Best Of South Florida® 2004 Winners
Shopping & Services
Best Place for a Test Drive
Ragtops Museum and Special Events
Ragtops has come a long way from its early days, when it began in 1980 as three classic cars for sale outside a West Palm Beach gas station. Now the two-block-long business in West Palm Beach is packed with antique autos as part of its permanent museum collection or waiting for a good home. Ragtops sells about a dozen cars a month to collectors, who pay anywhere from a few thousand for an old MGB to six figures for rare finds. Ragtops salesmen don't give test drives of the precious rides easily, but the informed consumer can find a way behind the wheel. It might help to know the difference between a carburetor and a fuel injector, wear something from dad's closet, and mention that home in the Hamptons you've been meaning to buy. Ragtops allows cars to be cruised through the neighborhoods nearby, requiring a leisurely pace, but it'll still get your blood flowing to throw the shifter on one of these beauties. Take, for instance, the 1950 Austin A-90 Atlantic convertible, a tiny, cherry-red drop-top with a swooping back end and tan interior -- and a $38,900 price tag. Ragtops also stocks modern classics like the $89,500 Lamborghini Countach, a 1989 model that'll cause its driver to dress Miami Vice-style. Sure, it's nerve-wracking to test-drive a car that costs as much as a condo, but there are few better places to be on a fine Florida day than behind the wheel of a Marlboro-red '65 Stingray. The classic 'Vette might cost $46,500, but the test drive is free.
Best Barber in Broward
Fresh at Florida Master Barber
No roody poo yakkety-yak at Florida Master Barber, where Fresh (Mark Bierre) wields his blades. Sit down. How do you want it? Short. Fade? Yeah, a little fade. Out come the black smock and the Father O'Brien white paper strip around the throat. Then the master does his thing. One length of clippers for the back of the head. Then another to mow that pesky neck hair out back. Here come the scissors for the crown. Then more clippers over the top, back around the sides. The big, fluffy brush sweeps the shoulders. Then the sideburns get mowed to match that fly fade. Those stray eyebrow hairs wandering toward the temples finally get their comeuppance. The two-day stubble is buzzed away to a nice, kiss-me-wherever-you-want smoothness. More clippers, sharpening the edges around the forehead. Then a dollop of hair gel and an aerosol coating of olive oil, for that magical Friday-night sheen. Now who's lookin' good? You are, you sharp son of a bitch. You're un-frickin'-stoppable. And you're out only $10, not counting what ought to be a fat-ass tip for the man with the mirror.
Though it may seem mostly a matter of semantics, there is a significant difference between a hairstylist and a barber. You go to a hairstylist to have your hair cut and styled in a particular fashion. But if you don't know what you're doing, that style gets lost as soon as you take a shower. With a barber, what you see is what you get. Just decide where the part goes and you're all set. But even among barber shops, there is yet another divide: chain stores or family-owned. When you go to a chain shop, chances are the person cutting your hair has been there for only a month or two. At the Florida Barber Shop, however, there are only two people, owner Jim Fitzpatrick and his daughter, manager Bonnie Rock. The shop has been in operation for the past 18 years, so you know you're in experienced hands. A regular haircut costs $11, but if you show up once a month, the cost is only $8. (Seniors pay $8 regardless.). Oh, and you can have your hair styled, if you so choose. Just call Bonnie to make an appointment. The Florida Barber Shop is open Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., Wednesday and Saturday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
Best Florist
Hearts and Flowers Florist and Party Designs
Some of the so-called florists you can call when you need a bouquet delivered to that special someone are nothing more than a bank of phones, a middleman sending orders out to others. Not so with Coral Springs' Hearts and Flowers Florist and Party Designs. Since the store opened 11 years ago, it has distinguished itself as the place to go for excellence in floral work and party decoration. Owner/designer Cheryl Sims is a trained visual artist who stumbled into a floral-design class and found her true talent (realizing at the same time that she could make a little money using high-quality flowers to create floral art for discriminating customers). The first recipients loved their orders, and word of mouth has kept the store busy. Sims and her staff use a rotating stock of flowers from around the world -- South American roses, Hawaiian tropicals, Dutch tulips, Thai orchids, and even Casablanca lilies -- to create tasteful arrangements, which are symmetrical and natural, proportional and fragrant, every piece complementing the others. The store can also arrange delivery of flowers and gift or gourmet baskets anywhere in the country and will deal only with other reputable florists, ensuring that quality will be a top priority.
The mall served you well in high school, and Target definitely has its place. But you're a big girl now, and you deserve some grown-up clothes. At Lauderdale Lifestyle Too, the racks are jammed with upscale designer labels, independent brands, and one-of-a-kind handmade threads. Here you will find clothes that work for the boardroom, the bistros, and the beach -- such as BCBG seersucker suits, the hard-to-find Chickabiddy line of sportswear, and dresses for day and night. The shelves and walls are stacked with unique purses, belts, and perfumes, and the friendly clerks have totally got you covered. Sure, it will cost ya ($70 for an Lacoste polo shirt), but shopping at LL2 is like raiding your exquisitely tasteful, mildly rich, and superfun best friend's closet -- with a bonus: You never have to give anything back.
Best Vintage Clothing Store in Broward
Community Thrift Store
Open even on Sundays (noon to 5 p.m.) and with lots of Discount Days and 50 percent-off sales, the two huge rooms of this place in the Riverland Shopping Center will thrill the most frugal of thrifters. CTS' rack-after-rack variety of items can at first seem daunting (e.g., 40 feet of hanging blue jeans), but after you roll up those sleeves and start digging, you're bound to strike garment gold -- from J. Press tuxedo shirts to cowboy hats to that pair of khaki shorts for the summer you've been needing but didn't want to spend $25 for. The clientele varies from slumming Las Olas Isles matrons to those more obviously less fortunate, and for good reason: There's always fresh meat to dig through -- the store puts out more than 3,000 new items daily. Sometimes less-than-organized (why are those two old saws hanging over the purse rack?) and a little skimpy on the books and kitchen goods, but what's to complain about when you're walking out the door with a $2 Sulka tie? Open 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Saturday.
Best Vintage Clothing Store in Palm Beach
The Vintage Shoppe
Looking for a little extra attention around town? Here's a small secret: the Vintage Shoppe. Although it's run by Gulfstream Goodwill Industries, the shop offers fashions not seen in years -- and nothing you'll find in overpriced and aesthetically bland mall chain stores. For women, there's a sharp selection of dresses, blouses, coats, hats, and shoes in a variety of retro styles. And unlike a lot of vintage clothing stores, the Vintage Shoppe accommodates men as well, with a variety of spiffy shirts, suits, and blazers for all you dapper dandies. Also, in addition to clothing, there's a ton of other unique antique items, from furniture to artwork to luggage and even early Polaroid cameras and old typewriters (remember those?). Heck, this is the type of store where a lot of those eBay hacks get their clothing before doubling the cost. With shirts ranging from $6 to $14, why pay extra to some shady cyber-middleman? Update your wardrobe and furnish your living room by taking them back in time with a little vintage vigor. Vintage Shoppe is open every day from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.
Give it up already. Martha Stewart might be goin' to the pokey, but you're not the new her. Despite the big bucks you've spent at the craft store and the hours you've logged at the Home Depot, you're not gonna become a master of faux finishes, and you'll never get around to reupholstering the couch. Especially when it's so much easier to hit Jane Loves Cheap Furniture. The slogan -- "Because life's too short for boring stuff" -- is painted on the floor of this pleasantly cluttered shop. Surprises linger in every corner and cranny. Antique tables have been handpainted with pictures of palm trees. An old, wooden storm shutter has been whitewashed and fashioned into a room divider. Knickknacks like a $10 buddha statue and nautical notions lurk on shelves and mantles. Tell 'em we sent ya, and say hi to the goldfish in the coffee jar.
Best Toy Store
The Explore Store Museum of Discovery and Science
This joint ain't large. But it's cheap, convenient, and fun, and the twerps might actually learn something while they spend your hard-earned cash. Opened in 1992, the Explore Store sells rubber sea turtles ($2.50), snakes ($3.50), frogs (75 cents), and iguanas ($2.25, and they squeak). A real hand-painted iguana to scare your sister goes for $27. Plastic whales, octopuses, sharks, dolphins, and lobsters go for $1.25 each. Die-cast metal space shuttles on a stand with astronauts cost $22. Then there are wood kits to build everything from sea life to dinosaurs priced from $5 to $50. Or get a build-your-own-robot kit for $16.95. Hell, even if you don't buy anything, the store is next to the coolest gravity clock on planet Earth, the IMAX theater (DVDs of IMAX shows go for $30), and the Discovery Museum, where your kids can be distracted for hours while you sneak off to the Himmarshee pubs for a toot. Hours are 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Thursday, 10:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. Friday, and noon to 7 p.m. Sunday.
Best Place to Get a Contact Lens in a Pinch
Optical at the Swap Shop
Lo, it may befall you, as it has many decent folk, that the morning after a champagne-fueled backyard midnight coed skinny-dipping session, you awake to find only one working eye in your head. Who to contact for a lens? If the morning in question happens to be New Year's Day and all acquaintance be sleeping off hangovers, you'll be resorting to an eyepatch, unless you drop by the Swap Shop's specs shack. Not only is it open but the good folks there have been known to donate an emergency contact for nothing more than a wink.
"We built this city! We built this city on rock 'n' roll!"
OK, not only does that song totally suck but it's dead wrong as well. Anyone in South Florida knows damn well how our cities are built: one collection of shops at a time. Look at any Broward/Palm Beach burg from Margate to Wellington back to Pembroke Pines: It's just one giant interconnected mall! To calculate such a place's cultural worth, subtract 20 points for every chain store. Add 20 points for every unique nook and cranny. That's why Riverland reigns supreme: The closest thing to a chain is the Supersaver Grocery, which could have been teleported straight from Calle Ocho. (The tiny branch of the Broward Public Library doesn't count.) For your shopping pleasure, explore Scot Drugs and Riverland Hardware, two fading showcases that Wal-Mart has all but eradicated. Sissi Fashions offers tight, flattering outfits for the hottie on your list, while clean, white T-shirts at the Community Thrift Store are under a dollar. Yarly's Bakery yummily supplies your bizcocho needs. The Rainbow Restaurant doesn't accept plastic but is one of the most authentic Greek diners in town -- truck drivers like to park their big rigs outside and grab a real meal. Tucked away in a blind alley, Sassano's Pizzeria makes a mean pie. Grab one, pick up some plastic cups at the 99 Cent Store, and some Argentinean merlot at Super Saver and you're good to go. C'mon, throw off those chains. Until Riverland's inevitable date with the wrecking ball, this self-contained universe is unsullied by the corporate-conquest machine. These locally owned businesses used to be the source of strength in every small community, keeping cash close to where it was generated. Riverland is firmly rooted in its community with small, long-term tenants who are anything but fair-weather friends. Unlike Blockbuster or Starbucks, these hardy holdouts are part of our town. Readers' Choice: The Galleria
Malls bring out the must-have-everything attitude latent in all Americans. Yet indoor shopping centers just don't have everything. If commercialism's claws are deep into your wallet, get thee to Mizner Park, which has all the standard fare and then some. There's stuff for your home (electronics from Bang & Olufsen, utensils from Mamma Ro), stuff for your body (clothes from Tommy Bahama, shoes from Mephisto), and stuff to stuff yourself (kosher food from Levy's in the Park, cocktails from Max's Grille). Sharing the grounds of this intensely pastel, immaculately clean shopping center are an eight-screen luxury movie theater, a 5,000-seat amphitheater, a state-of-the-art concert hall, and the Boca Raton Museum of Art. It's all so perfectly planned and so mind-numbingly pretty that even the world's most vehement anarchist could be lulled into becoming an American Express-wielding, polo shirt-wearing consumer. If you go, ready yourself for a long walk off the short plank of restraint. You'll fall directly into the wide-open jaws of the circling marketing geniuses who designed this shoppers' wet dream. Readers' Choice: Town Center Mall
Best Boobs
Cinderella Wig and Breast Prosthetic Salon
Janet Jackson has nothing on this place. The airy shop -- located not in the bowels of some stuffy medical complex but in a sassy, celebratory location on Lake Worth's main shopping drag -- is a virtual wonderland of prosthetic breasts, special swimsuits, and wigs. It used to be that breast cancer survivors would have to look for prosthetics in shops that sell durable medical equipment. You know -- walk past the crutches, the handicapped toilets, the canes... until you hit the fake-boob aisle. How depressing. Cinderella changed all that. Founded by Norma Jean Johnson, who had trouble shopping for a mother with cancer, the store sells accessories that help mastectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation patients feel babealicious again. They have wigs made from both fake and human hair. In boobs, their best seller -- #F103 -- comes in sizes 0 through 10, and the upbeat, passionate staff helps with fittings. They also sell special bras and lingerie. Breast cancer definitely sucks, but there is a bright side: Nowadays, it's totally treatable, and you can get insurance to pay for your boob job!
Sample Tire is run by John Hansen, a paragon of auto care in Broward County for the past two decades. Hansen, a tall, graying fellow who loves to fish, doesn't advertise -- he doesn't have to. Word of mouth keeps his garage full of cars and customers. Why? The guy -- and his team of mechanics -- is honest and fair. I know it's hard to believe. An honest mechanic? In South Florida, no less? But it's true. Hansen is as straight as a razor when it comes to engines. If you break down, you expect to spend $300 bare minimum, right? Well, he or one of his crack employees is liable to charge you $87.15 or something. And you actually feel like you should pay the guy more. Plus, the place is convenient. You can drop off and pick up your car past normal business hours as long as you leave the keys at the nearby Chevron station. So get thee to Sample Tire. Even if you live in downtown Fort Lauderdale, it's worth the trip.
There are not many things that'll make you feel more like a 5-year-old again than hanging off the backside of an antique fire truck in full firefighting gear. Andrea and Shawn Beckowitz, the husband-and-wife team that, with Shawn's parents, owns Fire Trucks for Fun, rent out a 1978 Mack fire truck for parties, carnivals, and other events, giving kids the full firefighter's treatment, complete with a Dalmatian mascot and working firehose. The white- and red-trimmed tanker is a picturesque firefighting machine, with a box-like cockpit in front of a 1,000-gallon tank. Driver Shawn Beckowitz knows firefighting; he's a second-generation smoke-eater who works for the City of Delray Beach. The couple bought the surplus truck last summer from a fire station in Virginia, and they have spent just about every weekend since renting it out. They charge from $225 to $550 for the "four alarm" package, complete with junior firefighter gear, activity trailer, and a trip around the block with sirens blaring. But there's bad news for all those dads: Only the birthday child gets to ring the bell. Says Andrea Beckowitz: "We try to save a little something special for the one who's having the party."
You won't actually drive that tongue-red Ferrari, not in this lifetime, not so long as you're loving thy neighbor and helping the small people of the world, fighting the good fight, taking only what you need, healing wounds, righting wrongs, giving for the sake of giving. Nor will you ever glide down Las Olas in that silver Bentley, not so long as you're walking for the cure and saving the whales and turning off lights as you leave the room. Nor, you deluded sap, will you ever receive oral pleasure from a rum-addled, spring breaking coed as you mash the accelerator of that cosmos-black Lamborghini down around the double-yellow center lines of A1A, one hand on the gearshift and the other on a pigtail, pinballing through traffic, checking the rearview only for the lights of Fort Lauderdale's finest receding in the distance as your speedometer needle counts briskly by tens. No, not in this lifetime -- and yet, you're free to look.
For those days when downloading music off the Internet isn't an option, you'd rather slit your skinny wrists than darken the doorstep of a Barnes and Noble, and you don't want to wait for Amazon.com to deliver the latest disc from Kamikazee Wombat (or whatever it is you damn kids listen to these days) via your friendly mail carrier, Uncle Sam's is so totally ready to hook you up. In fact, this Lauderhill locus of hip artifacts (the similarly awesome Tate's Comics is in the same shopping center) specializes in indie/alternative/punk/industrial/goth platters, both new and used. Odds are, the tres cool new Stereolab album or Sigür Ros single will be on sale at a price competitive enough to make you swear off big-box discount stores for good. And the store's well-stocked selection of posters, T-shirts, body jewelry, baubles, trinkets, geegaws, doodads, knick-knacks, and gizmos goes well above and beyond the call of duty. As independent record/CD stores go the way of the woolly mammoth, Uncle Sam's wants you to continue to spend your money at shops that still give a damn about music, instead of soy lattes and frou-frou cookbooks. Readers' Choice: Best Buy
While it's fashionable for hipsters to bemoan the lack of quality record stores in South Florida, such cultural curmudgeons would be wise to either (a) move somewhere that meets their hipness standards or (b) put their money where their collectively jaded mouths are and visit Kelly's Klassics. Granted, it's open only on Saturdays, and you gotta shell out some extra dough for the nicer finds ($30 for the Adverts' One Chord Wonders 45), but that's the point -- it's for collectors. Vinyl junkies. Not fair-weather music fans looking for some cheap, scratched-up LPs to hang on their bedroom walls. There are plenty of thrift stores around for those types of records. Instead, Kelly's Klassics is for the real record geeks: anyone who doesn't need a music reference guide to watch High Fidelity. Not catering to any specific genre, Kelly's has all types of records, from obscure and out-of-print punk and hardcore to classic jazz, hip-hop, new wave, '60s psychedelic, and lots of other stuff to satisfy your vinyl-hording needs. Kelly's typically is open from 9 a.m. to 6 or 7 p.m. every Saturday, though it's a good idea to call first.
The shit's going down. Power's out. Government's fallen. Neighbor's fled. Fido's dead. The evil zombie's comin' down the road. What do you do? Well, if you were wise enough to shop at IPS 911 Store in Hollywood, you'd put on your riot gear helmet ($125), slide knives in your military boots ($79 to $199), and throw a fresh clip in that 9mm equalizer ($400 and up). Then you'd walk outside, calm as a yoga instructor, and pump that evil incarnate full of cold, hard steel. "That's for Fido, motherfucker!"
As presidential campaign 2004 heats up through the summer, you're gonna find yourself needing one thing above all: political masks. Whether you're for or against re-electing the Bushies, the gang's all here at this shop, which is visible from I-95 -- but a darn sight harder to get to via service roads. Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, and W himself are in all their rubber-headed splendor for about 30 bucks apiece. They have the Axis of Evil guys too, like Fidel Castro and Saddam Hussein (dictator era, not the spider-hole grunge period). If you're politically neutral -- is that even possible in post-2000 election Florida? -- try the Uncle Sam or Lady Liberty masks. Politics aside, the store's got hundreds of costumes and masks, from sexy to fantasy to celebrity. Visit the company's comprehensive website to avoid the hassle of driving.
Best Store for Musicians in Broward
Music Arts Enterprises
Music Arts Enterprises -- the huge music instruments store on Davie Boulevard -- is not a corporate chain. Really. Though it's got more guitars than you could shake a pick at (and loads of other instruments, music books, DJ equipment, lighting, etc.), the 41-year-old MAE is as mom-and-pop as they come. Guitars comprise roughly 30 percent of the store's inventory, with separate sections for new, used, and vintage collectibles from all the major guitar manufacturers. Drummers, don't fret; there's plenty of stuff for you as well. Ditto for keyboardists, DJs, engineers, and even brass and woodwind enthusiasts. If you're looking just to borrow some gear, MAE offers top-of-the-line rental equipment, from instruments to sequencers to analog and digital recording equipment and more. And if last night's wild gig left you sans a functional instrument, bring it by to MAE's service center. Larry Rubin and luthier Ralph Seymour (or "Ralph the Guitar Guy," as regulars refer to him) will fix your dinged-up gear lickity-split. While they're at work, you can browse the store, brandishing your checkbook and wondering if the landlord really needs that rent money.
Best Store for Musicians in Palm Beach
Marathon Music
It's the grand opening of a new location for a national chain music store. Give it some type of cool, seemingly edgy name like "Axes of Evil" or "Drum Addicts Anonymous." Anyway, the store purports to have a special on guitars, which earns the enthusiastic attention of young Johnny Six String. Johnny, thinking he'll get a good deal, hurries over to the store and heads straight for the guitar section, where he spots a Fender Telecaster that tickles his finger-tapping fancy. After noticing a small dent in the guitar, Johnny finds a sales rep -- a scrawny, nervous-looking guy with a goatee -- and asks him about a discount. But before Johnny can say the word bamboozle, the sly salesman launches into a frenzy, telling Johnny that if he buys a Fender guitar, then he needs a Fender amp, a Fender cord, Fender strings, etc. Within minutes, Johnny's been duped out of a cool thousand bucks. This scenario happens all the time. And it could have been prevented, had Mr. Six String tried Marathon Music instead. There, he would have found that Fender Stratocasters -- typically ranging in price from $149 to $1,200 -- can be purchased separately from their accessories. What a concept! Also, Johnny could price gear for his bandmates, like keyboards (from $99 Casios to $3,500 Suzuki electric pianos), bass guitars (Ibanezes from $169 to $900), and drums (full Tama kits for $1,499), as well as other instruments and accessories essential to the working musician. There's no reason those who sell instruments can't follow the same rule as those who play instruments, which is: "Less talk, more rock."
Best Place to Play an Eight-Minute Guitar Solo
God of Thunder
The Metal Factory may have dropped the metal in its name. It may be difficult to find a white fringe jacket anymore. But if you find yourself longing for the touch of a B.C. Rich Warlock bass so you can finally perfect that Iron Maiden solo, God of Thunder is a haven for those of us stuck in the '80s. It also offers lessons by Damian, who assures you he won't teach any of that "'Pop Goes the Weasel' bullshit," as well as sales, rentals, repairs, and rehearsal studios for the li'l metalheads in training.
One of the first things you'll notice upon entering Bookwise used bookstore is how neat and organized it is. Whereas lesser used bookstores are not much more than giant dustbins serving as the owners' storage closets, the books at Bookwise are all of like-new quality. And they're conveniently classified so you won't spend a whole afternoon trying to delineate which section is which. Bookwise has a huge selection of all genres, old and new, including a well-kept classics section in which the books are preserved inside glass cases. Perusing the various sections, you'll find books on just about every subject and by all manner of writers, from the philosophic musings of Herman Hesse to the time-warping sci-fi of Robert Heinlein; from books about the Rolling Stones to books about Rolling Stone; and just about anything else that's fit to read. You could spend a week looking through it all -- but you'd be guaranteed to turn up at least a few gems. Hard-cover books typically cost $5 to $10, though some of the older, rarer finds cost a few bucks more. Just keep in mind the cardinal rule of secondhand shopping: It's best to arrive without a shopping list; that way, you'll be pleasantly surprised at what you find. Readers' Choice: Borders
Everybody knows that the best way to find a mechanic is to ask someone for referrals. And who better to ask than other mechanics? After he had the timing belt in his Lexus fixed by the guys at Elder Automotive, a local airplane mechanic said, "They're good, and they're fair." What else do ya want in a mechanic?!? Bonus: If you're the penny-pinching, wrench-turning type, "They'll even wait if you want to go get a part from the junkyard, because it's cheaper than buying a new part through them."
Kids, pull up a chair and listen a spell. Paw wants to tell you a story about his favorite beer. 'Course, you can't find it nowadays. But back when your Grandpappy was alive, the finest beer you could drink was called Watney's Red Barrel. Damn if that wasn't just the swellest brew ever, a perfect balance of slightly sweet maltiness and just a li'l bitter bite from them hops. Oh, don't even get me started on Killian's Red. That swill ain't fit to wash your hubcaps with. Luckily for your old Paw, Fort Lauderdale brewmaster Adam Fine has whipped together a red ale recipe that does Watney's one better. Which is like doin' Killian's... whut? Six better? That's 'cause I'm talking about good old Number Seven, the smooth, eminently quaffable red ale that should be the flagship beer of Fine's Fresh Beer Inc. It's so damn tasty, and it takes me back to a simpler time. The billiard-ball tap is a nice touch too. Look for the stuff on tap at clubs like the Poor House and Alligator Alley but not in the refrigerator section of your neighborhood grocery store.
Best Alternative to Starbucks
Greenberry's Coffee & Tea
You know that saying, "Everywhere you go, there you are"? Well, it should be updated thusly: "Everywhere you go, there's a Starbucks Coffee store." You can't avoid them -- the damn things are everywhere. Next to your home. Next to your work. And, unfortunately, next to other Starbucks stores. This, hopefully, explains Starbucks' immense popularity with the roaming caffeine hound. Because it's certainly not quality that drives people en masse to the bloated coffee chain, unless puke-flavored java's the new thing these days. So, in hopes that supporting a growing David to slay the out-of-control Goliath is not too quixotic a goal, we recommend Greenberry's Coffee & Tea. New to the state, Greenberry's recently opened its first Florida location in Wellington and plans to open a location in Coral Springs this year as well. Unlike that other coffee store, Greenberry's selection of more than 25 coffee types is pleasing to the taste buds. Regular coffee comes in three sizes: tall (12 ounces, $1.40), grande (16 ounces, $1.60), and supreme (20 ounces, $1.70). For tea time, there are 18 loose-leaf teas to choose from. If you're in need of a quick caffeine fix, espresso is $1.45 for a single shot and $1.70 for a double shot. Or if you'd rather play it cool, Greenberry's has frozen drinks (java shakes, $2.65 to $3.40) and fruit smoothies (banana berry, mango apricot, raspberry, and wild berry, $2.90 to $3.65). Wireless Internet access is free. Now what was the name of that other place?
When you graduate from Dungeons & Dragons and Everquest and Heroclix and the other role-playing games favored by 30-year-old virgins, when it's time to put hair on your chest in place of pimples, then hit the old-school board games. Yes, lad, you may know your Stratego from your Axis & Allies, but when was the last time you busted out a round of Quo Vadis? -- "the game of Politics and Intrigue in Ancient Rome"? Got jiggy with 1856: Railroading in Upper Canada or took on Risk 2210 A.D.? The war games here are so specific, they deal with the last four days of Waterloo, for instance, or the Soviet liberation of Kiev in 1943, or helicopter warfare in the 1980s. If you want to cool your heels, sailor, check out Regatta, the game of championship yacht racing. Take your pick. Just remember: Chicks can dig games just as long as the dice don't have more than six sides.
Local head shops have been hit pretty hard in recent months. The Department of Homeland Security has way too much free time on its hands and has been harassing stores that sell what they consider to be "drug paraphernalia." Unfortunately for the proprietors of these establishments, the department has not come out and said exactly what is illegal, making any merchandise that you can use to smoke into a potential business liability. A number of shops have closed, and those that remain open have pretty much cleared their shelves of everything but a meager selection of rolling papers, incense, and gifts. That's why we were overjoyed to discover that Grateful J's still has everything that the short-term memory of a pothead can remember needing. From bowls in Pyrex, metal, corncob, and wood to multihosed hookahs and futuristic vaporizers, J's carries everything you need for your next hit of the kind bud. A VW van's weight in Grateful Dead merchandise is inside, but our favorite spot is the Boca Raton store's showcase of handcrafted art glass -- goblets, paperweights, and pendants. If you look one shelf lower, you'll see a collection of handmade glass sex toys for use after that late-night hash spliff, when you and your honey are feeling nice and relaxed.
This ain't no reptile tourist trap. No faux alligator baubles to be found here, friends. You'll know this is authentic gator land the moment you step into this shop, which is hidden away in a cluster of drab warehouse cubbyholes just off I-95 and Pembroke Road. The piquant aroma of gator hides in various states of processing fills the nostrils, and craftsmen are hand-making purses, boots, and, well, whatever other notions of scaly stylin' you might desire. Opened in the late '80s by Massachusetts native and part-time marine biologist Brian Wood, the shop also offers meat, from fast-food cheap to caviar costly. For the highfalutin, there's the alligator tenderloins for $10.95 a pound. For the lunchbox set, try the $2.75-a-pound legs, or, hell, buy a whole carcass for $2 a pound and barbecue that baby up. If you prefer to be one step removed from the whole gator-factory experience, order online.
Remember back in college when you had to choose a foreign language? And, being the young Einstein you were, you chose whatever seemed the coolest, regardless of whether you'd actually ever speak the language. Fortunately, you can make up for your youthful shortsightedness at Clematis Street News Stand. Short of actually traveling abroad, what better way to check out a foreign country than to read its periodicals? Test your memory reading France's LeFigaro and Le Monde, Spain's El País, or Italy's Corriere della Sera, and several other foreign-language papers. Or peruse those of other English-speaking nations, like England's tabloid the Daily Mirror or the Irish Times. There are plenty of papers from the States as well, from the Left Coast (San Francisco Chronicle) to the Big Apple (New York Post, New York Times). But what good is reading the paper without a good meal on the side? Well, you're in luck: Clematis Street News Stand serves breakfast, lunch, and an assortment of desserts to boot. There's even a gift shop (though somewhat for tourists) offering fine wines, cigars, and various souvenirs and greeting cards. You could spend hours dining, shopping, and catching up on news from across the Atlantic. And you should too -- it'll help make up for all that money you blew in college.
In Fort Lauderdale, you used to have either your bus tour or your boat tour. Now you can go amphibian on this city's ass. It's called Lauderducks, and it opened at BeachPlace this past December. The silly name comes from a very serious vehicle, called a DUKW. These babies are basically large trucks with watertight hulls that were built back in 1940 for use in World War II. A few smart people decided to buy some DUKWs from the government, renovate them, then charge the populace to ride and boat in them. The DUKW is a terribly awkward-looking thing, and that's one of the wonderful aspects of the tour: It's as much an oddity as anything you'll see while you're on it. People stare and wave as you ride by and make obnoxious noises with these little yellow quacker things the tour operators give you. The 80-minute ride -- which costs $21 per adult and $13 for children -- rolls up the shopping district of Las Olas, into Fort Lauderdale, where you learn about our wonderful history (like the fact that the Broward County Governmental Center used to be a department store). Then they drive you right into the New River, where you float by what the city calls Millionaire's Row, where half of the mansions seem to be owned by the Huizengas. Then it's on to the Intracoastal Waterway, where you gawk at more boats than you thought could fit on the ocean. In short, it's a ride into the heart of Fort Lauderdale -- and it's a hell of a tour. Quack, quack.
The full name of this club for curs is Camp Canine Country Club and Day Spa for Dogs and Cats. I'll let the owners describe the place from their website, which calls it "not just an ordinary kennel, but an elite resort for dogs and cats offering very unique Daycare, as well as Grooming, Boarding, Training and an exclusive Pet Boutique -- for the most spoiled pets!" That's right, folks, we've entered the realm of pecuniary emulation for dogs. You don't just worry about keeping up with the Joneses nowadays but their damn furball too. But let's face it: There are a lot of single folk out there who can't be at home with their mutts during working hours. If you've got the money -- $15 for the first day and $22 a day after that -- why not let Spot play at Camp Canine? And rest assured that the folks at the sprawling, 9,200-square-foot facility in downtown Fort Lauderdale are professional, and they know what they are doing. Fido can roam about in the camp's air-conditioned play area or go to the secure yard outside. He can play on jungle gyms, have a nap time or a manicure, or watch "rainy day doggy movies." It's downright decadent, like Caligula for dogs. Discounted multiday passes are available. Fortunately, if all the debauchery gets to be too much for your pooch, the facility also has counselors on-site to handle your pet's psychological problems, like depression and separation anxiety. Unfortunately, they don't offer the same services to the animals' owners.
Synodontis petricola is a dwarf catfish commonly found in Lake Tanganyika in East Africa. It rarely exceeds three and a half inches in length. But S. petricola, better-known as the pygmy catfish, has one hell of a Napoleon complex: Put this graceful creature in an aquarium with some of his larger, more aggressive catfish brethren and watch him quickly gain respect as he scavenges the bottom of your aquarium. S. petricola ($34.99) is merely one of the unique underwater oddities you can find at Benny's Tropical Fish in Pembroke Pines. This family-owned store, founded by Benny Manna, is a turnkey outfit for all your fish and home aquarium needs. In fact, Benny's fish, many of which are bred in captivity, have gained such a following that Manna ships everything from Blue Dolphin ($5.99) to Albino Cobalt Zebra ($4.99) to customers nationwide. Readers' Choice: Petsmart
It might sound frivolous to those whose pets don't pray on Saturdays, but the Fort Lauderdale company that's producing kosher dog and cat food hopes to report yearly sales in the seven figures by the end of 2004. Consider it bragging rights to say that your dog is a better Jew than the neighbor's flea-bitten mutt. KosherPets concocts its dog and cat food using a rabbi-blessed kitchen and sells its divine goods at boutiques and chain stores. They use kosher meats and unleavened bread to create vittles probably more holy than what a lot of Jews scarf down. A bowl of kosher dog food does cost more -- a one-pound bag of dried beef patties is $29.95 -- but how much would you spend to save Spot from damnation? Some of the company's most popular items are Hanukkah and Passover treats (nonkosher), including stuffed dreidels and menorahs, which KosherPets claims "brings out the mensch in even the most unruly pooch."
Oh no! There's only half an hour left before your big date, and your car's a complete mess, inside and out. The carpet's littered with Doritos bits, and your once-shiny paint job is now decorated with bird droppings. Slime, dust, and dirt seems embedded in every part. A trip to the gas station seems like the best solution, but then you'll have to choose whether to wash it or vacuum it; you don't have time to do both. Or do you? Only if you ditch the Amoco station and go to Woody's Wash & Wax. For $13, you can get the Ultimate Wash and Wax, which includes vacuuming and window-cleaning (add $2 for Armor All). But if you're really strapped for time, Woody's $10 Super Wash (no wax) takes under ten minutes from the moment you pull in to the moment you leave. You can always come back later and get your auto hand-waxed for $30. So, now that your car's nice and spiffy and ready for your date, let's talk about that haircut.
Best Place to Buy Hipster Furniture
Trend Furniture by Design
Somewhere between college and meeting the woman of your dreams, you realize that plaid couch with worn armrests acts as a large neon sign, almost visible from the street below, blinking: Bachelor! Bachelor! Bachelor! It's time for a change, good man, and nowhere can a more drastic change be found than at Trend Furniture by Design in downtown Hollywood. Take a look. There's the cushioned chaise longue with the sloped back and six-foot base extending out in a curve, as if it were a human tongue gently arching forward. That little chair will set you back half a paycheck or so. Now move over to the lamps. They extend up from the floor, their colors as vivid as their curves smooth, as if the metal bases were stems reaching upward to give birth to flowers (uh, yeah, the light bulbs go in those flower-lookin' things). A lamp can be had for $200. But then you'll see the couches. Oh, the couches! Many use two contrasting colors, the arms one color, the base and back another. The cushions give lightly as the lines of the couch move out and envelope as if they were the curves of a beautiful woman. Price? $1,200. Pricey, sure, but this furniture store offers some wild and sexy stuff.
"I found a Hello Kitty coin purse!" and other exhortations are guaranteed to spring to your lips after you're finally able to crawl out of this sinkhole of sale items, this quicksand of quirkiness. Or if the mouthless cat isn't your thing, just substitute another favorite only-a-buck goody: a bag o' confetti, perhaps? How about some glow-in-the-dark aquarium rocks? Don't miss the Auto Aisle! Never pay $1.49 for plastic ice trays ever again or $1.09 for a votive candle. Not at the 99 Cents Store. Best of all, the large selection of merchandise priced over a buck -- but rarely more than a fin -- yields discounted finds like glass cabbage heads, aluminum paella pans, cheap cologne, and all sorts of other utterly useless but nonetheless completely fascinating totems of our disposable society. Most dollar stores deal in down-on-their-luck junk, but this formidable array of low-budget items is in a class by itself.
Best Evidence Christmas Is All Year
A Christmas Place
There's nothing but Christmas in this unassuming shop, yet it's open year-round. That it has survived for three decades is a Christmas miracle if ever there was one. (Heck, eggnog gets only one month a year, and that stuff is molten crack.) Inside, you'll wander past entire rooms of ornaments, stockings, tree skirts, Christmas lights. At least 35 styles of Christmas trees decorated in themes. A five-foot-tall stuffed snowman. Snowman head ornaments. Wire frame sleighs outlined in winking tube lights and deer that nod their light-filled heads. A six-foot-tall upright reindeer made of what appears to be artificial hedge, wearing a red scarf and vest. Santa dolls in more variations than Barbie: poinsettia-patterned-coat Santa; pimped-out, crushed-velvet-coat Santa; fur-lined-wilderness-coat Santa. Two rooms dedicated to miniature, achingly detailed Christmas scenes: the snow village, the alpine village, the Dickens village (Hark! Be that Scrooge's house?). And of course, more crèches than you can shake a tiny wooden Jesus at. Even supporting players Balthazar, Melchior, Tiberius, Esau, Obediah, Zachariah, and Samson are here, pocket-sized, to enrich your favorite Bible story diorama, 52 weeks per annum.
Biking in Broward is dangerous business. Drivers refuse to give way to other cars, let alone some flesh-and-bone human propped up on a metal contraption with two one-inch-wide rubber tires. Without a bike that can hop street corners, absorb shocks, and then stop in seconds, you'll become just one more bicycling casualty in South Florida, turned into pavement by some rusty, fuel-powered tank. That's why you need Kevin's Bicycles, a turnkey bicycle outfit thriving in the age of automobiles. Specializing in urban rides, including such sweet bikes as Mongooses and Calois (prices start at $139), Kevin's is the last of a dying breed: a locally owned store and repair shop that can inspire you to give up your car every now and then. What's more, like a car dealership, Kevin's takes trade-ins. Or let's say you don't like bicycles. That's OK. There's a fancy unicycle for sale. Readers' Choice: Lauderdale Cyclery
If what you want is a bicycle -- not an ass kissing, not a motivational speech, not a new best friend -- then go to Bicycle. Wayne -- the awesomely coifed (think '80s skater haircut on a tall, skinny, gray-haired dude) proprietor who runs the one-man show -- is serious about these machines. Whether you want a road bike, a hybrid, a mountain bike, or a cruiser; whether you want to buy components or have your bike tuned up, Wayne is the man to see. He may not smile; he may not sweet-talk you; he might even tell you to go away if you're not the serious kind of customer he's looking for. But there are two things Wayne never has to worry about: (1) dissatisfied customers and (2) having to wipe brown stuff off his nose.
Most of the plants at Tropical World Nursery didn't just pop up in some mass-produced South Florida farm. Many of the bromeliads, cacti, and orchids have traveled farther than you did on your last vacation. Tropical World grows most of its stuff a few thousand miles away, on the side of a dormant Mexican volcano. The nursery's South of the Border location, at 3,500 feet above sea level, allows it to produce plants that won't grow to maturity in South Florida's heat. Once of age, the plants can survive in local backyards, says owner Michael Marino, who makes regular trips to Mexico to retrieve the full-grown specimens. Many of the rare varieties are shipped via suitcase on domestic flights. That overhead doesn't make Tropical World the kind of place most folks will go to landscape the entire homefront, but the unique blooms of one-of-a-kind plants make it ideal for a yard's finishing touches. And they do have some deals. Check out the $6 cape primrose, or streptocarpus, a relative of the African violet. They also have carnivorous pitcher plants (sarracenia) that grow in burgundy colors with orchid-looking leaves for $5. The best part is that you can brag to the neighbors that your new shrubbery is volcano-grown.
For those of you looking to furnish your pad like a seafood shack, this is the place to go. Culpepper & Co.'s crowded yard of goods has reams of nautical-themed antiques pulled from the hulls of boats and shipyards the world over. Owner David Culpepper spends two months a year combing shipyards and wrecking facilities in remote places, usually in Asia and the Near East. He returns with one man's trash and another man's item to piss off the wife when it ends up in the living room: rusting anchors, glass buoys, aging harpoons, and dresser drawers full of sailing flags. Just about every wall of the small showroom is covered in life preservers that look as if they've come in handy a few hundred times, and there are piles of oars scuffed from years of use on long-forgotten boats. Some stuff even still has that saltwater smell. Mmm. And it's cheaper than you may think to make your home look like Red Lobster. A fishing basket runs $15 and a brass porthole about $250. The wooden ship's wheel will set you back a few hundred as well, but you're not going to let her say no, are you?
Lonely on a Friday night? Looking for some hand-held action? Well, the minute you walk into the brightly lit confines of the Adult Video Boutique, angels will sing on high. Oh wait, those aren't angels: That's Power 96 blasting over the speakers. That's right. Nelly is talking to you. He wants you to buy that shiny, double-headed dildo and get down to bizznaaas. With two whole walls and four rows of sex toys, the Adult Video Boutique has you nailed. Are you a novice? You might want to try the Sterling Stroker, the Chili Pepper Spicy Multi-Speed Dildo (shaped like a chili pepper), the Microwavable Hot Cock (the world's first!), or the Flying Eagle (a tiny, eagle-shaped contraption that goes over your no-no parts and, er, spreads its wings over your majestic mountaintop). For the more advanced, there's the Traveling G-Spot Tickler, the Vibrating Port-a-Pussy, the Xtreme Sports Penis Pump with Action Grips (for the snowboarder or windsurfer on the go), or the Ecstasy Rope (it's very Victorian). And if you need some favors for the party in your pants, you can also pick up a Pecker Party Whistle or Sammy Schlong the Singing Dong (picture that annoying singing trout but with balls). And you don't have to worry about wearing that trench coat and sunglasses at the AVB. The clientele buys their Mr. Stud Inflatable Party Dolls and Grape-scented Vibrating Jelly Vaginas with pride.
Location, location, location. It's what they say about real estate. But it's what they should say about adult video stores. Take, for example, Platinum Plus Video. Located on Federal Highway, between two of the area's most popular strip clubs -- Spearmint Rhino and Pure Platinum & Solid Gold -- this sinful store titillates with ceiling-to-floor windows displaying piece after piece of naughty lingerie. Walk inside and browse through the video selection. Just as wine connoisseurs like a particular vintage and region, porn aficionados like their fetishes. Big tits, oral, anal, gangbang -- Platinum Plus carries whatever you need to get that, well, inspiration. Trust us: There'll come a time when you'll need this place, which is open 24/7. We've been there. It'll be 1 a.m. on a muggy night. You just slipped all your cash into the G-string of some stripper named Destiny. And there, as you walk out disappointed, lit up on Federal Highway like a glow-in-the-dark rocket pocket, will be Platinum Plus Video. You'll have a credit card and a big, well, uh, itch that Destiny just wouldn't scratch.
Do you want to get drunk but need a self-esteem boost? You gotta love it when you get encouragement from your friendly neighborhood liquor merchant. Nine times out of ten, you'll get a hearty greeting from the guys at Wilton Beverage as you walk in the door. They're always willing to help with beer selection, prices, gift ideas -- and they offer free samples! Located off Wilton Drive in the heart of Wilton Manors, WDB is small and intimate, a boozehound's paradise. Don't let the narrow aisles and precariously stacked mountains of boxes scare you off. The lack of space just puts you closer to the liquor, which is especially helpful if you've got a pesky case of the delirium tremens. And the prices are decent to boot. You can get a top-shelf bottle of Patron Silver for $39.99 or a six-pack of Singha for $6.99. Readers' Choice: ABC Liquor
Best Place to Endure Excruciating Pain in the Name of Beauty
European Wax Center
OK, ladies, let's say you need some, uh, landscaping done downtown. Having someone pour hot wax on your nether regions and rip the hair out doesn't sound pleasant, but the aestheticians at the European Wax Center make it so. With their white coats and cheery smiles, they chat you up nonchalantly as you lie on the table in one of the salon's immaculate but cozy, high-ceilinged back rooms. This salon uses a special kind of French wax, which hardens and doesn't require removal with messy cloth strips that are the norm in most salons. There's also no reverse discrimination here. Back and eyebrow waxing are done on dudes as well as dudettes; a gentleman even works at the counter. The center offers a variety of memberships so you can come back unlimited times. For $1,190 -- the most expensive membership -- you can come in every day and have your whole body plucked. So, go forth -- do cartwheels, perform karate kicks, and play volleyball in your G-string, confidently knowing that you're not shaggy anywhere and that no one is staring at your unibrow.
In 1630, Mumtaz Mahal died as she gave birth to her 14th child. So moved by the loss was her husband, Shah Jehan, a powerful emperor in the northern part of India, that he built for her the architectural tribute of the ages, the Taj Mahal. Does your cockatoo deserve anything less? Of course not, and thankfully, the Bird Depot has created the Taj Mahal -- whose advertising slogan reads: "When only the best will do." Standing eight feet tall and almost four feet wide, this wheeled ode to birdhood is welded up by hand and topped off with an onion dome of bars fit for royalty. The cage is furnished with natural wood perches and ladder, and optional plexiglass panels are available for high-strung cagelings with a penchant for kicking birdseed around. Naturally enough, the Taj Mahal carries a regal price tag, with the top-end version pushing $2,600.
Welcome. Not what you were expecting, hmm? You didn't think you'd find wide, spacious aisles just waiting for you to dance up and down like an actor in a big-budget musical, did you? Well, that's because National Pawn and Jewelry is not your average pawn shop. In fact, it's not a flea-bitten "pawn shop" at all. It is a superduper megaplex pawn superstore, a veritable cavernous clearinghouse for secondhand merchandise. It's a clean, well-lighted place for dubiously acquired goods. Check out the glass counters filled to the brim with bling, as bespectacled jewelers appraise merchandise for clients wearing basketball jerseys. Paw through the CDs -- they start at $2! Amateur musician outfitting your home studio? Guitars, violins, horns, drum kits, old Roland keyboards and drum machines and cowbells and harmonicas and tambourines and... did we say cowbells? Almost anything you're looking for (tools, stereo components, DVDs) can be had on the cheap. Did we say cheap? We meant inexpensive!
Traffic school sounds like a farcical way of avoiding points on your license. You speed a little, you maybe crumple someone's fender, you cut across three lanes of Federal Highway and smack your moving truck into a garbage truck -- whatever you did, it doesn't matter, because for a mere four hours on a Saturday (and the cost of your ticket), the state absolves your stupid ass. Comedy Traffic School at least recognizes the farce at work, then proceeds to give you your money's worth. Among the nuggets dispensed by one instructor, a former cop and standup comic: Making eye contact with a road-raging driver is a good way to get shot; acceding to a vehicle search saves time, because a determined cop will search you regardless; and driving with Florida tags automatically makes you suspicious to cops in any non-Florida state. What does this have to do with your doing 80 in a 55? Bupkis, really. But a refresher in common sense, delivered with a couple of jokes tossed in, doesn't hurt, and if you already know everything about driving, Mr. Andretti, exactly how did you wind up in traffic school?
Best Place to Buy Balloons
Balloons, Balloons, Balloons
Well, no shit, right? Also Beanie Babies, jigsaw puzzles, Raggedy Ann dolls, Pokémon day planners, Mickey Mouse dolls in safari outfits, and stuffed plush purple hippos. A standard 18-inch Mylar balloon will run $3.50. Want to get some gigantic heart or teddy bear? You're looking at $25 and up.
Age: 54
Hometown: Gouverneur, New York
Claim to fame: Owner and founder of Jezebel, a popular Fort Lauderdale vintage clothing and rental store.
What she's done for us lately: Cheerleader jackets, '50s-look sunglasses, rhinestone shoes (like Joan Crawford used to wear), bakelite belt buckles, turquoise headbands, poodle skirts, dozens of items adorned with that shovel-mouthed monkey (the familiar Paul Frank trademark), which are presently jumping off the shelves. They're all in the store that Ptak opened 18 years ago (16 years in its current location on Sunrise Boulevard). Ptak has become one of South Florida's mavens of conceptual retailing. Sure, Jezebel is just stuff -- but stuff that's all somehow connected by Ptak's discerning vision.
What it takes: "Changing constantly. You can't stay satisfied. I'm easily bored. I get so bored, I have to change things."
It started out quirky and has gotten weirder since. Built in the '70s, the Corner Store was initially envisioned as a futuristic, octagonal-shaped market manned by robots. The original owner ringed the place with conveyor belts with the idea that customers could select items from computerized terminals that would then pass along the belts and into their cars. The Jetsons-like system bombed and was torn out 20 years ago. But since, that odd outlook on convenience has permeated this place. The Corner Store's current owner, Robert Lamelas, now sells a bizarre collection of goods, including ammunition, live bait, designer sunglasses, and imported beer. The ammo is stacked haphazardly on a shelf in the back, sold frequently to tournament shooters who pay a little extra to avoid Wal-Mart. Nearby sit tanks filled with live crabs and live shrimp. And in the coolers that line the back side of the small store are rows and rows of exotic beers, ranging from $2 Abita to the $10-a-bottle Dogfish Head stout. Weirdest of all, Corner Store employees are required to carry their own guns, Manager Mike Papadatos says. This gunslinger approach to shopkeeping has given the store a unique advantage, Papadatos says: "I think we're the only corner store that has never been robbed." We'll drink to that.
Like any other segment of the quasimedical world, chiropractic care has its share of detractors and swear-bys. If you believe the spinal-alignment and vertebral-subluxation pseudosciences are about as valid as the Raelians' views on cloning, read no further. But for those with back problems seeking a cure for pain, chiropractors can make the difference between living the good life and existing with a wicked-ass pain in the neck. Too many doctors of chiropractic will suck you into a system of unnecessary, triweekly visits -- or confuse you with sales pitches for micronutrients, diet aids, magic pillows, or special vitamin supplements. But Dr. Bruns (conveniently located just blocks from downtown Fort Lauderdale) won't waste your time or money. Instead, he'll give you what you need -- a spinal adjustment -- with a modicum of bullshit. After seeing stars for a second, you'll be on the road to recovery, with no pressure to schedule additional visits until that little lightning bolt between your shoulder blades tells you it's time. OK? Good. Now get crackin'.
Best Cheap Funeral
Alternative Funeral & Cremation Care
Why should it be that frugality equals guilt when it comes to picking out caskets and urns for the earthly remains of family? After all, look at how we live our lives: A few of us drive Mercedeses, some Saabs, and most of us, Chevys. Same thing with clothes; most of us buy our duds at Target and the like, while the more ostentatious and well-heeled head to the boutiques. Thus, a strong case can be made for financial consistency for our loved ones even in death. A typical funeral runs about $10,000, but you could shell out half that much with a little careful planning through Alternative Funeral. Some of the firm's burial coffins sell for less than $1,000, while the low-end cremation caskets are $550. The absolutely no-frills "immediate burial," which means no viewing or ceremony, costs as little as $1,345. Your pennywise dearly departed would be proud of you.
In the three years since Yohanny Lopez crossed the Florida Straights on an inner tube, his life has made quite a turnaround. Using his training from the Romeo Y Juliet factory in Havana, Lopez and his uncle George Rodriguez opened Mya Handmade Cigars Factory in an industrial strip near downtown West Palm Beach. Lopez still rolls close to 100 cigars a day, like he did in Cuba, but now he's making money for himself. A steady clientele has discovered the benefits of freshly rolled cigars, and the pair has hired two employees to keep up with demand. Rodriguez lights the stogies for customers and brews potent Cuban coffee to sip in the lounge chairs. They're looking for a more visible location someday, maybe on Clematis Street or near CityPlace, where Lopez would surely be a tourist attraction. Lopez spends every day rolling cigars at a worn wood work station just off the lounge area of the small shop, visible through an open breezeway, so customers can watch. For each cigar, Lopez strips the stems out of the leaves, stuffing together Dominican, Peruvian, and Nicaraguan tobacco. The concoction is pressed in old-fashioned molds, many smuggled out of Cuba, and then rolled in Connecticut-grown wrappers. He doesn't hesitate to say they're better than the ones he rolled back home. "They're fresher," Lopez notes. "Cigars you buy, they're a year old or more. These are fresh, and fresh cigars, there is nothing better." Or cheaper. The stogies start at just $1 for what's the best, slow-burning, and richly flavorful smoke around -- at least without a trip across the Florida Straits.
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