Sorry, Jungle Queen, but Bluefoot Pirate Adventures has become the must-do attraction in Fort Lauderdale. Captain Black Sparrow meets families at the dock by Bahia Mar and hooks them up with pirate vests, face paint, eye patches, and swords. Then they hit the water for a cool trip down the Intracoastal Waterway, Sparrow narrating — and sneaking in some adult jokes — while a superfriendly lady pirate, Black Rose, entertains the kids. The fun of blasting water cannons is superseded only by blasting them at a terrible pirate who — surprise! — ambushes the ship in his own boat. The 90-minute ride goes by too quickly, but you can use the picnic tables under a tent for cutting birthday cake or walk across the street to Fort Lauderdale Beach, where a playground is conveniently located. If you're stressing about whether to invite just a few people at $25 per or rent out the whole boat for your party, we say just bite the $600 bullet and fill 'er up. Your kid will remember this one forever, and it's amaaaazing how suddenly those aunts and uncles who dread kids' birthday parties are suddenly clamoring to get on your guest list.

You know a business is good when its employees stick around for more than 30 years. Such is the case with Clearsight. Walk inside and you'll be greeted by the same helpful staffers — and robust selection — year after year. From Moscot to Chanel, Silhouette to Oliver Peoples, Clearsight carries a stunning array of frames for every face and lenses in every hue. And if you ask, the friendly folks there will gladly give you their opinions on what suits you best. They've been perfecting styles since 1977, so you have every reason to listen. And in true South Florida fashion, they do custom prescription installations in dive masks and craft their own "fishing glasses" ($119) that keep the sun out of the sides. Eat your heart out, Warby Parker.

Need to buy a house, sell a house, or property-manage a house? This is your guy. It’s clear from his kind, twinkly-eyed, church-going demeanor that this is an honest gentleman who would never, ever rip you off. But also: Lurking inside those dad jeans is one fierce real-estate killer — calmer, more organized, and more brilliant a negotiator than your accountant and your lawyer put together. Title company screw up? Moffett will give it a stern talking-to. Confusion over a lien or deed? He will venture to the bowels of the courthouse and find just the document you need. Tenant weaseling out of paying the rent? Nein. No way. Ain’t happenin’. If you’re looking for the biggest real-estate deal in South Florida, it’s right here: paying this dude’s commission.

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