Despite what the mainstream press says, there are no winners on American Idol. The contestants, judges, and producers on the dumbest game show in the history of American television are all losers. Sure, in both previous years of the contest, the two finalists have gained celebrity. But American Idol fame…

In 1986, Frank Zappa released Does Humor Belong in Music? — a smarmy, unfunny collection of borscht belt comedy and “Look, Ma — I can play!” chops that answered his postulation with a resounding no. Fortunately, James Dewees, the hyperactive and wonderfully deranged mastermind behind Reggie and the Full Effect,…

Rancid’s entire history has been based on the “Corporate Rock Still Sucks” premise. The group landed on MTV and made gold records without having to suck on the corporate pole. It jump-started the careers of the now-legendary Distillers and the Dropkick Murphys. But times have changed: Rancid signed with Warner…

Anti-comic genius Neil Hamburger is traveling from Detroit to Pittsburgh, and his cell phone service is failing miserably. After the third disconnection, he issues this apology: “We passed some skunks back there. The smell was too strong for the satellite. I stuck some Ding-Dong wrappers on the antennae. I hope…

The 40 Watt Club in Athens, Georgia, is a hallowed place in indie-rock lore. More than 20 years ago, R.E.M., Pylon, and the B-52’s got their start at the self- described “premiere music club in the Southeast,” helping to create the notion that American regional music scenes had indigenous sounds…

Sometimes hype is a good thing. Sure, you get stray Vines. Or you may get stuck with one-trick Strokes. But the retro “Return to Rock” frenzy of 2002 brought the White Stripes to the forefront of pop culture, and for that, we should be forever grateful. In every record store…

For the unsuspecting yuppies who regularly overrun downtown Fort Lauderdale, a Sunday-night trip to Tavern 213 can be a scary proposition. For starters, patrons must battle for a place at the bar with the legion of drunken punks who make a habit of 213’s free shows. Then they need to…

Not even Michael Caine walks both sides of the credibility fence like punk icon Henry Rollins. On one hand, his 2.13.61 publishing house has reintroduced pulp-fiction masters like Hubert Selby Jr. On the other, he’s appeared in GAP ads. Last year came the ultimate Rollins dichotomy: Just when it seemed…

When all your artists are dying off, what’s a hip Delta blues label to do? If you’re mid-Mississippi indie Fat Possum, the answer is: diversify. Although the Black Keys are two white kids from Akron, Ohio, their rot-gut rhythm an’ blues is good enough to render any musical judge colorblind…

It’s Trapped by Mormons’ CD-release party at Churchill’s Hideaway, and as usual, trouble has found them. Right before TBM’s midnight slot, Orlando punk ruffians the Stud Dogs bum-rush the stage and start setting up. Harsh words are exchanged. TBM bassist Mark O’Toole grabs one of the Stud Dogs for a…

The Old Gray Al, he ain’t what he used to be. While many a desperate rock critic has declared Ministry’s 2003 release Animiositisomnia as a return to form for industrial mavens Al Jourgensen and Paul Barker, one listen reveals the opposite is true. Instead of the chemical-inspired madness found on…

No one understands the concept of a meaner, leaner workforce better than Chet “The Cheetah” Weiss. Caught between a rock (his seminal, yet dysfunctional, garage-rock combo The Quadrajets) and a hard place (his doctoral work in economics at Auburn University), Weiss took both jobs and shoved ’em. He then formed…

Armed with his slide guitar, trademark microphone/motorcycle helmet, and a kick drum, Tucson’s one-man-band Bob Log III walks the Earth promoting “Boob Scotch” — his gift to the barroom arts. “When you’re having fun, you clap your hands,” Log theorizes. “When you’re having a lot of fun, you clap your…

If anyone can come up with a name…,” struggles Turbonegro bassist/mastermind Happy Tom, attempting — via cell phone from an Oslo taxicab, no less — to hang a handle on the Norwegian death-punk band’s upcoming excursion to the U.S. Bible belt. Perhaps he’s trying to top last summer’s “Res-Erection” festival…

“I’m just a soul whose intentions are good/ Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.” Ol’ Eric Burdon ran through my mind when I got an angry e-mail from Jeff “Monoman” Connolly. I had asked for a high-resolution photo of his band Lyres that would be suitable for print…

Are you ready to get liberated? Have you accepted Rock ‘n’ Roll as your personal savior? Has sweater season got you itchin’ to see some skin? Go on and head down to Churchill’s for humpday and catch the Demolition Doll Rods, the greatest go-go/rock outfit going. Known as much for…

With a setting Sun, a dead King, a reformed Killer, and empty Stax, Memphis has spent the past few decades coasting on the fumes of its musical reputation. After making the world suffer through countless garage bands rehashing the same old, same old, Memphis has come up with Lost Sounds:…

The last half of 2000 was a bittersweet purgatory for “Big” Chad Neptune. The year-in-the-making full-length debut, The Moon Is Down, of his band, Further Seems Forever, was finally completed. To celebrate, the Pompano Beach outfit took a month-long jaunt through the Midwest and Southeast to preview the material. But…

Boca Raton, are you ready to get your wig on? It’s time to party like it’s 1980 with the only celebrated Athens, Georgia, band that’s not a pathetic self-parody yet. While R.E.M. produces art movies and plays faux farmer, the B-52’s continue to hit the road to the delight of…

Some good records came out last year, nationally and regionally, by gum. They sure did. So we polled a bunch of local music lovers and compiled lists of their favorites. Some said they didn’t listen to much new music; others said they didn’t buy in albums in 2002, and some…