Broward News

A Memo to National Voters: Get to Know Our Crist

Dear national voter,

You've probably heard a bit about our governor down here in Florida, you know, the one who was lucky enough not to be picked to go down with the John McCain ship. But you're about to hear a lot more about Charlie Crist, because our boy is running for Senate, and there's no doubt that means he'll be running for president not long after.

So there's a few things you should know, including:

* As president, he may sell the highway system to foreigners.

* One of his advisers has ties to a big-time Ponzi scheme.

* He is the survivor of a potentially fatal spider bite.

* Crist twice failed the Florida bar exam.

* He might say he's an environmentalist, but he gives in to big oil.

* There exists fairly substantiated talk that he's a closeted homosexual. This talk includes the fact that he used to frequent the Green Iguana gay bar in Tampa. Oh, and then there's a 21-year-old staffer who says he had sex with Crist; Crist, by the way, denied the tryst, despite a sworn statement from the guy. But don't worry heartland voters, because he's married now. To a woman.

So in conclusion, you're in for a fun ride, national voter. Because if there's one great thing about Charlie Crist, it's that he makes for some fun headlines.