Florida Atlantic University: A Deadline Study In Dysfunction | New Times Broward-Palm Beach

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Florida Atlantic University: A Deadline Study In Dysfunction

Don't have much time this morning, but thought I'd toss a few good ones at you:

-- We must start with the Florida Atlanta University newspaper. It may have a ridiculously bland name (the University Press), but today's on-line version is anything but that. Reporter Jason Parsley tells us that in the student government race for president, one candidate, Kirk Murray, is under criminal investigation, apparently for taking undue advantage of a book voucher program. But Murray may still have the advantage in the runoff election, because his opponent, Tony Texiera, was banned from campaigning last night, just two days before the election. Why? He missed a mandatory SGA meeting. "This is crippling my campaign," said Texiera, an apparent master of the obvious. But hey, it may not matter anyway, since they have no idea how votes can be counted on one of the campuses. All of these stories were written on deadline by Parsley, who did an excellent job and deserves an immediate raise.

-- Also today, Lisa Huriash (my favorite Sun-Sentinel reporter) does a fine job of detailing a story about a Plantation police DUI instructor who has taught us all how to drive drunk in truly epic fashion -- at 90 miles an hour, naked, and beside a bottle of Southern Comfort. The article highlights a strange but true fact: When people get really really drunk, they often have a great desire to remove their own pants. I don't know though. It doesn't sound like instructor Laurie Primeau, who Police Chief Larry Massey is allowing to keep her job on the road patrol, has returned to reality yet. She claims she wasn't speeding, had a bathing suit bottom on, and had washed out the Southern Comfort bottle with dishwashing liquid. Chief Massey, ever a realist, tells her: "You simply may have been too drunk to remember exactly what happened." Yeah, probably.

-- Part Four of Debbie Cenziper's excellent investigative report on low-income housing, which ends today. Just thought I'd mention that. If this is an example of what investigations editor Sallah brings to the table, then the Herald definitely made one hell of a good move in hiring him from the Toledeo Blade. Also from the Herald, read this unique report from the ever-stout Alfonso Chardy.

-- And, in the Palm Beach Post, Larry Keller reports on the arrest of billionaire and bigwig Democrat Jeffrey Epstein for having sex with underaged girls in his mansion. Apparently State Attorney Barry Krischer sided with Epstein over Palm Beach Police Chief Michael Reiter on some facts of the case. The arrest is troubling. Now even a billionaire can't score teenaged girls? I mean, what has America come to?

With all due seriousness, this is a hell of a story. The girls were arranged by a Palm Beach Community College student whose apparent role model was Heidi Fleiss and cops dug through the billionaire's trash to make the case. Give Reiter an award for sheer stones.