National Coffee Day: From the Beginnings to Your End

Today, September 29, is National Coffee Day, and no doubt there are many of you perusing this post with a piping-hot serving of it at your side.

I admit I am one of the countless folk who awake, groggy-eyed and grouchy, and stumble toward the kitchen muttering to anyone who dares block the path, "Not until I've had my coffee."

But I swear I can stop whenever I want to.

I blame my parents. Long before I became well-acquainted with a bottle of Kahlua

or attended teenage angst poetry readings at an attitude- and

smoke-filled coffeehouse, my innocent taste buds were introduced to coffee-flavored syrup

for milk (the official drink of Rhode Island) and coffee-flavored ice

cream. At a young age, I caught the buzz and never looked back.

Coffee unites Americans. We munch upon coffee cake, purchase coffee tables upon which we place coffee-table books, and whilst sipping from a coffee mug, listen to songs written about the very potent brew.

We watch TV and movies in which coffee costars; sometimes entire

plots are built around just one cup.  Had "Skinny and Sweet" not looked just

like a box of rat poison with skull and crossbones on the label, the working gals of  9 to 5 might never have

gotten rid of their sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical, bigot of a

boss! Without coffee, the perky gang on Friends might have been hanging out at a laundromat! Alice might have worked at Mel's Car Wash!  (Am I dating myself here?)

We've learned that "the best part of waking up" is indeed that first cup of coffee. Still, questions percolate. What if your spouse never has a second cup at home? Is it reason for concern? Is it REALLY "good to the last drop"? Do you take your coffee like you take your men? 

With the advancements in coffee technology these days, you may sniff the aroma wafting from the free Gevalia maker in the kitchen or the Yankee Candle smoldering away in the living room.  You may debate whether to have a plain old cup of jet fuel or savor a fancier espresso, cappuccino, half-caf, decaf, latte, mocha-chino and beyond. You may have stress from the confusion of ordering a "small" at Dunkin' Donuts or a "Tall" at Starbucks. 

Coffee still has its downsides, like stained teeth, overactive bladders, nervousness, sleeplessness, and damage to the gastrointestinal lining. But some studies have shown that coffee possibly reduces the risk of Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, gallstones, and certain types of cancer. 

Want to reap the benefits now?  Well, it's not how or where the coffee goes IN that makes all the difference but how and where it comes OUT.  A coffee enema may give just the jolt you need for a fresh start on your day. And while some medical experts warn of the potential hazards of pouring a freshly brewed pot up your pooper, we hear that it can -- if performed by a professional -- be a rewarding and detoxifying experience. 

So, whether you sip it, slurp it, or rectally insert it, have a Happy National Coffee Day!