The Cleveland Cavaliers tried everything to end the Miami Heat's record-setting win streak on Wednesday night.
They tried the ole "weird oily substance that leaks from the ceiling and delays the game for 35 minutes" trick.
They tried the "crazy fan runs onto the court in the middle of the game with a 'We Miss You' T-shirt" razzle-dazzle.
They even tried a good old-fashioned 27-point lead.
But in the end, as it goes with the Heat, LeBron James decided to flex his nuts, reached GOD MODE, and took a blowtorch to the Cavs hopes for a mega-upset, leading Miami to its unreal 24th-straight victory.
It was supposed to be a simple return trip to Cleveland for LeBron and a breezy win for the Heat, what with the Cavs limping out onto the court without stars Kyrie Irving, Dion Waiters, and Anderson Varejao.
Instead, it turned out to be probably the most speed-bag-your-Dad's-testicles insane game this Heat team has been a part of thus far.
For starters, tipoff was delayed when LeBron noticed an oily substance leaking from the Quicken Loans Arena ceiling (is there nothing he can't do???). Turns out the leak was fluid from the scoreboard, delaying the start of the game 35 minutes.
As if that weren't enough, the Heat began things as if they had left all their FUCKS in a hotel in Boston and had none to spare upon their arrival to Cleveland.
Dan Gilbert's boys began red-hot, head-butting Miami in the balls with what was at first a 20-point lead that soon ballooned to 27 points.
But then, just as the Cavaliers repeatedly smacked the Heat in the mouth with a flashlight and looked to snuff out the magical winning streak, Miami crawled back from the depths and looked to exact rage-filled vengeance on Cleveland not only for this game but for all those douchenuggets who burned LeBron's jersey in effigy when he decided to come to Miami.
Twelve minutes was all it took for the rivers of yellow and red blood to flow.
Twelve minutes and some Cobradick, with a little Shane Battier sprinkled in.
