Attention, aspiring models and video vixens: The305.com alerted us that Pretty Ricky will be
shooting the video for their sexy smash hit "Topless" on Monday, November 8, at the Moonlite Diner in Hollywood -- a place renowned for serving
the naughtiest eggs Benedict and corned beef on rye in all of
Southern Broward County.
Here's an unofficial list of preparations area bottle-poppers
should make before arriving at the shoot to improve their chances of
getting some good camera time and, most important, ensuring a
safe and sexy day.
Sex up your persona. If you're going to roll with Lingerie, Sexy Spec, and the rest of the P. Ricky boys, you're going to need a hot new name that says "I like to party naked and make mistakes." Maybe not "Vajayjay," but "Pandora" wouldn't be bad. Remember, a Pretty Ricky video shoot is no place for subtlety and innuendo, so don't go losing precious points trying to be too smart for the room.
Make sure you're current on your birth control regimen. Just watching Spectacular's infamous grind-off challenge video is enough to warrant the morning-after pill. Whatever you normally do for protection, double up before leaving your house on Monday.
Bring a pair of dark shades. Your precious retinas will thank you with all the light bouncing off the rhinestone studded jumpsuits, shiny platinum grills, and baby-oil-swathed caramel skin. The glasses, like all other discretionary items, must too be sufficiently bejeweled.
Learn the lyrics to the song. This is important just in case you're asked to demonstrate that you know and value the creative genius that is Pretty Ricky. Important lines to remember include "Got them gold wrappers 'cuz you know size matters/So pop that top, girl, climb up this ladder," and of course, "She's so fly, she's like a bird-a/Gull wing doors you ain't never heard-a."
Double-check your directions. Pretty Ricky live, breathe, and represent Miami-Dade to the fullest -- you definitely don't want to get lost and look like some noob who doesn't know her way around the 305. So remember, the shoot is at the Moonlite Diner, 3500 Oakwood Blvd., Hollywood (i.e., here), which is in Broward County. If you get lost, call the diner at 954-924-2012.
Good luck, shorty!
-- David Weiss