Queerly beloved, we are gathered here today
To witness the fact that there exists not a single dedicated lesbian bar in this county,
Which is an unholy outrage in a city like Fort Lauderdale.
Who can name a place for women who love women to go for a drink
Without being surrounded by sausage, plagued by penis, choked by chest hair?
We mean not to offend those with chest hair, or those who love the D.
But for God's sake, bring back New Moon,
Lest bed death do us in.
(Runner-Up: A Bottle of Wine in Your Living Room)