Photo by Chung Lun Chiang/Flickr

This mall is branded "the largest outlet and value retail shopping destination in the United States." And it's right, judging by the fact that it takes 30 minutes to buy one pair of shorts at the Calvin Klein outlet on a Monday at 8 p.m., even with five cashiers hustling faster than a Chipotle assembly line. Here, a chorus of languages carries into every corner of more than 2.3 million square feet of retail space. After all, it is an international destination, where tourists fresh off a Port Everglades cruise will spend nine hours filling the luggage they just bought at the mall to the brim with top-of-the-line duds from brands like Armani, Jimmy Choo, David Yurman, and Versace, all at outlet prices. There are even shopping carts, kiosks where you can exchange currency, and a U.S. Postal Service office near the SuperTarget for those who exceed their airline's checked-bag weight limit. It's so labyrinthine that even we locals have to use a map to navigate to the nearest Cinnabon (there are two, by the way). And God knows we're going to need our energy as we carry our dozen bags of everything-was-half-off-we-couldn't-resist back to the car we parked on the third level of the Burlington garage. But lucky for us, if we can't make it through the entire mall, there's always next weekend.

So you bought a boat. Good for you. Did you hear the one about the two best days of a boat owner's life? How about what "boat" actually stands for? Or the hole-in-the-water line? If you did, then you'll soon learn that the annual Dania Beach Marine Flea Market is your new Christmas. It's so good that grown men with carts will be running down the aisles bright and early on the first day of the sale (usually held one weekend only in early March each year) lugging off new Furuno radars before you even get a foot inside, because the line is already halfway down the Mardi Gras Casino parking lot, and you underestimated its popularity by showing up a half-hour late on opening day. Here you can buy everything from bilges and bumpers to complete motors and props for your new baby. But it's not just a by-boaters, for-boaters type of sale. There are endless booths with snorkeling gear, fishing tackle, décor, apparel, food, and artwork celebrating the salt life. Every March, hobbyists from around the state come to hawk all things marine for what amounts to the world's greatest garage sale, complete with the haggling and walk backs and panicked telephone calls to your uncle telling you: "DO IT! Deals like this don't come around that often." And they don't, so you should listen to him.

Once an ordinary outlet mall, Festival Flea Market Mall changed its name and reason for being in 1991 and has become a one-stop shop for buying things you would never expect to take home with you. The indoor air-conditioned space boasts more than 500 merchants offering to peddle you furniture, clothing, jewelry, rugs, toys, contraptions, knickknacks, and paddywacks. While the chaotic format of the market will make it a challenge if you enter with something specific you wish to buy, if you are a shopper who vales the thrill of an unexpected discovery, there is no place better. If you get hungry during your search, there is a fruit and vegetable market as well as a diverse food court offering everything from bialys to gyros. Open every day of the year but Thanksgiving, weekday business hours are from 9:30 to 5, with weekends granting you an extra hour of treasure-hunting, with the mall staying open until 6.

In our world of Kmarts and Targets, big business has sucked the fun out of shopping. Little Timmy is no longer excited for a Sunday trip to Walmart, where he'll shuffle through fluorescent aisles, surrounded by dozens of bland, marked-down products and giant butts squeezed into electric scooters. And can you blame him? Poor Timmy. Gone are the days of eager anticipation, of wondering what gems he'll discover hidden in a secret corner of the store. These days, the most exciting thing he'll find is an unconscious old man leaning against the ramen noodles. Timmy needs to go to the Swap Shop. And when he gets to the big yellow Lauderdale landmark, he needs to go to the second floor, make a left at the arcade, and walk until he finds the Swap Shop's greatest stand — until he finds... the Man Cave. There, Timmy will find rows of samurai swords, axes, specialty knives, manly posters, and ninja stars. The Man Cave sells some of the coolest things you'll never use. Is it unnecessary? Sure. But so was going to the moon. And we did that for the same reason the Man Cave exists. Because it's fucking awesome.

They say you can read into a person's soul by peering closely at his or her... couch. Let's test it out: My couch has a layer of Cheetos grime, is propped up where one leg should be by a stack of unpaid student loan notices and grad school applications, and has a perfectly sized indention of my ass (Game of Thrones binge). If you guessed I'm a highly successful, well-balanced adult male with an active social life and vibrant sex drive, of course you are 100 percent correct. But the couches you'll find at Fort Lauderdale Mia Home Trends? These puppies each look like they should constantly be draped with a French model/chanteuse who will compliment your latest short story and ask for another whiskey sour, mon chouchou. The store specializes in right-angle heavy modern furniture, the building blocks to any chic home. From beds and couches to dining room tables and loungers, Mia Home is the place to pick up body holsters with some Continental pizzazz. Plus, the joint handles designs and staging, which in chic-speak means it has professionals who will make your house no longer look like it houses feral wildebeests. The prices run a little high, but fret not, budget ballers. Mia Home has furniture rental.

Could porn videos be the new vinyl record? They're something tangible. There's artwork, liner notes, an ability to play it back as many times as you want. Even better, they come with a pause button. Too bad there aren't as many places where you can go browse the shelves for you and your mate's date night (YouPorn be damned). But Booby Trap Love Stuff dedicates an entire upstairs to digital smut. Ignore the wood-paneled walls and burnt-orange shag carpeting and delve into cl-ASS-ic titles like Bi-Bi Love #11, There Will Be Cum, and Tonsil Train. Plan on having a family movie night before the real fun starts? There's a remarkably large selection of standard fare films — all on VHS — that little Dick and Jane will enjoy. But for something a little more hardcore than The Preacher's Wife or Regis Philbin's My Personal Workout, stick to the front of the room.

Why do kids love Disney World? They love it because when they step through the turnstile and the sea of people parts, they don't see just an amusement park. They see a world — an endless land of fun, stretching as far as the eye can see. They won't get to do it all. There will no doubt be rides that go unridden or candy uneaten. But the possibilities are endless. And that's exciting. In 15 years, that kid will step into Total Wine & More, and the same feeling will wash over them. They will look over the rows and rows of beers, surely some they've never even heard of. Then they'll get to the wine, gallons of reds, whites, all eager to find a home in a stomach. And just when they think they can't take anymore, when their knees start to shake from joy, they'll stumble into the liquor section. From beer and winetastings to educational classes, Mickey Mouse ain't got shit on Total Wine & More.

Precious moments deserve celebrating. And nothing says "I love you" or "Congratulations!" like a fine display of flowers. But if you're going to drop some serious cash on a floral arrangement, go for unique style and forgo that mass-produced, cliché-looking vase. Keep it classy. That's what the folks at Plantation Florist know best. The design-driven and family-owned business offers a gorgeous bouquet selection. Take for example, the "Fashionista Bloom" ($69.95 to $89.95), which consists of a glass vase wrapped with green taffeta and tiny pink ribbons. Green hydrangeas are spruced up with yellow, light pink roses, and gerberas, mixed with pale yellow carnations and green chrysanthemums. Splurge on the striking "Lush and Lavender" ($108.95 to $127.95) to really impress that special somebody. This fun arrangement features mini lavender roses, cool-looking leaves, and purple stock placed in a white, mod vase.

"Family-owned business" doesn't come to mind when pulling up to a garden center at a corporate retailer like Sears. But Wonder Gardens is just that. Owner Roxie Pelliccia has grown her business for more than 25 years in a nook at the Westfield Mall, along with help from son Lenny. They're happy to guide you to what grows best in Florida's summer sun, and you'll find them propagating new seedlings to sell during a weekday afternoon lull. Wonder Gardens carries a variety of ornamentals and edibles — from bleeding hearts and bougainvilleas to mangoes, figs, and eggplants — that look way more vibrant than the crop for sale at any other big-box store (and are cheaper too). Plus, i sttocks the soil, pots, fertilizers, and décor that will help you transform your garden from plant cemetery to sanctuary. If you've ever dreamed of actually going 'round the mulberry bush in your own backyard, here's where to start.

It's a DIY place, handmade, a labor of love as much as a commercial establishment, and that's what we love about Local Smoking Domain. A rickety haven of closet-like rooms in an undistinguished strip mall off South Dixie Highway (with just a few hand-painted signs out front, it's easy to miss), LSD offers the full gamut of paraphernalia common to head shops everywhere. What sets it apart is the intense artistry of many pieces — brightly spackled glass pipes and bongs of shapes from The Arabian Nights or out of high-tech space probes — and the gentle, solicitous air of owners Courtney Hoekstra and Clint Zimmer, who clearly see da kine as adjunct to a life of — that hoary old saw — peace and love. A Pete Seeger memorial concert poster gazes down from one wall; fliers for a cannabis business conference sponsored by legalization hero Bobby Platshorn are scattered about. Bobby's been an inspiration for the shop, Clint says; Old Left icon Pete would surely bless the purity of the cause.

Best Of Broward-Palm Beach®

Best Of