Gator…

Sibling Rivarly

From Cain and Abel to the dudes from Oasis, brothers have a long history of fighting and generally acting like pricks with each other. Sometimes it’s jealousy. Other times it’s because they simply have nothing in common. In the play The Brothers Size, two brothers living in the Louisiana bayou…