From The Mouths Of Babes | New Times Broward-Palm Beach

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From The Mouths Of Babes

Looks Pretty Gay To Me

So the Sun-Sentinel has another hilarious blog to be savaged on the Pulp. It's called "transPARENT: true confessions of moms and dads."

When I first saw it a week or so ago, I thought, "This is gonna be a goldmine of material." Then I read the roster of reporters who were partaking in the confessional. One says this:

"Brittany Wallman is the mother of Creed, 11, and Lily, 4, and is married to a journalist, Bob Norman. She covers Fort Lauderdale City Hall, which is filled with almost as much drama as the Norman household. Almost, but not quite."

Oh God no. Not this. She didn't even tell me. Of course, she's trained not to tell me anything about the Sentinel, and she may be the most loyal employee in the United States. Not that I want her telling me anything. I'd never report anything on the Pulp she told me anyway. It's not worth it.

I decided I would post something about the parenting blog anyway. But I forgot about it until I checked it out today. And there was a post from Monday about my little girl titled, "Too young for gay talk?" After reading it I realized this might not be such a bad thing after all, as it will undoubtedly continue to confirm my masterful parenting skills (no, seriously ... just shut up). The text: -------------------------------------------- "God is love. God is gay.''

I heard Lily, my four-year-old, saying this over and over as she rode her trike around the house the other day. I decided to ignore it. A few days ago she started it up again, in the back seat as we commuted home. And then she asked: "What's gay?''

Ummm. I quickly tried to decide -- is now the time to get into this conversation? I know how Lily loves to talk loudly about things that embarrass people, while we are in the checkout line at the grocery store. (Such as last week: "She's HUGE'' comment.)

Should I really arm her with

some new information that she will probably decide to test at the worst possible time?

So I replied, "It means you're happy.''

"Oh. I'm gay. ... I'm happy.''

OK, I thought. Let's see where this goes.

"God is gay. God is happy. God is gay.''

"I wouldn't go around saying that, Lily,'' I said.

"Why not? I want to. ... God is gay.''

Oh no.

Well, Lily soon changed the subject to the next burning issue: "Why haven't you ever bought me a lunch box?''

So I figured, whew, we're past that.

The very next day, she was talking to my husband, and she made the following comment: "Boys can only kiss girls.''

Bob took a different approach than I did. Rather than ignore it, he seized the moment, as I probably should have.

"No, actually ....,'' Bob replied, and gave her a short explanation. As soon as she heard the word "gay,'' bells went off in her head.

"Gay means you're happy.''

Bob burst out laughing.

"You sound like my grandma!'' he said to her. "I haven't heard that since Grandma Rachel was alive!' I could see all I had done was created confusion and probably set Lily up to be made fun of.

"But mommy said ...'' she replied.

Next time I think I'll take the blunt approach. ----------------------------------------------------------------