If you're going to abandon the One True Faith, be excommunicated from the First Church of the Holy Eggplant of the Blessed Legume, and exchange the heavenly rewards of seitan for the earthly pleasures of Satan, you may as well get as much joy and flavor out of it as possible. And there is no more joyous or flavorful bit of gastronomic apostasy than the thymus glands of a calf, gently poached and carefully picked over, then pressed, lightly floured, sautéed, and bathed in a luxurious chanterelle cream sauce richer than Bill Gates but ever so much more exciting. Most restaurants would barely dare to even offer it as a special, but at suave, elegant La Cigale, this devilishly seductive number sits proudly on the regular menu. Truly, a blessed event. Can I get an amen?

The margaritas at Rocco's, where there's a menu dedicated exclusively to tequila, are so good that you might just quit your job and join a mariachi band. But eating here is awkward — you can't talk to the person across the table without screaming over the Top 40 hits. It's fine if you don't particularly care for your company, but if that's not the case, beeline to the bar. It's usually slammed with a civilized cross section of people. The bartenders are friendly, and most important, the 12 varieties of margaritas come in huge glasses (note: The Cadillac is incredible — El Mayor Anejo, Gran Marnier, and Rocco's house-made sour mix). Frequently, Rocco Mangel, the owner, jumps up on the bar wearing his signature white patent-leather shoes, and pours shots of Patrón into patrons' mouths. You can't get that lip service during dinner.

Burger joints, soul food restaurants, and taco food trucks are just a few places to eat sans utensils, so what makes Dixie Pig the best place to take off those dainty white gloves? Simply put, it's the sauce. Dixie Pig has been in the same location on Dixie Highway for more than 20 years, so they know a thing or two about making good BBQ. There are four stellar sauces to choose from: golden mustard, sweet BBQ, spicy BBQ, and North Carolina vinegar sauce. Each table at the outdoor eatery is outfitted with its own "kit" of sauces. You can almost see the twinkle in diners' eyes as they feverishly drizzle their favorite sauce over a pulled pork sandwich or rack of ribs. Overindulge in the Dixie Pig's expansive array of homemade sauces that will, if applied correctly, drip down your arms like a lit candle in a Meat Loaf video. Leave the wet wipes at home, and don't forget to lick your fingers.

Whether you enter stone sober or three sheets to the wind, walking into Maguires Hill 16 is never a regrettable decision. Over the past three years, the bar has upgraded from a typical dark, Irish pub to an airier, more atmospheric space. The back of the restaurant has been converted into a sleek, intimate bar area that is ideal for small cocktail parties. The new outdoor sports bar is complete with two large flat-screens and plenty of seating. Menu items have also recently been added. The old outside patio area received a face-lift as well, complete with designer fans to beat the summer heat. The outdoor patio area is now semi-enclosed, which not only gives the exterior of the pub a more polished look but also conveniently helps prevent naughty drunks from stumbling away while their handlers finish up that last, well-deserved pint of Magners. Slainte.

Cruising Andrews Avenue for a bite to eat is a lot like going to Epcot... if Epcot ditched the disco ball, became affordable, and morphed into a long street that ran the length of several large cities. On this strip, you can enjoy food from around the globe, including the Caribbean, the Mediterranean, Southeast Asia, Latin America, and Dirty South, USA. The average price of a dinner including a drink (nonalcoholic — sorry) is under ten bucks. You won't find any TGI McFunsters on this popular strip; Andrews Avenue is a mom-and-pop-shop mecca, which only adds to the avenue's charm and keeps us coming back for more.

Vegetarians aren't exactly a discerning bunch, culinarily speaking. After all, this is a group that chooses by virtue of free will to forgo bacon, steaks, burgers, and all things indelibly yummy. And that's why the hallmark of any great vegetarian restaurant isn't just in its ability to appease those forward-thinking few. It's how firmly it can win over the palates of card-carrying carnivores. And that's precisely where Darbster delivers. Darbster makes its animal-free meals taste as decadent and indulgent as its meaty counterparts, only without the guilt. Take its "tree's wings": These mock Buffalo chicken wings are made from Gardein, a planet-friendly protein that Darbster renders so juicy and supple that you'd swear it's the real thing. Or consider Darbster's unique palm cake, a faux crab cake made with shredded hearts of palm and dabbed with savory pine nut aioli. There are plenty more options to savor, from gooey cheese enchiladas made without an ounce of dairy to a bevy of raw food items including — get this — a badass bacon cheeseburger made with dehydrated eggplant, nuts, and whole grains. Dy-no-mite. And lest the bold flavors fool you into thinking a meal there is anything less than completely healthful, the pristine, outdoor setting overlooking an inland waterway will help you find your Zen.

Mussels saganaki (Greek for "a small frying pan") simmer in a fresh tomato sauce with enough feta to meld into every bite without making the dish overly heavy. Figuring in cost and deliciousness, this $11.95 dish is the loveliest and practically the cheapest meal on Las Olas — not a common pairing of qualities on the boulevard of kept men and women and wealthy tourists. There is a special section of three saganaki on Trata's menu — conceivably, you could choose scallops or shrimp, but if you crave a scrumptious bargain, you should opt for the mussels. The others are true appetizer portions (saganaki are traditionally small), but for some blessed but unknown reason, the kind people at Trata make the mussels a much larger portion. Soak up the delicious sauce with the fresh bread served with a side of hummus, and voilà, you've got an affordable and delicious meal, and you've saved enough money to overtip the incredibly nice servers and buy yourself a glass of wine.

Since the higher forms of life don't use phrases like "close the deal" to describe the commencement of sexual relations, let's assume you're a heterosexual male. If so, then bring your next prospective fling to Le Patio, because doing so will make her think you're: (1) "tolerant" and "open-minded" for bringing her to a restaurant owned and operated by a sweet lesbian couple; (2) "romantic" for bringing her to a tiny, intimate space decorated in lightly funky, slightly dusty pan-European knickknacks; (3) "cultured" for bringing her someplace French; and (4) "alluringly frugal" for bringing her someplace reasonably inexpensive yet awesome. Sit on the patio, order the trio pâté appetizer, and trust the house to pair a wine with the specials. The pairing's always perfect and seldom adds more than $20 to the bill.

We'll always be grateful to Jack Berry for his old-fashioned hamburgers, which he served in two old-fashioned restaurants and kept in tip-top shape thanks to an old-fashioned work ethic, which Jack passed on to four decades of young employees. Jack died in February at age 82, and he's left behind one of the few bits of idiosyncratic Fort Lauderdale culture to survive the past two decades of boom and bust. His burgers are as good today as they were ten and 20 years ago — juicy griddle patties made from fresh-ground round, served with toppings on the bottom and garnishable at the station in the middle of the dining room. The wise pair their burgers with Jack's salty shoelace fries and thick, oversized chocolate shakes. A big thank you to Jack Berry for making Fort Lauderdale so much tastier and so much friendlier. You're the best.

In a society that is addicted to burgers, French fries, and high-fructose corn syrup, many Americans tend to view veggies as, well, boring. Luckily, even the most finicky eater can enjoy what D'Angelo has to offer. The tapas menu includes roasted sweet Italian sausage over escarole and beans and broccoli; seasonal vegetables in crispy tempura with a lemon yogurt sauce; beautifully presented zucchini flowers; and salads such as the arugula with roasted peppers and shaved reggiano. Other veggie items include delicious minestrone soup; pizze capricciosa with artichokes, olives, mozzarella, mushrooms, and tomatoes; wood-oven frittata with zucchini and creamy burrata; veggie paninis; and veggie-enhanced ceviche. These creative and delicious vegetable items could please carnivores and children alike.