DNA Energy Drink Seeking Spokesmodel | New Times Broward-Palm Beach


DNA Energy Drink Seeking Spokesmodel

I was stoked when my editor threw this little gem of an assignment into my lap: Boca Raton-based DNA Energy Drink is searching for Miss DNA 2011, which means that I get to thumb through multiple indexes of relatively attractive women as part of my research process. At least that's the story I'm using if my roommate happens to walk in on me researching in the dark.

According to its website, DNA Energy Drink was formed by a group of individuals "just like me," which makes me terrified of what exactly these guys do in their off time. On the other hand, they've certainly got their branding down: The DNA logo resembles an amalgamation of a Motörhead album cover, tattoo-style star graphics, and a double-helix structure from middle-school biology. They also sponsor BMX riders, skaters, and surfers and have been featured on the Bubba the Love Sponge radio show, so it looks like they are targeting aggro dudes and the action sports crowd. And like every other energy-drink company with a spokesmodel, DNA has figured out that sex sells.

After scientifically studying the sample photo that DNA sent with the

contest announcement, I came to a few conclusions. The ideal Miss DNA

should probably be a young, slender blond with a

tramp stamp. In addition, this woman must be comfortable wearing skimpy

two-piece bathing suits and a plethora of tight-fitting baby-doll T's

with the DNA logo, which she'll be modeling at live events.

Applicants who would like to become the new spokesmodel, AKA Miss DNA 2011, should:

 -- be at least 18 years old.

-- be a Florida resident.

-- write a paragraph on why you should be Miss DNA 2011, including details on any promotional experience you may have, and

-- send two pictures to wow the marketing team.

Now, regarding the actual beverage itself... If I didn't have to travel

across town to a dozen convenience stores to find one that stocks DNA

Energy Drink, I might be more inclined to tell you about its intense

citrus flavor. I might also be inclined to mention how DNA Energy Drink

took top honors in the Energy division of the 2010 World Beverage

Competition, hailed as "the next level in energy drinks; making great

taste as a priority." Like all things that are good, though, DNA is just

out of my reach unless I plan on ordering it online or driving for

hours looking for it like a mystical Sonic Drive-In in Broward County

that does not exist.

DNA also manufactures Shred Stix, a dried-beef product in stick

form, and DNA brand beef jerky, but alas, both were also as elusive as

the aforementioned energy drinks.

Those interested in applying should visit DNA's website (http://www.dnabeveragecorp.com/index.php/news/359-become-miss-dna-2011) and email application materials to [email protected]. The deadline for applying is December 20.

On a similar note, I am recently single and also taking applications.