Robber Who Got $4 million in Jewelry Probably Got Ripped Off TooThe robber who knocked over a Palm Beach jewelry store on Sunday made off with a cool $4 million in goods. Police released a sketch of the robber, at right, and it turns out he LOOKS LIKE EVERY WHITE…
Divorcing Couples Forced to Live Together, Apparently Have No ‘Buddies’The economy is so bad that couples going through divorces are forced to live with each other because they can’t sell their houses. Here’s an excerpt from the Associated Press story that explains the problem and includes a couple from Boca,…
An excited fan of the Fort Lauderdale Ninja Thieves!Orioles May Leave, Opening Door for Thieves Team officials for the Orioles snuck out of Broward County yesterday for a secretive meeting with Lee County leaders. Over lunch at a Perkins, they discussed the possibility of the Orioles moving to Fort Myers…
Wake up, kids, you got a C!Florida Schools Just Good Enough to Advance to Next GradeFlorida has the tenth-best schools in the country, according to this study by Education Week. Now I’m no expert in cross-state rivalries, but I’d guess this might be the first time Florida has fallen behind…
He loves only one man.Jeb Rebukes Our Advances Again, Makes Us Want Him MoreJeb Bush says he won’t run for the Senate, once again reinforcing the state’s one-way love affair with W.’s little brother. And doesn’t it just make you want him more?Yes, Jeb has always played hard to get…
Dan, we’re guessing, drank the bottled stuff.It was somewhere before the waiter brought out what might be the world’s best grilled octopus that he broke the news. “If you want to drink water, we only serve bottled water,” he said. And I had no doubt there would be no exceptions…
GOP Cuts Everything, Saves Sweet, Sweet TobaccoAs I sit here puffing on my Camel Wide with the filter broken off, my lungs blackening like beach tar, I’m thanking the state’s Republicans. Because it is the GOP lawmakers who fought off attempts in Tallahassee to increase cigarette taxes in order to…
South Florida Protest of Mideast Violence Punctuated by ‘Lame’ InsultsSupporters of Palestine and Israel spent the day yesterday hurling “half-assed” insults at each other at Bayfront Park during a really “lame-o” protest of the recent Mideast violence. These poorly prepared cracks included “Go back to Israel so we can shoot…
With news like this, we need Horatio.Shoes, Statue Pranks Work of Criminal Mastermind? Yeah!An investigation is underway to find out who dumped thousands of shoes all over the Palmetto Expressway this morning. But with only a CSI Miami-style unproven hunch, I’m willing to say that it’s the pranksters who stole…
Pro Bowl Comes to South Florida, Possibly Kindling Gay AffairSouth Florida will host the NFL’s Pro Bowl in 2010 and may also become home of the Gay Games. Somehow, inexplicably, these two stories haven’t been linked by other media outlets. But it’s clear to see that the Pro Bowl could…
Play the lottery, and you too could be a dickwad. What the Florida Lottery Needs: Tougher OddsOfficials with the Florida Lottery are on a statewide tour to promote the fact that Florida is joining the multistate Powerball game. In fact, the folks who bring you your favorite scratch-off tickets will…
Channel 10 Solves Problem of Pesky Porn Bus Handing Out CashChannel 10 has this whole team of reporters who do nothing but go around and solve people’s problems. And recently, Local 10 Problem Solvers tackled this burning question: Who’s behind that van of dudes who go around and pay women…
Harold Cohen handled his share of buns during his 20-plus years as a reconstructive surgeon in Hollywood. But the ones he heated for judges while taping a segment of the Food Network’s Ultimate Recipe Showdown 2 will be forever seared in his memory. “They burned to a crisp in about 10 seconds,” says Cohen,…
Take a Break This Holiday Season From Being a DoucheThe Florida Highway Patrol began a crackdown on aggressive drivers today at 12:01 a.m., meaning we’ve all go to take a break from driving like a douche nozzle. FHP Colonel John Czernis explained the operation in this press release. Here’s an…
Psychic on the Lam Totally Called ItThe Broward Sheriff’s Office is on the hunt for Gina Marie Marks, a psychic who they say ripped off her clients by promising to cleanse their souls. First off, the last time I went to Gina Marie Marks for a soul cleansing, she totally…
The children of DCF.DCF Managers Use Racial Slurs That You’ll Need to Look UpEmployees at the Department of Children and Families office in Tallahassee apparently like to throw around racial insults. An internal DCF audit found that six employees, even supervisors, were throwing around words, like “the word ‘N -…
Hanukkah Tastes Better on Rye Shalom, and welcome to the first Hanukkah-themed edition of the Morning Juice. If you’re Jewish like me, then you know that you celebrate Hanukkah only because of its proximity to Christmas and you’d feel like you had no reason at all to take next Thursday…
An acceptable way to end a car chase. Hearse Joyride Has Lame, No-Jump Ending Johnny Silfrain just doesn’t know how to end a joy ride. Cops say Johnny stole a hearse from outside a funeral yesterday in West Park, took the thing on a joyride, and then drove right back…
Banned from Clubs, Kids Buy Beer Again in front of HessPalm Beach County has made it illegal for anybody under 21 to get into alcohol-serving night clubs. Now I know what you’re probably saying, “Get your hands off my Bud Lite Lime, old man.” But this new ordinance passed yesterday…
Broker Accused of Stealing, Finding True Meaning of ChristmasToday’s news is being brought to you by my coworker Stacy, the head of the accounting department and the proud owner of this super scary Grinch costume. Stacy decided to wear this costume today, which is also reserved for The Juice’s “Bring…
Take a look at the photo of this hideous puppy above, and it’s easy to see why Joe Biden went to a dog breeder to get his new puppy. Is this the best you’ve got, German shepherd rescue groups? Pictured is Caribou, a German shepherd puppy available right now from…
New Times Has Cubicle Ready for Shoe ThrowerThis morning, Muntader al-Zaidi, the journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush yesterday, has probably found himself without a job. So that’s why my employer, New Times Broward-Palm Beach, would like to offer al-Zaidi a job. That’s right, al-Zaidi, you can start…
