"Look honey, we should talk. I know you've noticed that things have been a little — God, how can I say this? — slow in the bedroom lately. No, no, don't get mad. No tears, here. I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't care, right? But honesty is important. Remember what it was like back in the day? The honeymoon? That weekend in Marathon Key? The marathon in Marathon, right? Well, hon', I think we've lost that magic. We need some help relighting the fire. After you get the stroganoff out of the oven, why don't we swing by Megasex in Fort Lauderdale? The store has close to 20,000 adult films for rent and sale. Each week, they get 50 new titles, so there's a wide variety. I know you don't like renting the same movie twice. Also, they have dildos, cock rings, lube. If something catches your eye, we'll buy it. Cost doesn't matter when it comes to my gal. How's that sound? Perfect. I'll run to the garage to get the sex swing set up; you put the ball gags in the dishwasher. Then we'll hop in the Sienna. I know. I love you too."

In the world of mechanics, it can be hard to know whom to trust. That's why we're really glad we found USA Auto Care, a family-owned and -operated, full-service, no-fuss auto repair shop with three convenient locations: a main facility in Sunrise, minutes from the Sawgrass Expressway, a second location in Lauderhill, and a third in Wilton Manors. Although some mechanics offer mediocre work at paycheck-murdering prices, all with the gruff attitude of mountain trolls, USA Auto is reliable, friendly, fast, and affordable. The folks there understand and appreciate the value of a small business and treat their clients accordingly, servicing a number of local fleets and giving each vehicle their careful, professional touch. Unlike many obscure, independent auto repair shops, USA Auto has large, clean facilities and an informative website with monthly coupons for common services, like an oil, lube, and filter for $14.95. It even has a 30-second promotional video and a section where customers can leave feedback. How novel! USA Auto is the type of place where the girl at the front desk, usually the owner's daughter, always knows your name and doesn't hesitate to pop out back to confirm a price or double-check on your question with the boss. It's more efficient than a dealership and more friendly than the other cheap guys, and we like that. A lot.

We never stop hearing about the benefits of yoga, like its easing of depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, and migraines. While the benefits are many, the typical $18-per-class price tag isn't so Zen. By offering pay-what-you-can community classes, Red Pearl Yoga is bringing yoga to the people. All of the people — not just the rich, stay-at-home trophy moms. Community classes are currently on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Red Pearl hosts a variety of classes at all skill levels every day of the week. Your first class is only five bucks, with options for packages. Find even more peace of mind on the mat in more intimate workshops, or even opt for a massage. For local residents, Red Pearl Yoga is truly a gem of positivity and transformation in a world dominated by consumerism.

This is the place for the ghetto-fab gay who's just gotta have that Gucci tank or the Boca babe who dares to be different by getting her St. John's skirt slightly used. The hipster who needs to look even hipper in a proper green Lolita Lempicka zippered crop top, or the glamour girl with a hankering for sequins. These people all have a secret. They know where to get that item that's going to make them not just look but actually be cooler! That secret is Kismet Recycled Vintage & Designer Clothing store. Located in Delray Beach's Pineapple Grove, the store is both affordable and extremely stylish. And we mean, like, The Sartorialist good. There's an abundance of quality Armani, Diors, Prada; these guys know how to dress. Owned and run by the attractive and decidedly fantastic couple Aly Gore and Liam Milano, Kismet isn't just rad duds. It has also hosted experimental-in-the-best-way-possible Lake Worth musical acts like Universal Expansion and Cop City Chill Pillars. The best news? Now that Kismet is your secret, you're free to keep or share. But remember, greed don't look sexy on nobody.

You're always on your bike. You get groceries on your bike. You go to Laser Wolf on your bike. You play polo on your bike. For God's sake, your baby rides a bike. Biking is your life! And now that bicycles have taken over the roadways, your needs have changed. A pine-scented air freshener is pointless. You need bike lights, a big basket, a U-lock, a decent helmet, and a place to stash your Nalgene. Bicycle Evolution allows you to morph, as a mobile beast, from a car-driving dud into a fully functional cyclist. Owner Matthew Swinehart is a helpful dude, trustworthy with your precious vehicle, and he runs a perfectly homey mom-and-pop shop. You need your fixie fixed? He's your man. Besides getting some of the best names in bikes, like Biria, Dahon, and Fuji, you can also relive your youth on a new skateboard or longboard. But Bicycle Evolution is about more than just rolling around on two wheels. It's about community, and you'll always have a squatting spot with like-minded people at this local bike store.

Have you ever taken a chance at a random salon and ended up with a totally busted 'do? It's a First World problem, yes, but a botched hair job is a traumatic experience. Yeah, you can wear hats or headbands, but it's rather difficult to hide your entire head from public view. Prevent any such dilemma by heading over to the Factory Salon. The urban spot is filled with stylish stylists who can advise you on the best ways to update your mane. No need to worry about walking out with yet another girl-mullet. Unless, of course, that's what you want.

Until the fall of 2013, the best things about Pembroke Lakes Mall have been Chick-fil-A (politics be damned!) and, well, Chick-fil-A. And Macy's. But just last month, the big shots at H&M announced a store opening at this suburban oasis. It will be their first in Broward County and third in South Florida. You can point your mom in the direction of the Crocs store, drop your little cousin off at Hot Topic, and spend the remainder of the morning, then afternoon, then evening, at H&M. This store will have just about everything you can imagine: maternity dresses, giant purses, teeny baby clothes, fancy pants... Sure, Pembroke Lakes Mall has a Forever 21 already, and that's satisfied your need for cheap, cute duds so far, but everyone knows H&M is the master of this category of clothing. And who doesn't want it all? You know what "it all" is for BroCo fashionistas? Forever 21 and H&M in one mall. The best mall.

You love Dwyane Wade, but you like LeBron James. Sitting in front of Berlinda — the mistress of amazing acrylic tips — you decide you want them both. She then gives your hands the true Miami Heat treatment. Like that crazy lady at the Bulls playoff game, you'll flip off the other team with a tiny picture of King James on your middle finger. They'll get the hint. Berlinda is a nail artist of the most creative sort. She'll Hello Kitty your nails; she'll Michael Kors them. She can place actual spikes on them (though not on those with newborns), words, lions, diamonds... Marilyn Monroe's face, for crying out loud! She's not only a creative mind but an entrepreneur. Berlinda's been doing nails for more than 20 years, and she even offers nail art workshops. Her instructional DVDs include How to Do 3-D Characters, How to Do Candy Nails, and Smurfy Tutorial. But who needs them when you can just head over to Divanized Hair and Nails? Besides, after you've had Berlinda, there's no way in hell you can go back to your regular manicurist. She's the princess of paws. There's no competition.

What better way to inform your friends that they look like crap than to plan a girls' day at the spa? We kid, obviously. But when your ladies hear all about Nu Beauty Bar, they'll admit their eyebrows are looking a little shaggy and agree to an afternoon at this whole-body spa. Nu Beauty Bar is actually also a real bar, carrying wine and beer. So as your feet are being pumiced and your hair is being blown out, you can slurp down as many mimosas and Sam Adamses as you want. Sure, spas are relaxing anyway, but having a drink ain't gonna stop anyone from feeling extra chilled on the chair while her eyelash extensions are being attached. Located in Boca Raton, the space has an ultraclean appeal that'll keep the neurotics calm. And like we mentioned, you can bring your friends for a little fiesta. Sure Chippendale's is a fun Friday night out with your homegirls, but why not add a massage and wax to your preparty plans? You'll get props for your renowned multitasking skills.

Daryl Smith, the guy who can deliver the best massage in Broward, has been cracking backs since his early years. "I used to walk on my dad's back when I was a kid," Smith says. "I was always interested in why sometimes his back cracked and sometimes it didn't." After he worked in a factory at Eastman Kodak, Smith says, his wife persuaded him to try his hands at professional massage therapy. He graduated in 2000 from the American Institute of Massage Therapy and has been pounding flesh professionally ever since. He currently works out of the office of Dr. Rick Bruns in Fort Lauderdale, where's he's built up a street rep for the right touch. "I have a way of knowing where people need attention," he says about his technique. "I just let my fingers do the walking."