Getting stoned inside your own home or a friend's is not only boring; it's un-American. What's a chronicface to do? Waiting for the next show at the Cruzan is time-consuming and inconvenient. And how many Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon laser light shows can one person take in a lifetime? We need to take things outside, under the canopy of an entrancing South Florida summer sky. What better way to get ripped than by being in the wilds around Alligator Alley? Head up the I-75 to Naples at night, wait for the lights of the city to dim in the horizon behind you, pull over, and proceed to get yourself toasted. There isn't a clearer view of the stars and constellations than on this road, which means you can contemplate the vastness of the universe while theorizing about how we're all just, like, a speck of dirt in the fingernail of a massive deity, man. Steer clear of rest stops (for obvious "Fuzz" reasons), and make sure to completely come down from floating before you head back home. And if you should spot a rare Florida panther out there, count that as a bonus. Just don't attempt to high-five it or anything. Getting Chonged responsibly is always the name of the game.