Poorhouse
A man with a fervent passion for allthings horror,Tom Rampage works the back bar at the Poor House. He's the lead singer of local metal band Murderous Rampage (read more on them above), so his kindness may come as unexpected. In this romantically gothic bar off Third Avenue, Tommy welcomes you — like only a happy man could when being surrounded by half-naked zombie chicks. Of course, you must take that last statement correctly: To make him happy, he must be really into zombie chicks, which he is (just check out the music video for "Eat, Shit, Sleep"). The man says his "thank yous," and they're genuine — and that's not the norm for Himmarshee. Even though the back bar at the P-Hizz is next to the stage — even in a packed house — Tommy will spot you through the dancing dervishes. His interests are seen though the classic horror films he plays on the flat screen above the bar. Side note: He was also homecoming king.
Whiskey Tango All American Bar and Grill
Leave the tux and the ball gown at home; there's no dancing at Whiskey Tango. Those initials are code for white trash, and this is the kind of bar a trailer-park dweller would build if he ever hit the Pick 4. Big screens plastered on every wall, a menu full of American comfort food, and drink prices to ensure that a workin' man (or nonworkin' man, for that matter) can get shitfaced by halftime. The two-for-one happy hour starts at 11:30 (yes, that's a.m.) and doesn't end until 8 p.m.
Xtreme Indoor Karting
The newest way to meet a guy might be the internet, but the oldest, surely, is at the bar. And the bar at the 90,000-square-foot Xtreme Indoor Karting complex is soundproofed. That's right: The 25 go-cart engines zooming by — one of which possibly carries your beau-to-be — can't break your focus. The men — chipper from exiting the go-cart-ride part of their night — will now be sprinkled throughout the bar. The black-and-white-checkered tile that covers all the ceilings and floors will help amplify the mood — the room itself seems to transform into a giant race flag. Feed into the adrenaline yourself. It's your race now.
Muvico Parisian 20 and IMAX
Wind your way past the throngs of skinny-jeaned teenyboppers, up the escalator to the third floor. There, across from the movie theater snack bar, is a dimly lit bar. Inside, the dance floor is tiny, made of mosaic marble ideal for spinning. The rotunda ceiling is painted sky blue with white clouds. By 11 p.m. on a Friday, this space is filled with writhing bodies — thrusting hips, glossy red stilettos, metallic belts, greased hair. The people sweat and sparkle as if with one breath. The DJ, speaking only in Spanish, feeds the frenzy, spinning crowd-pleasing salsa, bachata, merengue, and reggaeton. Almost no one is stumbling drunk or leering. Dancing is the only thing that matters here. Beginner salsa students shyly pair off beside the people who were born to move their hips this way. Newcomers watch, mesmerized and breathless, as the best couples compete in impromptu contests. Stand on the sidelines long enough and someone will take your hand, clear a space for you on the floor. You dance until you're exhausted. Then you stumble back out into the air-conditioned theater, wondering how anyone could watch a movie on a night like this.
The Manor Complex
Candace West
Dinner and intimate conversation? Sexy, exotic martinis at a swank bar? Drinks and covert groping on the low-lit patio? Sweaty body-slapping on a crowded dance floor? You'd have to hit every other gay bar in town to even come close to getting the Manor experience. Its compartmentalized rooms and copious bars make this the most diverse place in Wilton Manors to get blitzed — whether you're tossing back signature Red Apple martinis with the entire YMCA or you're alone celebrating your 40th birthday (with a tray of tangerine-flavored shots and a pink tiara). The dance floor of its Epic Nightclub boasts more shirtless, muscular men per square foot than the sauna at your local gym. And if the Manor weren't already everything you need it to be, the cherry on top is Coffee Talk — a wi-fi-equipped sweetshop smack-dab in the middle of all the sexiness.
There's just something picturesque about a pair of cowboy boots tapping across a shiny, polished dance floor. Maybe it's a deep-seated longing for the romance of the Old West, with its saloons, shootouts, bustiers, and whiskey-swigging good ol' boys. Well, pardner, those days still live at Scandal's Saloon, the best place for both country hoedowning and riding cowboys. You'll meet Florida's finest cowboys (and cowgirls) as they Texas-two-step across the expansive dance floor and line-dance under the gleaming cowboy-boot-shaped disco ball. Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, Scandals hosts lessons for those who long to join the ranks of footloose dancers. But even if dancing's not your style, toss a few cowboy cocksuckers (shots) back with Pooch and the rest of the beefy bartenders. Scandal's is all the good of the Old West with none of the bad or ugly.
Bizaare Avenue Cafe
Comfy leather couches, charmingly mismatched tables and chairs, silverware that comes in a small basket — this restaurant is the perfect substitute for your living room. The vibe is warm and romantic, with red walls and strings of twinkling white Christmas lights making the place glow. Ceiling fans spin lazily overhead. No one here is in too much of a hurry. The menu is impressive but not intimidating. You can share some tapas — spanakopitas, perhaps, or fried pumpkin ravioli — if you want to show your date your adventurous side. Or you can dive into a huge bowl of gnocchi or a plate of braised lamb shank. Sip some wine from the generous selection, and admire the kitschy paintings on the walls. In the middle of the room is a headboard that looks swiped from someone's bed. That's a good conversation starter. Sink back into your chosen couch and enjoy.
Bierbrunnen Pub
South of the conspicuous partiers, cheesy gift shops, and corporate chains like Fat Tuesdays that comprise much of Fort Lauderdale beach, is Bierbrunnen Beer Garden. It hides in an alley off A1A. The open-air bar doesn't shy at the Florida beach weather: no air-conditioning here. But when you grab your first cold one, it's as good as the ocean breeze that winds its way through the space. Enjoy a menu chock-full of bratwurst and an extensive beer selection that includes German imports like Warsteiner, Franziskaner, Spaten Oktoberfest, Erdinger, and Spaten Optimator and domestics like Smuttynose and Rouge Dead Guy Ales. You may be miles away from Germany, but more important, you'll feel miles away from contrived tourist traps.
Matty's on the Drive
So you partied too hard — again — last night. Your head throbs. Your stomach lurches. What's a committed nightlifer to do? Stop partying? Stop drinking? Oh, the humanity! Wait! Matty's on the Drive, a Wilton Manors bar with hot music, beautiful people, and a classy, laid-back vibe, holds the holy grail of healing in the form of its signature drink: the grape martini. In addition to containing antioxidants, grape juice packs the power to fight heart disease, high blood pressure, and other nasties that could seriously impair your sexy bod's dancing capability. And yeah, you might wake up the next day with a hangover — but it'll be the healthiest hangover you've ever had.
MI-VI Nightclub at Gulfstream Park & Casino
Prevailing economic forces would have you believe that you shouldn't spend money you don't have; that if you're not a rock or rap star, you shouldn't party like one. But there's another way to treat this moment in history: as an opportunity. It separates the true players from the pretenders. MI-VI in Gulfstream Park is a leap of faith in the resilience of South Florida's playa population. And we're happy to report that on a recent Saturday night, the foyer was totally jammed with slick-dressed revelers, all elbowing one another for the chance to get past the doorman, then to pay $13 for a splash of liquor. The club, on the second floor of Gulfstream Park's entertainment complex, opened in January. It's decked out with chandeliers, tables, and chairs that look like they were swiped from the castle of a French dauphin. The music somehow manages to sound crisp in a club space that could otherwise be an airplane hangar, which suggests that performances from the stage will also enjoy fine acoustics. Decadence isn't back as a South Florida trend, but it is within the walls of MI-VI.

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