Before you moved to Florida, you caressed travel guides. They showed exotic, beachside locales with magical tiki bars and plush lounge chairs. There were waterfalls pouring into swimming pools and legions of non-opinionated cocktail waitresses just waiting to bring the imaginary you another splendid blended concoction. So you moved here. Then you found out that those picturesque brochures were just bait. Being a resident doesn't give you the privilege to hop into those multi-million dollar resort settings; you're supposed to use the city pool, just like you did back home in Scranton. Phooey on that. Now we at New Times don't support trespassing, breaking and entering, or any other form of illegal act. But if you happen to stay at the Harbor Beach Marriott Resort & Spa and then lose your room key, we suggest that you enter its luscious pool paradise from the beach entrance. And tell folks who ask that you've just arrived from a city with a familiar but boring-sounding name, like Des Moines. Nobody wants to pester people from Des Moines with questions. They are certain that you have it hard enough already. This frees you up to explore the best celebrity-grade amenities in Broward and Palm Beach, like the 8,000-square-foot tropical lagoon pool — you can't miss it, it's conveniently situated between the waterfall and the open-air bar. Stake a claim on any of the ultra-squishy, sun-worship-worthy lounge chairs while you flag down a waitress. (Insist on paying cash and tip generously.) And when you're ready for a change of scenery, tuck yourself away in one of the many secluded Jacuzzi oases, make friends with folks who rented a private cabana, or grab a snack from the upscale cafeteria. Finally, you're living the Florida dream.