Florida Rep. Dennis Baxley has a fantastic solution to preventing another tragedy like the one suffered in Newtown, Connecticut, on Friday: All teachers and principals should carry guns in their schools.
Baxley, who is also the state rep who helped sponsor an equally fantastic idea that became Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law, is now supporting the idea that Newtowns wouldn't happen if only teachers were less Mr. Rogers and more Yosemite Sam.
GREAT HORNY TOADS! TODAY WE'RE GONNA LEARN ABOUT THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION!
*shoots pistols into the floor*
On Monday, Baxley said that making schools gun-free zones is a really bad idea, because guns should always be around children.
In Baxley's mind, crazy people with guns who want to harm other people see that schools are "gun free zones," and are all, I know! I'll just walk in there and shoot me some people -- who's gonna stop me?? It's a gun-free zone. It's the perfect crime!
Schools are a target, according to Baxley, because some ass somewhere declared it a bad thing for guns to be around children. Pfft. Ass.
According to Baxley, schools need to be in a position of meeting force with force when events like that happen. Sort of like a military base with books and chalkboards.
We don't need no new laws or bills that make it hard for wackos to get guns. We need to arm teachers and principals, so that when said wacko enters any given school, it will turn into a demilitarized zone where teachers have the right to blow the wacko away.
THE SOLUTION TO TRAGEDIES BROUGHT ON BY GUNZ IS ... MOAR GUNZ!
And, under Baxley's uncanny and unparalleled vision, teachers would be able to pull out a hand cannon they have hidden under their tweed jackets and blow any dude's brains out who happens to wander into a school and then protect themselves by invoking the "Stand Your Ground" law.
The state's largest teacher's union said it isn't in favor of allowing anyone to have guns in schools. But those people obviously never watched the last ten minutes of Dirty Harry.