Show Us Some Green

You might not know it from watching TV or listening to the radio, but a local landowner recently bulldozed a community garden, a power plant is set to be constructed between two wildlife refuges in the Everglades, and there are still four candidates from the Green Party running for president…

Mi Casa Is Not Tu Casa

Let’s get one thing straight: The protesters who gather outside the El Sol Day Labor Center in Jupiter every Saturday morning don’t hate immigrants. They hate illegal immigration. “America was built by immigrants,” concedes a man who gives his name only as Bob. He is a former Marine, a self-described…

Cookie Monsters

Fat people are nothing new. When Dr. Sanford Siegal began practicing medicine in 1957, he had so many overweight patients that he started treating for obesity exclusively. Exercise is all well and good, but the most effective weapon in the battle against the bulge, Siegal found, was a punishingly low-calorie…

Bust Me if You Can

Besides his stellar career as South Florida’s premier cardiologist, Dr. Zachariah P. Zachariah moonlights as a bigtime Republican fundraiser. He sits on a slew of corporate and government boards. He has campaigned for three different Bushes. He has eaten dinner at the White House and loaned his private jet to…

Are We There Yet?

The Countyline Dragway sits on the western edge of civilization, on US 27, just south of the Broward/Miami-Dade line. The sky looks like it came from a Tim Burton movie: all black, no streetlights, an orange moon illuminating a sheet of fog. It’s midnight — drag racing time. This night…

Simmer Down, Kids!

Public Enemy Number One tiptoes up to the hot tub. She reaches behind her neck to untie her halter. Her dress drops to the ground. Her name: Tila Tequila. Her claim to fame: being America’s most famous bisexual. In her TV show, A Shot at Love, she is courted by…

A Dose of Feelgood

You knew these words were coming. “West Palm Beach, are you ready to roooooock?” How else would the warm-up band kick off the opening-night party for a bar owned by Vince Neil? Inside the brand-new Clematis Street club Dr. Feelgood’s last Tuesday, it was as though the city were blessed…

Duck, Duck, Shoot

“Does the thought of seeing a dead duck make you queasy?” Lindsay Bruening asks. It’s not an academic question. Bruening, a 25-year-old law enforcement officer with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, encounters plenty of defunct waterfowl. It’s fair to assume she doesn’t get queasy: Ducks are beautiful when…

High School Sexical

Students in the drama program at Santaluces High School wanted attention — just not this kind. On his MySpace page, a current student wrote, “I have come to a realization. When you are standing in a place you love, and… to the right is a newspaper stand on the outside…

Burned at Both Ends

Detectives squinted at the abandoned station wagon they found in a remote patch of the Everglades. It had been shot up from both inside and out. Blood was splattered all over the doors. But there was no body as evidence — not so much as a bone or a dismembered…

The Odd Couple

Stranger couples have formed musical partnerships in the past. Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson… Sting and that Moroccan guy; hell, nobody saw Gnarls Barkley coming, and they took the world by storm and won two Grammy awards. So maybe folks shouldn’t be surprised that Tommy Lee, former Mötley Crüe drummer,…

Rx for Plunder

On a crisp February morning in 2003, Dr. Evan Zimmer, dressed in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt, rolled up to work at the Oakland Community Health Center in Fort Lauderdale. “I see this guy in Dockers hanging around the back door,” Zimmer recalls. The man seemed to be guarding the…

C’mon, Get Happy

Long after Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle made the comments that ignited the latest and strongest backlash against his mayoralty and long after he’d had time to reconsider, apologize, or just soften the remarks, Naugle, speaking to New Times last week, would have none of it. Or rather, he seemed…

Doctor G-Spot

¨Call Doctor G-Spot!¨ the announcer cries out on radio station Y-100, in an ad sandwiched between uptempo songs extolling the various virtues of bumping, winding, and grinding. Doctor G-Spot, otherwise known as Tamarac gynecologist Dr. Michael Benjamin, says he can add immeasurably to the bumps and grinds in your bedroom…

Kill My Wife. Please!

It was such an innocent statement, with such a sinister meaning. “The weather’s good here,” Fred said. “I’m telling you, the weather’s very good here.” In the parlance of two men brought together by murder for hire, the phrase was a prearranged code, the signal that Fred had finally killed…

Gambino Genes

Christopher J. Gambino may not be a Mafioso, but he certainly looks the part: six-foot-one, with black hair graying at the temples and a gold chain dangling around his neck. He also has the requisite qualifications: the team of bodyguards, the background in trash collection, the criminal history, the mysterious…

Art Therapy

Do you ever feel that life has just gone downhill since kindergarten? Afternoon naps, recess, snack time… they’ve all been snatched away by the wicked clutches of the so-called “real world.” But now you can reacquaint yourself with your old friend Elmer during weekly arts & crafts sessions, a.k.a. the…

Hit Me With Your Breast Shot

Ladies, prepare to go to the mat. Dan Aber pauses his video camera and leads two women wearing only baseball hats and G-strings into what passes for his gym: a large private room above a bowling alley, empty save for a 12-inch-thick wrestling mat on the floor. Veteran wrestler “Coni,”…

In the Saddle

By the time you graduate from college, you should know how to do a few important things… like sing your university’s fight song, do your own laundry, and ride a mechanical bull. In this last endeavor, Tequila Ranch (at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, One Seminole Way, Hollywood)…

Two Great Feelings that Feel Good Together

What’s better – getting buzzed or getting massaged? Do both during “Wine & Recline” nights, a brilliant collaboration between the geniuses of Planet Massage and the really smart people at The Grape. With them, you can skip the preliminaries and get straight down to business. Instead of drinking until you…

No Crybabies Allowed

As you might expect, the man named The Health Colonel knows a thing or two about fitness. “The real issue,” he says, “has nothing to do with food — or exercise for that matter. It has everything to do with how you think.” When we asked the Colonel – whose…

Do Something Fishy

First, the bad news: 18 losses. Now, the good: seven wins. That’s the Florida Marlins’ record at press time. But there are other good things to talk about. Namely, that Jeremy Hermida should be back in action after rehabbing a strained hip. Josh Willingham is batting so well that manager…