Abbott and Costello News Summary of Palm Beach Republican Snafus

Sid Dinerstein (pictured right), is the head man for the Palm Beach County Republican Party. The party has a history here in the South of disenfranchising blacks. Now one Black is accusing Dinerstein of doing exactly that, after this Black won election to the county’s Republican executive committee. The twist…

Delray’s State Senator Will Bring Iran to Its Knees

Mahmad Ahmadinejad had a plan for world domination — and he woulda got away with it, too, if it weren’t that meddling state senator from Delray Beach, Ted Deutch.You see, while reading the Wall Street Journal, Deutch learned of efforts by a Swiss oil company, Vitol, to build a $125…

Touchdown Jesus Fishes for Snapper in Fort Lauderdale

It’s no shocker that a St. Thomas Aquinas High School senior has accepted a scholarship to play at the University of Notre Dame. The Fort Lauderdale football powerhouse has two players in gold helmets already — offensive linemen Sam Young and Dan Wenger. Another, senior punter Ben Turk will be…

For You Al Lamberti Quote Collectors

Speaking about the ill-fated efforts of the Dunkin’ Donuts suspects to board a ship bound for Bermuda, a trip for which they would have needed passports they didn’t have and which was a stupid choice anyway because the Bahamas would have arrested and extradited them. Nudge. That’s your cue, Al.”They…

Dunkin’ Donuts: DMX Did It

James Herard. You’ve just been charged with shooting up Dunkin’ Donutses with your buddies and you’re facing life in prison. What do you have to say for yourself?Video here. Listen closely, and you’ll hear Herard barking, DMX style, at Judge John Hurley. The best part is toward the end, when…

Sean Avery for NHL Commissioner

In the first minute of the video below, the remarks by Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery that have earned him a six-game suspension by the National Hockey League:Hockey’s a sport that needs to generate fan interest in the worst way, a truth that’s even more apparent here in South Florida,…

Dark Horse Dem Emerges in Race for Martinez Seat

On the Democrat side of the Florida’s 2010 U.S. Senate race, the field keeps getting larger, with Congressman Allen Boyd, of Monticello, looking like a contender. Boyd (right) runs with the congressional Blue Dogs — socially conservative Democrats who walk and talk so much like Republicans, it can be hard…

Everybody’s Kung Food Fighting

We used to joke about serving a “knuckle sandwich” and washing it down with a cool “can of whoop-ass” (pictured above). But no more. Not since this rash of cuisine-related crime struck Florida. This past week, we’ve been too scared to enter a Dunkin’ Donuts, and only now that our…

Toni Morrison doppelganger nabbed

One of the ladies above is a Nobel Prize-winning novelist. The other was recently arrested in Broward County for contempt of court. Adding to the weirdness, the Browardian is named Zulma Coris, which sounds a bit like a character in a Morrison novel.– Thomas Francis…

Is Republican Cannibalism Afoot in Florida?

Being a trafficker in rank speculation and flimsy rumors, I can’t help but admire the science-based speculation and rumor creation available on FiveThirtyEight.com, which I checked approximately 642 times daily in October. The captain of this vessel is Nate Silver, who crunches poll numbers in a way that unlocks the…

We Got the Donut Bandits!!

No, not him. These guys. Sheriff Al, give us our money quote!”These guys weren’t upset because they couldn’t pay their rent or their 401K tanked,” Lamberti said. “These are just cold-blooded thugs. One suspect said he just wanted to ‘up’ his body count.”Sorry, but boy scouts who want their “cold-blooded…

Well, Someone Has To Be the Junior Senator from Florida

Senator Mel Martinez is sick of his job and he’s not hanging around after 2010. So what Republican will run in his place?Outgoing Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle doesn’t want the job. Someone must stay in Fort Lauderdale to keep a wary eye on South Florida gays. Jeb Bush is…

‘Tis the Season for A Mara-cle!

During her 20-year reign as the grande dame of Hollywood, Mara Guilianti had many pet projects, but perhaps none that she adored more than the Holocaust Documentation and Education Center, a museum that moved from North Miami to downtown Hollywood last year, thanks in large part to Giulianti’s hustle.But mostly…

Wedding Crashers II: When Gays Attack

For all this talk of who’s invited to Gov. Charlie Crist’s wedding, has anyone remembered the fire hoses and German shepherds? They tend to occupy the front lines of Republican efforts to quash civil rights, and perhaps they’ll make the guest list now that regional gays have announced they’re crashing…

Render Unto Deutsch the Things Which Are Ceasar’s

“As a child I wanted to be Superman,” wrote Mitch Ceasar, in a column for the Huffington Post website last February. “But without a cape and alas special powers,” he admits he settled for Broward County Democratic Chair.Ceasar also wanted to be a comedian, as he told NBC 6’s morning…

What the World Needs Now Is Another Blog

This blog is not a remedy for the financial crisis. It will not defeat anti-American forces in Iraq. It will not slay any Somali pirates.Rather, it will give a loving squeeze to South Florida, extracting its most delicious, satisfying news-trients. The Juice is an ambrosia that, we hope, can provide…

A Sandwich Makes The Perfect Murder Weapon

Ever since news broke that a Port St. Lucie man beat his girlfriend with a sandwich, we’ve been waiting…waiting…to learn exactly what was his weapon of choice. The Port St. Lucie Police Department is not about to give such clues away. But whatever the sandwich in question was, it failed…

A Not-So Perfect Storm

The last time you saw Kevin Kearney, he was on Fort Lauderdale Beach. A split second later he was flying – across A1A before colliding with the side of a condo tower. Yep, he’s that kiteboarder. At 9 p.m. tonight the Fort Lauderdale man appears on the cable television network…

The Florida Panthers and star Jay Bouwmeester toil in obscurity

It’s halfway through the first period of the Florida Panthers’ game against the Minnesota Wild. Panthers goaltender Tomas Vokoun skates behind the goal to retrieve a puck. He whacks at it, trying to send it around the boards. But his fat goaltender’s stick misses the puck. No time to swing…

Legendary Heist

When a heart attack strikes the most hateful, money-hoarding harpie in a Brooklyn neighborhood, three rival street gangs hatch a plan to crack her legendary safe. Too bad all three schedule their heist for the same night. Caper makes its world debut tonight at 6 p.m, at Cinema Paradiso for…

Cash for Trash

The view from the top stinks. That sweet, sulphuric stench that can come only from a 225-foot-high, mile-wide mound of garbage. At Sample and Powerline roads in Pompano Beach, this is Mount Trashmore, the tallest landform in South Florida, a monolothic monument to the region’s waste, which has been fermenting…

The Mommy Monologue

In his taupe suit jacket, lavender shirt, and purple tie, Eric Haynes looks more GQ executive than Lauderdale Lakes commissioner. But in a city where minorities form the majority and where octogenarian Samuel Brown is mayor, a young vice mayor looks a lot like the heir to the city’s future…